i'm the skeleton with the funny voice who says "bone voyage!" to everyone who boards Charon's ferry
The same job I'm currently doing, because this is hell actually
I worked my entire life and I still gotta work after I die??? This is some bullshit
in charge of the 24/7 ronald reagan torture room and gift shop
I must imagine Sisyphus happy. And once I do, I have to start all over again.
As I recall if sisyphus gets the boulder to stay at the top of the hill he is restored to life so the very fact he pushes the boulder means he isn't happy
I'm the database architect, creating functional templates and a comprehensive system to manage all hell related data. Every day, I send all residents a huge excel file that they have to read and contribute to. It's important you have the right program on your computer so said excel file can pull data directly from your hard drive. To make this happen, you have to give me access to your email contact list. Here I have attached a handy 40 min video detailing how to exactly do this, now let's talk about pop and imap. Better yet, this weekend I've scheduled a 2 day workshop on email migration. Everyone in hell has to attend, but it's OK, I ordered a pizza. One pizza. Vegetarian tofu pizza. But before anyone can eat the pizza, we all have to talk about our feelings and write a poem about said feelings. Then we hug, do mandatory yoga, then talk some more about our feelings.
Thought about taking that out. No offense meant to tofu lovers. I accept you, friend.
"Pit maintenance" is what's on my job description but I end up doing freakin' evening around here!
I'm a middle level bureaucrat. Someones gotta keep the wheels of hell turning and make sure the correct forms are filled and filed.
"Look Ftumch, the consultants from level 7 have put a new system in place. You will not be flaying until you can provide these forms signed in triplicate and filed with the correct departments."
I'd be a disembodied skull that sits in a pile that cackles at your joke :)
You: "Fella makes it to the underworld and now the ferryman demands a tip too? What a Charon! Nah just kidding he's a wonderful guy"
Me:
"Gakgakgak! Nice one boss"
I spend all day in a conference room with Satan, telling him what good ideas he has and how epic his memes are.
I'm making boulder-pushing workout videos (only available on betamax)
I pedal the big Machine.
No, I don't know what it does, there's only so much I can see from my seat and I don't get breaks to get up and walk around to peek at the full extent of it.
