hi this is basically the only place i feel comfortable sharing my inner stuff i wouldnt usually say to anyone so emh lol read if you want

i dont like listening to music. i almost never do. i was a bit shocked when i learned people listen to it all the time in the background. i have almost no musical taste and i always listen to pretty weird songs as a result (my most searched music thing on yt is probably "vsauce music"). i know it isnt a real issue and i can do whatever i want but i feel like im missing out or im being left out, idk.

i also almost never read. i dont know what was the last book i read on my own. i also see people who read a lot and have a huge literary culture and all but i really dont do any of it. as a result im not the best at expressing myself through language and i have very low attention spans when reading books and i cant get lost easily. the last book i might have read was the great gatsby which was for school, i only read like 7 chapters and i needed to be aided by an audiobook to follow along. in the end watching the movie i just saw i didnt understand much at all after all. teachers really wanted me to read more but i really didnt liek it so it always feels like a joke to me when people tell me to read this or that book.

i also have some issues with studying properly and assimilating school stuff, everybody at my age probably has a solidified method to study and learn but i kinda dont. i just read until i remember it.

i also dont really have a lot of... stuff in general i do. i dont have anything that qualifies really as a hobby. i didnt do sports, i dont draw. i really dont like going outside of my house. i mostly browse the internet and chill. im fine with this really but i cant avoid the feeling that im missing out and that i behave too lethargically; ideally i'd stay home sleeping all day or just watching videos/talking to friends/posting but it's fine with me. i just feel like im missing out on better stuff. (i do not think i am depressed. i was a year or so ago, now not really anymore)

i dont really have a lot of friends? lately it's getting better since i managed to see people at physical school for some weeks. this summer i felt like i had no irl friends, 5-6 people online i talk to regularly and one best friend i've never met face to face, so it's really not a lot. people at school didnt dislike me but i felt like they arent really friends but just very kind people. but lately it's gotten better since i got more of my personality more and people like me for that and since we managed to connect more after school without me having to leave my house by chatting on discord playing among us.

i was abroad for a while last year and a person there told me i should test for autism or adhd idk lol. thanks for reading my rant