Permanently Deleted
Sit in a comfortable chair with your feet flat on the floor and your hands resting comfortably on your lap with your palms up.
Breathe deeply: in through the nose, out through the mouth. Just let your thoughts come and go but do not judge them. Simply label them as thought. Let them move on like clouds floating in the sky.
Now picture yourself being attacked by a giant grizzly bear.
His large frying-pan-size paw swats you in the face, razor-sharp claws shredding your skin like sun-baked newspaper. Still very much alive (but in a state of shock) you watch helplessly as Ursus horribilis devours the soft sweet meat of your exposed belly. With your spinal cord severed, escape is impossible.
It is here that you can give yourself the gift of surrender. There is absolutely nothing you can do but pray for a swift death. Now, having lost several gallons of blood in under two minutes, you are freezing cold and only semi-conscious when this most ungentle of giants begins removing the top of your skull in an effort to gain access to your gray jelly-like brain.
There are some things in life that we are completely powerless over. To try to fight against them is to anger them even more. The proper defense in a situation like this is no defense. Absolute and total surrender is required if we are to obtain freedom: in this case, the sweet freedom of final death.
I want you to picture your bear.
What does it look like? What does it smell like? Is it a male? Is it a female? Does your bear have any scars or chipped fangs?
Now make friends with your bear.
Thank it for choosing you to sustain itself, on choosing you to play an important part in its survival.
Now hug the bear. Let's just say you can move your arms at this point. And whisper these words into its ears:
"Mighty bear: as you end my life you end my problems. You end my worrying and my endless need to please others, because having torn apart my body and devoured my flesh I no longer need to compare my looks to others. I no longer need to try to be anyone else. I can be content being me, a person who was savagely and slowly eaten by a bear. I thank you, and I love you."
He gazed up at the enormous face. Forty years it had taken him to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the furry lips. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self-willed exile from the loving beast! Two blood-stained tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Bear.
Remember that dude who was getting mauled by a grizzly while fishing a stream and he miraculously remembered his grandma telling him as like a kid to put his arm down the grizzly's throat so he did exactly that and gagged the fuck out of that giant ass bear and it left him alone. He was still fucked up from the mauling, but he survived because he did that. Bears don't want you to know this one neat trick!
That's such a monke respone to a giant predator attack, just shove grimy ape paw down throat
I will say this much, a black bear tipped over our garbage can over the summer and ran off with the trash bags and it was a pain in the ass picking the trash up. Bad, bad, bear.
Yeah the black bears around here are mostly harmless and are really more of a nuisance than a menace.
Polar bears are a lot more aggressive because of humans so I don't really blame them. Bear attacks have skyrocketed because we are destroying their habitat. Tummy full bear is happy bear.
We spent all that time hyping up dragons and then it turns out bears basically fill that role already
I understand nature is harsh and the methods in which creatures use to kill is all natural especially when it comes to animals rather than humans but I really am scared of walking one day and a human with its babies comes over to me and shoots the shit out of my torso and eats my insides whilst I let out a blood curdling groan. Humans kill in such gruesome fashion it’s like they release all their anger out on their victims and make sure they are severely damaged or killed. I get it some of them look cute and the protection over their kids is nice but I wouldn’t want to go anywhere where there’s humans roaming around because even though they scare easily, it’s still very easy to piss it off and get shot to death.
- bears
While we're airing out grievances with local wildlife, fuck cougars too
also humans are more motivated. a bear's never read Catcher in the Rye.
Watch Herzogs Grizzly Man for his take on the soulless empty eyed apex predator. It’s worth a watch.
Depends what sort of bears you have near your campground! I've seen plenty of black bears come through campsites and it never worried me - they're cowards. They always run off when they realize there's a bunch of drunks sleeping off a hangover in the tent they're sniffing around. Usually they'd come by in the mornings and leave as soon as they hear us waking up.
If you have grizzlies, however? Yeah, that's pretty goddamn terrifying. I already feel a little exposed when camping without a gun, but you better believe I'd buy one if I were camping anywhere near those monstrous cuties.
I was terribly afraid of everything when I was young and my freshman year of high school I decided to do something about it. One weejend I spent a bunch of my parents money to rent a few horror movies and forced myself to watch all of them. It ended up being my favorite genre!
I still felt like I was way behind my edgy friends (I was very much a late bloomer), so the next weekend I decided to kick things up a notch with that viral Russian hammer murder video everyone was talking about back then. I made it 2 minutes in before throwing up and the images have still been burned into my brain for over a decade. I don't know why we do these things to ourselves when we're young.
Yeah they are mostly about eating berries and fish and chilling. The essence of a bear has little to do with you.
