Case by case basis. But someone mentioned to me that they/them/their exists as both a plural and a singular, which is less precise. Also that they/them/their has its traditions in being neutral toward the existing gender binary, and as such is 'loaded,' so to speak.
It's not so much that certain pronouns aren't okay, but rather insufficient. New pronouns are experimental and exploratory and a way of interfacing with the abstraction that is human identity, much like names. There's a tendency to look at linguistic processes as static and technical, but it's a fluid thing.
thinking about it akin to names is interesting. i haven't considered that. one more question though, i looked at the list of pronouns in the settings and one option is "doe/deer". i don't mean to be insensitive but that seems silly to me. is there a line that can be crossed where pronouns go from a form of gender expression to what seems to me to just be a nickname of sorts? or does anything go? again i'm sorry if this is insensitive. i just don't have a lot of experience with this topic.
Assuming it's in good faith, there isn't really a "line."
Now you could say that if every single person had their own unique pronouns that, essentially, instead of there being pronouns, every individual would then possess four names. This is neither good nor bad; such conventions of language do not possess moral value, and 'efficiency' or information density is not inherently valued in language as any linguist can tell you. Again: this is exploratory, speculative, and meditative.
how would this translate to here and now though? i can't see the majority populace agreeing to refer to someone using those pronouns.
and to add, do you know if there's been any research into the neopronouns (which i just looked up the name of) we're discussing? i know that transgender and nonbinary identities are supported by science but to me that seems a far cry to referring to yourself as doe. i guess i could google this myself but i'm a lazy fuck
Does it matter if they do agree? It's not a dedicated national campaign, it's a point of personal use. On an Internet forum about a comedy podcast, no less.
Research? Maybe. Someone probably knows more in that regard than I do. But again, this isn't scientific or clinical. Think of this in the more abstract or artistic in sense-making. It's not meant to rewrite English.
it is meant to rewrite English :) how else can we deconstruct the social construct of gender while it's embedded in our language?
but yeah, research here doesn't really make sense:
there are gender identities other than male and female and the neutrality of they/them is wrong/dysphoria inducing for some people with those identities.
the only way to learn someone's gender identity and pronouns is to ask them. that means we have to trust the answers that people give us, whatever our initial feelings about the ridiculousness or "normality" of any particular identity or choice of preferred pronouns.
consequently, all science can tell us is that some people prefer some unique and uncommon pronouns. we respect them because we respect the people.
@benny I also want to challenge you to consider why your feelings about someone else's pronouns are what matters here. shouldn't we emphasize the feelings of the people who are being referred to by these pronouns? after all, they're telling you that this is how they wish to be treated.
i understand it's more about the person using these pronouns' feelings than mine. i looked through the user with the doe/deer pronouns and read deer(?) explanation, which is pretty much doe(?) just liked how it sounded. and i will respect deer(?) pronouns.
i know this is literally a bigot talking point and i don't mean it like that. but how do you discern between actual gender expression with pronouns and someone who has a mental condition. i mean, i've seen examples of people calling themselves all kinds of different things and truly believing it. i don't think the users of doe/deer and another i saw in the settings, fae/faer, believe themselves to be a four-legged mammal and a mythical creature respectively. i think i'm correct to think it's more of a coincidence (or not exactly a coincidence but not intended like that) the names are shared. and i'm pretty sure the majority of the population don't feel the need to use neopronouns. which means that people who do use them are special cases. i know correct pronoun usage can cause gender euphoria for some people, but for other people could it just be more of a normal satisfaction? like if i changed my name to something i thought sounded cooler. someone could just like the way certain pronouns sound without actually feeling any sort of gender dysphoria and just be content with their assigned gender. i think i'm just trying to question where legitimate transgender/nonbinary identities and simple preference differ. also sorry about the atrocious writing, phrasing, structure, etc. i'm kind of an idiot.
i looked through the user with the doe/deer pronouns and read deer(?) explanation, which is pretty much doe(?) just liked how it sounded. and i will respect deer(?) pronouns.
you've got this correct. and yes, isn't that plenty reason?
i know this is literally a bigot talking point and i don’t mean it like that.
so what does it mean to acknowledge this and continue forward anyway?
but how do you discern between actual gender expression with pronouns and someone who has a mental condition.
this is deeply offensive. neurodivergent people deserve to have their humanity respected as much as any of the rest of us.
i don’t think the users of doe/deer and another i saw in the settings, fae/faer, believe themselves to be a four-legged mammal and a mythical creature respectively
pronouns don't tell you anything about identity. some cis women use he/him pronouns and some cis men use she/her. there are also people who do identify as significantly non-human entities - you're looking for the term otherkin.
and i’m pretty sure the majority of the population don’t feel the need to use neopronouns. which means that people who do use them are special cases.
so what? fuck "normal". as a trans person, I'm so unbelievably sick and tired of being judged for not fitting within the straightjacket of "normality" (read cishet; this is called compulsory cisheteronormativity in the feminist literature). all power to my non-binary comrades who tear "normality" down even further.
like if i changed my name to something i thought sounded cooler. someone could just like the way certain pronouns sound without actually feeling any sort of gender dysphoria and just be content with their assigned gender.
I honestly wish more cis people did this. change your name, change your pronouns. help trans people normalize existing as a trans person.
i think i’m just trying to question where legitimate transgender/nonbinary identities and simple preference differ.
there's no difference. there's a spectrum that ranges from severe dysphoria to mild preference and it's all valid. every single person on that spectrum deserves to have their humanity respected.
you're trying to separate valid from invalid trans people and there's no such thing. validity is a cis construct, not a trans one. it's as fictitious as money, race, sex, and gender itself.
Case by case basis. But someone mentioned to me that they/them/their exists as both a plural and a singular, which is less precise. Also that they/them/their has its traditions in being neutral toward the existing gender binary, and as such is 'loaded,' so to speak.
It's not so much that certain pronouns aren't okay, but rather insufficient. New pronouns are experimental and exploratory and a way of interfacing with the abstraction that is human identity, much like names. There's a tendency to look at linguistic processes as static and technical, but it's a fluid thing.
thinking about it akin to names is interesting. i haven't considered that. one more question though, i looked at the list of pronouns in the settings and one option is "doe/deer". i don't mean to be insensitive but that seems silly to me. is there a line that can be crossed where pronouns go from a form of gender expression to what seems to me to just be a nickname of sorts? or does anything go? again i'm sorry if this is insensitive. i just don't have a lot of experience with this topic.
Assuming it's in good faith, there isn't really a "line."
Now you could say that if every single person had their own unique pronouns that, essentially, instead of there being pronouns, every individual would then possess four names. This is neither good nor bad; such conventions of language do not possess moral value, and 'efficiency' or information density is not inherently valued in language as any linguist can tell you. Again: this is exploratory, speculative, and meditative.
how would this translate to here and now though? i can't see the majority populace agreeing to refer to someone using those pronouns.
and to add, do you know if there's been any research into the neopronouns (which i just looked up the name of) we're discussing? i know that transgender and nonbinary identities are supported by science but to me that seems a far cry to referring to yourself as doe. i guess i could google this myself but i'm a lazy fuck
Does it matter if they do agree? It's not a dedicated national campaign, it's a point of personal use. On an Internet forum about a comedy podcast, no less.
Research? Maybe. Someone probably knows more in that regard than I do. But again, this isn't scientific or clinical. Think of this in the more abstract or artistic in sense-making. It's not meant to rewrite English.
it is meant to rewrite English :) how else can we deconstruct the social construct of gender while it's embedded in our language?
but yeah, research here doesn't really make sense:
@benny I also want to challenge you to consider why your feelings about someone else's pronouns are what matters here. shouldn't we emphasize the feelings of the people who are being referred to by these pronouns? after all, they're telling you that this is how they wish to be treated.
i understand it's more about the person using these pronouns' feelings than mine. i looked through the user with the doe/deer pronouns and read deer(?) explanation, which is pretty much doe(?) just liked how it sounded. and i will respect deer(?) pronouns.
i know this is literally a bigot talking point and i don't mean it like that. but how do you discern between actual gender expression with pronouns and someone who has a mental condition. i mean, i've seen examples of people calling themselves all kinds of different things and truly believing it. i don't think the users of doe/deer and another i saw in the settings, fae/faer, believe themselves to be a four-legged mammal and a mythical creature respectively. i think i'm correct to think it's more of a coincidence (or not exactly a coincidence but not intended like that) the names are shared. and i'm pretty sure the majority of the population don't feel the need to use neopronouns. which means that people who do use them are special cases. i know correct pronoun usage can cause gender euphoria for some people, but for other people could it just be more of a normal satisfaction? like if i changed my name to something i thought sounded cooler. someone could just like the way certain pronouns sound without actually feeling any sort of gender dysphoria and just be content with their assigned gender. i think i'm just trying to question where legitimate transgender/nonbinary identities and simple preference differ. also sorry about the atrocious writing, phrasing, structure, etc. i'm kind of an idiot.
deleted by creator
Thank you for your thoughtful and thorough explanation. It helped me learn as well.
thanks for the response.
Are you joining the pinned book club?
you've got this correct. and yes, isn't that plenty reason?
so what does it mean to acknowledge this and continue forward anyway?
this is deeply offensive. neurodivergent people deserve to have their humanity respected as much as any of the rest of us.
pronouns don't tell you anything about identity. some cis women use he/him pronouns and some cis men use she/her. there are also people who do identify as significantly non-human entities - you're looking for the term otherkin.
so what? fuck "normal". as a trans person, I'm so unbelievably sick and tired of being judged for not fitting within the straightjacket of "normality" (read cishet; this is called compulsory cisheteronormativity in the feminist literature). all power to my non-binary comrades who tear "normality" down even further.
I honestly wish more cis people did this. change your name, change your pronouns. help trans people normalize existing as a trans person.
there's no difference. there's a spectrum that ranges from severe dysphoria to mild preference and it's all valid. every single person on that spectrum deserves to have their humanity respected.
you're trying to separate valid from invalid trans people and there's no such thing. validity is a cis construct, not a trans one. it's as fictitious as money, race, sex, and gender itself.
what are your thoughts on otherkin? and also, sex as in biological sex? now i'm pretty sure that's not fictitious at all as you say.
I see it as more additive and deepening than rewriting, if that makes sense.
sure, I'm saying deconstruction is an explicit goal
Go search the comments here doe explained why deer uses those pro nouns specifically. It may help you understand.