couldnt be me 😭
edit: hey btw guys i know it's cool to self indulge into these sorta things and joking about them but i thought we could maybe talk about it more seriously, ok, sorry, if you still wanna joke it's cool too
My life for like half a decade is just random highs and lows. Sometimes I feel normal, I'll make plans and shit but the very next day, for no particular reason I just can't find the energy to follow up on the plans happy me made. It's a domino effect too cause then I feel awful for flaking or just not being engaging if I do end up going out or whatever.
Plus a lot of my friends are mature now and want to talk stocks, buying a house and kids, all the stuff people with their shit together talk about I guess and I just check out if those convos hard and it makes me feel so fucking bad because I can't contribute to the discussion and it makes me feel like a bad friend. I can hold the convo a bit but it's mind numbing, I literally don't and haven't ever once cared how a certain stock is doing
damn man that's tough, i hope you can find some happiness even if stuff sucks
Oh I for sure do, I don't let it control me and also have been doing much better since around when trump and co hard corona, it was the best I felt in a long time so I started working out more and eating better and just not wallowing away doing nothing when I finally had energy. So I kept at it and started getting more sun and just trying to maintain that vibe. It's just one of those things that happens and I use to just let it, but I've found ways to combat it so it doesn't happen too often anymore. The motivation wasn't there for too long, and fuck not doing anything about it
Also stopped using IG and facebook and maybe spend 15 mins tops on reddit besides Askhistory, which I enjoy a lot. Basically just trying to cut out things including certain people who would contribute to the suck. Also I stopped obsessively reading climate science stuff, that too was a big help
Oh ok, this is me with the added fun of my partner (who I love more than anything and also suffers from depression) asking me "Why are you sad?" and then getting upset when I go "I don't know" which usually ends up with both of us crying for no particular reason
I have since learned to basically be like "I saw a thing where an animal got hurt" and that usually works better
Yep and with it being my absolutely worst fear to make people sad, this has been an incredibly trying time for us
That being said, we are making inroads to figuring out my brain scramblies
wanna sit this one out with me? im supposed to study but im getting quite frustrated over nothing
Sorry you're having a bad time, comrade. Would it help to have someone mom you for a bit? If so, let's talk about what you need to get done today and what we can do to make that happen. If that isn't helpful at the moment, no probs. :heart-sickle:
it's 22.30 right now. i need to get done doing this latin homework which is a bit demanding but hoenstly i dont know if the teacher is even gonna call me to see if i know it.
i also really need to get started on my art history homework which has friday morning as a deadline, and i shouldve started yesterday. i feel no drive to work right now and im feeling a bit sad.
im trying to text my friend but he's a bit unresponsive and i hope it isnt my fault.
OK, first question: Have you been staring blankly at your homework and feel like you're not making progress? Or trying not to look at it at all and doing things to distract yourself instead?
the book is open here but i just dont wanna do it, im just browsing rn, but i still need my pc open to do it, i have to write stuff down as a file
OK, gotcha. It can definitely be hard to focus when you have to keep using your computer and the internet is right. there. with all its distractions. I know it takes a little longer, but one thing that helps me sometimes when I'm having trouble focusing/feeling motivated is to go away from my computer and write stuff down on paper first, then transfer it to the computer. Alternately, it might be good to step away from homework altogether for a few minutes, just to reset. Can you talk a 10 minute walk around your block? Just going outside and moving briskly can be a good "start over" moment, just to get things going.
that is probably good, although i think it's slightly illegal getting outside at 11 pm for no reason rn here. maybe im just gonna lay in bed for a bit
one thing that has been appening is when i leave my room i have to pass around my brother and kinda stop next to him to see what he's up to on his pc (usually playing minecraft or doing homework with friends) and he always treats me like shit, like "wtf do you want, get away, im with friends" like im some lame monster he doesnt want around ugh. this is a stupid thing but it's really not made my day better.
The trick is to sit right down to the homework and start in on it, without browsing anything else, just as soon as you get back from your walk.
idk i dont always feel like this but when i do it hurts a whole lot
Im so sorry to hear that, mostly cos the lockdown was great for me, i kept having panic attacks at school and almost cried in class once and now i dont even have to leave my house so im really doing fine
I feel so alienated, even from my partner. I get so overwhelmed and angry constantly and when they ask me what's wrong or how they can help me I just don't know what to say which makes me angrier and more overwhelmed. I'm incapable of putting into words how unbelievably crushing everything is. It's why I don't see a therapist either. Talking doesn't help when I can't even get across why I feel this way.
Do you wajt to send them a written note about this? So they atleast understand?
like if you cant talk to them about it, maybe write them a letter? idk
Oh I understand. It's not that I have trouble talking to them it's that I don't know how to put my problems into words at all. But I appreciate the advice nonetheless
Mood...
Btw based on the second half of your username you’d better snap out of it. There’s a lot of disinformation posting comrade. Gotta do that election interference
oh like it's russian? it's meant to be like the song katyusha which i noticed onyl two years too late doesnt have a second K in it
Yeah it totally sounds like you’re trying to russianize your name.
no i picked up this name cos it sounded like the song, so i had a username ready, and cos it sounded like cat
Well, I think you should embrace your implied Russian identity. Better than an Italian one!
a) oh no the mortifying ordeal of being known
b) my family is full of slavs
Ah so you’re a Soviet! Congrats.
I don’t know if this conversation has made you feel any better about your procrastination predicament, and hope it hasn’t made things worse by serving as a reminder that the USSR isn’t around anymore :/
Happens to me at least a couple days a week. I've had depressive episodes before, and it feels different than those. Some people I've talked to say it might be burnout. Like, my brain has figured out that whatever I do, nothing improves, so why try?
