Drank two nights in a row for the first time in awhile and feel bad about it

Over the last couple months, have been doing a lot better overall, but it never feels like enough and each falter feels worse when I've trying to be committed to being sober

Idk, I'm angry at myself and disappointed and don't know what to do with that

I'm making so much effort to improve myself and it's just like it all feels pathetic and useless sometimes

I feel really lonely and upset with where I am in my life and just wish I had a partner and some close friends and there's just nothing for me other than masochistic exercise and cats

Don't get me wrong, I love both of those, but it still feels really hollow sometimes

Idk

People need other people sometimes and I happen to be a person and unfortunately don't really have anyone