I think I have basically no dysphoria or almost none. Is this common, or does it mean I’m not trans?
My position is kind of simple—I actually enjoy being a dude; it’s pretty rad most of the time. Yet, I like women, desire them, and sometimes I want to be them.
That said, there are some important caveats. I’m completely fine growing old as a man, but I dread the idea of aging as a woman. That might be internalized misogyny, but it is what it is. I also feel like I’m building something in my life, and becoming a trans woman of color (I’m Black) wouldn’t exactly help my goals; it would make everything harder I assume.
On top of that, I’ve recently started to live. I meet people in real life, I have a partner, and I’m learning to cook. For the last 5-7 years, I was a reclusive hermit who mostly went to work and lurked online. I feel like if I want to transition, I should do it within the next year, but it’s all a bit much.
I came out to an online friend as trans about 10 years ago, and they were pretty chill about it, but I walked it back. Fast forward to now—I recently told my partner that I’m thinking about transitioning, and they were very supportive and sweet. However, the more I think about it, the more I’m starting to get cold feet.
I can’t think of many bigger, more impactful decisions than transitioning, aside from becoming a parent or getting drafted into a large war, maybe. I think people who transition are very brave, but at my core, I’ve always been a lazy coward
Any input is welcome. If it matters im also in my mid 30s.
EDIT . Yes I made a somewhat similar thread some time ago...but circumstances change.
You don't need dysphoria to be trans, but thinking you don't have dysphoria isn't exactly rare for eggs in the early stages. Lots of trans folks learn to bottle up these things - and then often manifest them in different ways, such as somatoform ailments, dissociation, substance abuse or even feeling dysphoric about traits that do not live up to expectations for their AGAB. As an egg, i constantly had some weird pains that no doctor could explain. I spent ages hating my crappy, sparse beard growth, then after the damm broke my five o clock shadown became my worst, absolutely devestating dysphoria trigger until laser solved that problem. Having gynecomastia as an egg confused the hell out of me. Always looking kinda androgynous made it really hard for me to experience dysphoria as clearly as many other trans folks, but in hindsight, it was always there, and it was bad. I spent ages coping with it and it almost ruined me. But i didn't only lack the words for it, it also felt different from what i realized once i finally put two and two together.
And after a couple years of transitioning, i find it very detrimental to define the trans experience largely over dysphoria. I had a phase were i could hardly think of anything else, it really crushes a lot of baby trans, but it doesn't stay like that for a lot of us. Transitioning and living as myself is about joy, freedom, exploration and being true to myself. I'm just happy being a woman, and that's not dependent on how unhappy i was trying to live as a boy. I mean, yeah, that was shit, but that's not what made me want to transition. The moments where i looked in the mirror and could already see myself as a woman where. And when your closest peers are accepting, but you're weary how the world at large will react, you could do a lot of experimentation in private. Even stuff like HRT can be inconspicious for a long time.
And lastly, your options aren't just man or woman. Genderfluidity is a thing, being nonbinary is a thing, being agender is a thing. But a lot of people do not think of that when questioning.