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(CW: cishet dating, males) Brother, this shit sucks.
Removed by modAs a man trying to get laid with women, I’m constantly having to play games and lean into patriarchal convention because that is really the only way to be half way successful.
The song and dance is mind numbingly stupid but you have to do it if you want to get your pp touched. Nuke cishet dating from orbit, I need a director’s cut, a rerelease. I’m convinced no one actually likes this.
It's so funny how Leftists pull out "That contradicts my experience and therefore you are wrong and lying" when men start talking about dating. Instant bootstraps deployment.
If you possess original sin, there is no amount of genuflection you can engage in that will protect you from the accusation of some psychotic of using women's bodies to masturbate just because your accuser is not capable of emotional connection or imagining experiences outside their own.
What the fuck are you talking about?
I see just about entirely sympathy and support for the OP and their frustrations in this thread.
Are you just trying to stir shit up with your Reddity post?
He isn't talking about dating, he's talking about masturbating with somebody else body and doesn't even want to go through the pageantry that is often required to land oneself in a such a favorable and asymmetrical situation.
Do you really expect cishet women to be sympathetic to somebody who bristles at the idea of appealing to women sexually in order to gain sexual access to them without any strings attached?
Jesus what the fuck lmao
He is?
Weird how "leftist" men grasp at blaming a systemic issue that they try to assimilate into to get their dick wet and then try to blame women.
I mean op specifically and clearly assigns blame to patriarchy and the expectations it enforces on all of us.
Yeah, what OP posted seemed fine, if a bit blunt of intent. What the fuck was that Reddity shit at the start of this comment chain?
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full, guaranteed reproductive rights for women would probably change these dynamics a bit. and their absence is enforced by patriarchy.
To a limited degree, but that doesn't mean that OP is going to have more opportunities, it just means that more casual sexual opportunities might exist. I'm sorry this is such a controversial idea here, I'm really shocked to be honest. But women are not depriving you of sexual favors solely because they are afraid of getting pregnant, or being slut shamed, or out of cruelty, or even as a power play.
The desire for sex is in large part a response to being desired by a desirable person. And the only solution to that is to adopt behaviors that are deemed desirable to the people you want, and illustrating that desire through ways that are meaningful to the people you want. I can sympathize with the idea that this is more taxing on one sex than the other in cishet dating. But after just finishing up multiple rounds of multiple physical therapies after giving birth to a child forgive me if I'm not inclined to think that men have it worse than women or that they are somehow to blame for the fact that I can't do burpees without wearing adult diapers
to be clear, I don't share OP's issues I'm just trying to bridge these perspectives.
In a thread a month ago, there was that one dude on here telling guys to "put in the work" to get girls instead of just understanding that it's basically random chance and isn't really an individual failure if you don't have a partner or have trouble with it. But that's "doomerism" which is worse to them than optimistic liberal individualism.
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I'm a cishet woman. But it's nice to know what so many "leftists" on here think of me
You're talkin' 'bout incel shit on my webforum.
How is this incel shit and what OP is saying isn't? I'm genuinely confused. You have men* on here talking about women like they're resources, and talking about appealing to women like it's a unfair game. Like there isn't a sentient human on the other side of this equation with imperatives and desires. I'm really shocked and disappointed with this place.
I think you're shocked people want genuine interaction with each other and not act like spreadsheet animals with each other trying min-max for success rates like liberal-consumerist weirdos.
I apologize if it came across that way. Perhaps it would help if I put it in more personal terms.
I am a conventionally attractive cishet NT women. The amount of opportunities I have to service men with whom I have no personal connection sexually, even nearing 40, are so vast I wouldn't even consider putting effort into pursuing such a thing even if I wanted it.
I don't pursue men sexually because I have no innate attraction toward men for them just existing. Even ones who are also conventionally attractive. What I do respond to, a multivariate arrangement of things, some of which you might assume are informed by the patriarchy, which I would disagree with. Also by the response to the man pursuing me in such a way that affirms my value, makes me feel "sexy" and thus allows me to even be receptive to the idea of sex.
In the absence of these factors, my sex drive would be confined to masturbating every 3 days when I have difficulty sleeping, and since I'm haven't blown out my dopamine receptors on ass to mouth fivesomes, I can do this in under a minute without thinking about anything. It's like taking a shit. It's not even a "sex drive" in the sense that I want sex. My sexual fantasies are derivative of a man desiring me. My desire for sex is separate from my the frustration of not having sexual release.
And I'm sure there's people on here that are going to call this "demi sexual" or some sort of weird "pillow princess kink" or whatever. But this, unfortunately, is a pretty typical manifestation of cishet female sexuality. This is evidenced in patterns in all manner of female dominated erotica, and it is apparent when observing female behavior broadly.
Because of this, women are not generally going to line up to perform sexual favors for men that have not illustrated both their desirably as a sexual partner, and their particular desire for the woman in question. Some might, but the number of women that are receptive to doing this at any point in time is far lower than the men that are interested in being serviced sexually, for free, without effort.
Saying that there are innate reasons these aggregate differences exist is not "incel shit" and saying you should consider meeting women where they are is not "pull yourself up by your bootstraps"
If OP had expressed alienation with modern dating apps and a longing to make a connection with somebody that would be one thing. But that is not the frustration OP is expressing.
this is such a key thing for guys to understand.
I don't really care about OP. I'm talking about your post specifically. OP has serious internet mod energy too.
Mod, reinstate my mocking post. It had to be phrased that way for the visual symmetry as well as for humour.
"women's games" wut