I am a lazy failure who can't do anything. Basic shit I consistently just... don't do. Its embarrassing. I don't even want to list all of it. I have hobby stuff I've wanted to for years that I've just never gotten set up. Homework? More like I'm not fucking doing that. I've been wanting to take steps for months to get myself on hormones and get clothes but have I done them? No? Of course not, because I'm fucking lazy. All I do is rot. Its been this way for a long time, I can't even remember when the last time I didn't struggle with this. And it doesn't feel like its getting better. If it really is my autism I'm not sure how it ever can get better.

  • fanbois [he/him]
    ·
    3 months ago

    Here is a way to rethink the word lazy:

    Lazy is if you can enjoy inaction: It is Sunday, I wanted to clean up my basement and work out. The sun is shining and a friend wants to hang out by the lake. I agree and we spent half the day loafing around, drinking beer by the lake. I was lazy and that's alright because I had a good day. Maybe I feel a mild sense of guilt but so what. I know I will get around to it another day and no real harm was done.

    Lazy is not: I want to get up but can't. I want to clean my room, but don't know where to start so I don't. I want to do my work but can't. I want to do things for myself that I know will be good for me, but yet I still have only moved from bed to couch and back. For days, weeks, months. Years?

    If your chronic inaction creates suffering and regret, you are not lazy. Your brain fails at providing you with a baseline of motivation, often stemming from both a chemical imbalance and long term acquired behavioural patterns.

    ADHD is a very typical reason, depression another one. Sometimes one masks the other and autism correlates so strongly with ADHD, that people have coined the term AuDHD.

    Please be kind to yourself and if you can, seek help from a psychiatrist or other mental health provider.

    • BountifulEggnog [she/her]
      ·
      3 months ago

      If your chronic inaction creates suffering and regret, you are not lazy.

      Thank you kitty-cri So much suffering and regret.

      I will look into adhd. I'll try to be kind to myself, it is difficult.

      • fanbois [he/him]
        ·
        3 months ago

        meow-hug

        Edit: also this forum isn't the worst place to start. User ReadFanon has written great posts and comments about ADHD and AuDHD, which I found very helpful.