Disembowel grandma so the green line we pretend is real will go up again.

Artificial intelligence has nothing on my natural stupidity.

Definitely reschedule any hot air balloon tours. I don’t think even those are safe.

That’s a tame wish.

I realized this today. This is it man, it’s not getting any better. The best I can hope for is some day the nerds at the pharmaceutical corporations will make a pill that makes you think you’ve been fishing all day. But until then, it’s just shit piled on shit, served with a heaping side of shit.

Yeah, but you get to see some funny animal videos every once in a while, so I guess there’s that?

Same. I dont want to do anything anymore.

They’ve poisoned alcohol during prohibition for the same reason. I don’t see why they wouldn’t try it again.

Sometimes I’m tempted to. Her exhaust calls to me some nights. In the morning before I drive her, I sensually run my fingers along her alternator .

Don’t forget to fiddle with the ballcock too.

Hey, I have a silicone statue that looks just like the things on the second row!

In the brains 🧠

I saw someone with a shirt that said “I sucked the mothmans dick at Point Pleasant , West Virginia. “ and it was the coolest shirt I’ve seen yet.

867-5309

How to make (insert random IED) to kill your boss!

I am in middle of a League of Legends game about to close it out, and my jockstrap-less husband brings me a sandwich(not asked for) with chips as I get a double kill bot lane. So how is your day going?

https://www.libraryjournal.com/?detailStory=How-Serious-Is-Americas-Literacy-Problem

It comes from the national center of education statistics.

I can’t recommend this game enough. I love it so much.

I literally uninstalled it on the spot after I saw the “rain.” Shameful, there is no other word for it.

Even the aiming is so bad. How do you regress AIMING?