lmao

Death to America

  • nat_turner_overdrive [he/him]
    ·
    2 months ago

    I went to highschool mostly in texas, which means recruiter creeps in the lunchroom pretty often.

    they'd usually have chudlets doing pushups in the middle of the lunch room, but sometimes they went out and used their social skills to try to recruit people. One time a guy in my friend group got his lunch and sat down before any of the rest of us, and a recruiter strolled up and sat down trying to have a conversation with him. He asked if he liked heavy metal (context clues, we were goths) and he said "no, I don't like music" and just stopped eating and made direct eye contact with the recruiter. The recruiter stumbled a bit and then asked... "uh, do you like blowing stuff up?" My friend's response was "no that's fucked up what's wrong with you, fuck off" and the recruiter awkwardly walked off while the rest of us were walking up to sit down.

  • HumanBehaviorByBjork [any, undecided]
    ·
    2 months ago

    alright comrade, you're our man on the inside. your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to raid the medicine cabinet of every bathroom in the whitehouse and sell joe biden's adderall to private school kids in maryland

    • UlyssesT
      ·
      edit-2
      2 days ago

      deleted by creator

  • LanyrdSkynrd [comrade/them, any]
    ·
    2 months ago

    Doesn't that seem like low qualifications? I would have assumed you'd need some kind of experience and education.

    That said, I'm completely in favor of incompetent people guarding US politicians

  • puff [comrade/them]
    ·
    edit-2
    2 months ago

    Take it and become a Chinese spy

    Seriously though this dumbass country will pay you 70k to stand around and do nothing when the time comes? You should absolutely unironically take this job. That's a steal.

  • Awoo [she/her]
    ·
    2 months ago

    Accept it and do the job as badly as possible for as long as possible until fired.

  • keepcarrot [she/her]
    ·
    2 months ago

    Interesting that once you turn 37, you're ineligible, I guess to prevent a guard mercing the president and eating his heart to gain his powers

    • nat_turner_overdrive [he/him]
      ·
      2 months ago

      genuinely more exciting than my 40th birthday, the day that I could no longer be legally pressganged into service

  • AndJusticeForAll [none/use name]
    ·
    2 months ago

    Mods should have to meet these requirements. I'm totally sick of some Peruvian man removing my daily posts about how ponchos are ugly.