I imagine him all frustrated trying so hard, regurgitating theory quotes with glassy eyes and everyone going "OK, CIA brat" under their breath

Really sex pest behaviour.

  • the_river_cass [she/her]
    ·
    4 years ago

    seconding @ScreamoBMO's point about counseling... this also all sounds like The Queer Experiencetm and repression is a hell of a hole to dig yourself back out of - this from personal experience. I'm a trans woman and while I've never had an experience anywhere near as strong as what you're describing, I do know what it's like to repress a bunch of shit and develop nasty feelings around yourself and the people you're attracted to... in my case, I wasn't even attracted to women - I was jealous of them and confused the hell out of those two emotions and I'm only now, twenty years later, working out my attraction to men, something that was buried so deeply because it was overwhelmed by my jealousy (plus a whole host of other shit).

    this stuff can be seriously traumatizing even with nothing else going on (there's always other stuff going on) so get help working through it. :cat-trans:

    • MerryChristmas [any]
      ·
      4 years ago

      I totally understand that jealousy. For me it often took the form of codependency, but realizing how much of my attraction was based on wanting to become more like the person I was attracted to made me really reevaluate the way I related to the concept of gender in general.

      • the_river_cass [she/her]
        ·
        4 years ago

        I came at it the other way around because I knew I was trans the second it was described to me... it just took me a while to work out this, including the codependency, were part and parcel of my gender issues because of how hard I was fighting to repress that.

    • Spartacist [he/him]
      ·
      4 years ago

      I don’t know. I do feel like a guy, and I do feel much more attracted to women than men... I don’t want to talk to my parents about this, I don’t want to go to a shrink

      • SteveHasBunker [he/him]
        ·
        4 years ago

        It sound to me you’re just anxious about sex and sexuality. Which is fine, sex is weird and scary, if anything being a little anxious over it is a healthy thing.

        But I would suggest you talk to someone about this. If you decide you want to be celibate that’s fine, but if doing so is this much of a struggle for you I don’t think it’ll make you happy. You probably need to talk to someone and figure out why you feel so anxious about it.

      • the_river_cass [she/her]
        ·
        4 years ago

        I was talking about me, I'm not saying you have the same thing going on. tell your parents you have depression and want to see a therapist for it. it's a good catch all, will almost certainly be true in any case, and is sufficiently common that they won't suspect anything.

        but you really should talk to someone. I promise, you don't want the consequences of this kind of repression weighing on you decades later. I can explain what that's like if you want but otherwise I'll spare you the gorey details.