(i ripped this off wikipedia real fast so sorry if it's lib)
In October 1776, the Public Universal Friend contracted an epidemic disease and was bedridden and near death with a high fever. Their family summoned a doctor from Attleboro, six miles away, and neighbors kept up a death-watch at night. The fever broke after several days. The Friend later reported that [deadname redacted] had died, receiving revelations from God through two archangels who proclaimed there was "Room, Room, Room, in the many Mansions of eternal glory for Thee and for everyone". The Friend further said that [deadname redacted]'s soul had ascended to heaven and the body had been reanimated with a new spirit charged by God with preaching his word, that of the "Publick Universal Friend", describing that name in the words of Isaiah 62:2 as "a new name which the mouth of the Lord hath named".
From that time on, the Friend refused to answer to their deadname, ignoring or chastising those who insisted on using it. When visitors asked if it was the name of the person they were addressing, the Friend simply quoted Luke 23:3 ("thou sayest it"). Identifying as neither male nor female, the Friend asked not to be referred to with gendered pronouns. Followers respected these wishes; they referred only to "the Public Universal Friend" or short forms such as "the Friend" or "P.U.F.", and many avoided gender-specific pronouns even in private diaries. When someone asked if the Friend was male or female, the preacher replied "I am that I am", saying the same thing to a man who criticized the Friend's manner of dress (adding, in the latter case, "there is nothing indecent or improper in my dress or appearance; I am not accountable to mortals").
editorial note: I think this is a very cool story and I really love hearing it. We've been around forever and we've been doing variations of this forever. It's really beautiful
Join our public Matrix server! https://matrix.to/#/#tracha:chapo.chat
As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
It's pretty safe!
I know you've already mentioned it, but generally doctors as a rule are okay with you disclosing that you're taking medications/drugs not as perscribed (as in telling them you have cocaine in your system or in your case estrogen lol). They will as a general rule help make sure you're safe rather than snitch. There's supposed to be doctor-patient confidentiality or medical privacy as a rule in any western medical system (inlcuding, like, Turkey this is a very broad west lol), they wre very disincentivized from snitching just from the personality type that becomes a doctor rather than say, a lawyer or CEO, and they could get in trouble with their licensing board or the law for snitching. Knowing the very little I do about your situation I do, I'd say you should disclose to a doctor that you're doing this and get them on to monitoring your blood labs even if they won't just get your on to pharmacy HRT.
If you're NOT going that route, you should still get your blood work tested (the diy cafe has a page of labs you'd need). I don't know the specifics of your country so you're going to have to research how to get it done without a doctor. You can always just bug walk-ins until someone signs a lab req. If you're not testing at all, the advice would probably be start low, go slow. Start at the bottom and slowly increase. Blood work will help you massively in determining the appropriate dose for you otherwise you're just guessing and basing it on clinical signs and you're, presumably, not an MD.