I've had I've never had a casual sex relationship that went for any length of time, so I don't know if there's some kind of secret trick.
More likely the answer is self-knowledge. Some people thrive on casual sex and some don't. You learn this about yourself and seek out relationships accordingly.
One nice thing about getting older is that you have a better sense of who you are. It's easier to say well, I may not necessarily love these things about myself, but that's the way I am, so there's no point in worrying about it. Some things about the self are mutable and some are not. It's not so clear which is which at first.
On the other hand, I just found out I'm starting to lose my hair and my back is fucked up so, y'know, it's a mixed bag.
I do it by being too afraid to get emotionally attached to anyone, can't really recommend it. You just end up on the other side of the problem, I've had to break a relationship because my partner started to get romantically attached to me and the power balance of the whole relationship became unfair for both of us. They were always available and looking for any kind of response from me, and I was available when I could be arsed and didn't have anything better to do. It wasn't fair for them and it wasn't fair for me since I always ended up feeling guilty because I couldn't reciprocate the feelings. It always hurts to get rejected, it always hurts to reject, and it always hurts when things don't work out like you hope.
Try to be glad that you have empathy, love the people in your life and try to do what's right even when it hurts. These are all platitudes but unfortunately it's all I have, hope it gets better.
Idk I did an explicitly FWB thing with someone for ~8 months and it was one of the best romantic relationships I've ever had.
We'd both just gotten out of long-term relationships and were very up front about the whole "It's absolutely not responsible for me to immediately get into another LTR right now so please, please don't pressure me into doing that" thing.
We even had an unintentional-yet-simultaneous drunk check-in with eachother's best friend one night to make sure that we were being honest about our lack of intentions/feelings. She was absolutely gorgeous and I like doing cutesy romantic shit / being a caretaker so I think it took her a while to trust that I had no ulterior motives.
IMO it takes a lot of maturity and experience to say, "Wow I'm really attracted to this person and also enjoy them as a friend, but there seem like a few personality conflicts that would make this only a 'good' relationship and not a 'great' one". We merged friend groups, had a lot of sex, I became friends with her brother, etc... but we were very clear whenever anyone asked about "We're 100% not dating, we just really enjoy going on dates with eachother". One day I called her to hook up and she said she was seeing someone she was really excited about. We all got together and had beers and I was genuinely excited for both of them (which had nothing to do with me giving her 'my blessing' or anything, I think she was just wanted to show him off and knew I would think he was cool).
For both people to feel that way (and communicate it effectively) is probably pretty rare, in the same way that two people feeling "Wow this is my forever person" at once is also pretty rare.
First off, I'm realizing that you were obviously just hurt by someone who wasn't honest with you and feel like my response should have been more sympathetic instead of giving you an example of an 'ideal' situation. I apologize if any of this came off as insensitive or made you feel worse. You're not selfish. You should never feel any guilty for being up front about what you want/need. Trying to get your basic human needs met can be hard as hell. Sorry if I trivialized any of that.
I'm also a total weirdo in that I don't really get jealous. A FWB thing works for my personality in the same way that I'm assuming polyamory would (idk, haven't tried it). That doesn't mean that it's right for you or for anyone else. If the way I described my situation/feelings confused you, that probably means that either I'm a shitty communicator (which, obvs, especially over the internet) or that I'm inhabiting a different brain-world that wouldn't vibe with you.
As to the 'good vs great' thing: I'm a pretty easy-going person and get along with most people. I've had a lot of relationships that were 'fine' and that I could have 'made work', but all of which felt like I'd be 'settling' to a tangible degree... which wasn't/isn't something that I'm OK with. Anyone who has dug their heels in and pushed a relationship beyond its natural timeline probably gets what I'm talking about. It's less about finding a 'perfect' person, and more about finding someone who's genuinely great for you.
Yeah lmao 'fuck buddy' really makes the other person sound like a human fleshlight. I'd have a hard time saying that one with a straight face, but Americans really have a shitty lexicon for sex and feelings so w/e, prob par for the course.
Uhhh I think it ideally means you're attracted to that person (and obviously can tolerate their personality) and are able to dive head-first into the sexual passion feelings but aren't suppressing the big 'L O V E' / they-are-the-one feelings. If you're suppressing those, someone's gonna get hurt for sure.
Alloromantic is opposite of aromantic, with aromantic peeps being someone who doesn't become attracted to people romantically. Similar to the spectrum of Allosexual/asexual folks who would or would not be attracted to people sexually. Alloromantic/allosexual folks would be people who do experience romantic or sexual attraction
this is cosmic reparations to us for you not doing your part in this pandemic because low key this is entertaining
lmao literally you got fucked
stop fucking with corona risks and this wouldnt have happened, just be happy since covid clearly hasnt affected you yet
you made a WHOLE thread on youre relationship during a pandemic talking about sex / whatever and how you got attached
are you biden because this has massive stroke energy, maybe with a spot of aneurysm?
but jokes aside really any personal relationship is unpredictable and shit happens, still a fucking dipshit imo for doing this in a pandemic though but then again thats a lot people at this point so idk stop trying to get killed by spicy air
wait saw the edit but still relationship thing i said applies, good on you for not getting the spicy boi air virus
nah at this point it doesnt matter too much were all getting fucked beyond reason at this point and the lib shit going around is the worst
have fun but also try to keep in mind the situation
like shit im having a breathes in Boi moment ALL the time so i get it
From my limited experience, Friends with benefits is a lot of fun but you have to remind yourself continually, and always make sure you are on the same page. Sex is an emotionally vulnerable experience and when you receive comfort and pleasure from your partner it feels like the greatest thing ever. It makes you feel alive and human. But the pull of romantic thoughts is simply going to be too tempting if you really like the person.
Don't be ashamed or feel foolish, it's very normal for one or both partners to fall into the spiral.
I ended up in a FWB relationship that basically was a boyfriend/girlfriend situation. Dates, trips, and some very erotic nights. Typically when we had sex there really wasn't much held back in terms of romance. Long kissing sessions and cuddling before and after. We didn't fuck like we were just friends, we fucked like we were lovers. You can see how this eventually started to spill over and not operate like a FWB. Fortunately we never had any kind of breakup but we just drifted apart. Early on I was the one that wanted a closer relationship, and later that faded into me just being comfortable with a fuck buddy. As time progressed she wanted something more serious except she wouldn't directly admit it and was less interested in the sex. I started to get the vibe that she was trying to use sex to get something else. We drifted apart probably before things began to get bad and we are still good friends.
You can see from my story how it was obvious what it was from the get go but when you are living it you don't notice. It always feels stupid when you look back at relationship decisions you made. But it's very normal. Don't beat yourself up.
The best advice I can give is: If you worry about what sex means between you and another person, you need to find out why you are having sex with them.
Have a mutual understanding and enjoy yourself. If you feel yourself getting more deeply pulled in, take a step back and think. Don't be afraid to clarify because they might be feeling the same confusion and will be glad you asked. Communication is key.
