Idk I did an explicitly FWB thing with someone for ~8 months and it was one of the best romantic relationships I've ever had.
We'd both just gotten out of long-term relationships and were very up front about the whole "It's absolutely not responsible for me to immediately get into another LTR right now so please, please don't pressure me into doing that" thing.
We even had an unintentional-yet-simultaneous drunk check-in with eachother's best friend one night to make sure that we were being honest about our lack of intentions/feelings. She was absolutely gorgeous and I like doing cutesy romantic shit / being a caretaker so I think it took her a while to trust that I had no ulterior motives.
IMO it takes a lot of maturity and experience to say, "Wow I'm really attracted to this person and also enjoy them as a friend, but there seem like a few personality conflicts that would make this only a 'good' relationship and not a 'great' one". We merged friend groups, had a lot of sex, I became friends with her brother, etc... but we were very clear whenever anyone asked about "We're 100% not dating, we just really enjoy going on dates with eachother". One day I called her to hook up and she said she was seeing someone she was really excited about. We all got together and had beers and I was genuinely excited for both of them (which had nothing to do with me giving her 'my blessing' or anything, I think she was just wanted to show him off and knew I would think he was cool).
For both people to feel that way (and communicate it effectively) is probably pretty rare, in the same way that two people feeling "Wow this is my forever person" at once is also pretty rare.
First off, I'm realizing that you were obviously just hurt by someone who wasn't honest with you and feel like my response should have been more sympathetic instead of giving you an example of an 'ideal' situation. I apologize if any of this came off as insensitive or made you feel worse. You're not selfish. You should never feel any guilty for being up front about what you want/need. Trying to get your basic human needs met can be hard as hell. Sorry if I trivialized any of that.
I'm also a total weirdo in that I don't really get jealous. A FWB thing works for my personality in the same way that I'm assuming polyamory would (idk, haven't tried it). That doesn't mean that it's right for you or for anyone else. If the way I described my situation/feelings confused you, that probably means that either I'm a shitty communicator (which, obvs, especially over the internet) or that I'm inhabiting a different brain-world that wouldn't vibe with you.
As to the 'good vs great' thing: I'm a pretty easy-going person and get along with most people. I've had a lot of relationships that were 'fine' and that I could have 'made work', but all of which felt like I'd be 'settling' to a tangible degree... which wasn't/isn't something that I'm OK with. Anyone who has dug their heels in and pushed a relationship beyond its natural timeline probably gets what I'm talking about. It's less about finding a 'perfect' person, and more about finding someone who's genuinely great for you.
Yeah lmao 'fuck buddy' really makes the other person sound like a human fleshlight. I'd have a hard time saying that one with a straight face, but Americans really have a shitty lexicon for sex and feelings so w/e, prob par for the course.
Uhhh I think it ideally means you're attracted to that person (and obviously can tolerate their personality) and are able to dive head-first into the sexual passion feelings but aren't suppressing the big 'L O V E' / they-are-the-one feelings. If you're suppressing those, someone's gonna get hurt for sure.
Idk I did an explicitly FWB thing with someone for ~8 months and it was one of the best romantic relationships I've ever had.
We'd both just gotten out of long-term relationships and were very up front about the whole "It's absolutely not responsible for me to immediately get into another LTR right now so please, please don't pressure me into doing that" thing.
We even had an unintentional-yet-simultaneous drunk check-in with eachother's best friend one night to make sure that we were being honest about our lack of intentions/feelings. She was absolutely gorgeous and I like doing cutesy romantic shit / being a caretaker so I think it took her a while to trust that I had no ulterior motives.
IMO it takes a lot of maturity and experience to say, "Wow I'm really attracted to this person and also enjoy them as a friend, but there seem like a few personality conflicts that would make this only a 'good' relationship and not a 'great' one". We merged friend groups, had a lot of sex, I became friends with her brother, etc... but we were very clear whenever anyone asked about "We're 100% not dating, we just really enjoy going on dates with eachother". One day I called her to hook up and she said she was seeing someone she was really excited about. We all got together and had beers and I was genuinely excited for both of them (which had nothing to do with me giving her 'my blessing' or anything, I think she was just wanted to show him off and knew I would think he was cool).
For both people to feel that way (and communicate it effectively) is probably pretty rare, in the same way that two people feeling "Wow this is my forever person" at once is also pretty rare.
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First off, I'm realizing that you were obviously just hurt by someone who wasn't honest with you and feel like my response should have been more sympathetic instead of giving you an example of an 'ideal' situation. I apologize if any of this came off as insensitive or made you feel worse. You're not selfish. You should never feel any guilty for being up front about what you want/need. Trying to get your basic human needs met can be hard as hell. Sorry if I trivialized any of that.
I'm also a total weirdo in that I don't really get jealous. A FWB thing works for my personality in the same way that I'm assuming polyamory would (idk, haven't tried it). That doesn't mean that it's right for you or for anyone else. If the way I described my situation/feelings confused you, that probably means that either I'm a shitty communicator (which, obvs, especially over the internet) or that I'm inhabiting a different brain-world that wouldn't vibe with you.
As to the 'good vs great' thing: I'm a pretty easy-going person and get along with most people. I've had a lot of relationships that were 'fine' and that I could have 'made work', but all of which felt like I'd be 'settling' to a tangible degree... which wasn't/isn't something that I'm OK with. Anyone who has dug their heels in and pushed a relationship beyond its natural timeline probably gets what I'm talking about. It's less about finding a 'perfect' person, and more about finding someone who's genuinely great for you.
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Yeah lmao 'fuck buddy' really makes the other person sound like a human fleshlight. I'd have a hard time saying that one with a straight face, but Americans really have a shitty lexicon for sex and feelings so w/e, prob par for the course.
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Uhhh I think it ideally means you're attracted to that person (and obviously can tolerate their personality) and are able to dive head-first into the sexual passion feelings but aren't suppressing the big 'L O V E' / they-are-the-one feelings. If you're suppressing those, someone's gonna get hurt for sure.
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