Once the pieces started falling is when I slowly started to realize I was trans.
this is such a mood. what's funny is I thought I was bisexual and just weird about being a man for awhile, then I read the Gender Dysphoria Bible to try to understand my trans nephew better, and ended up muttering "oh, fuck me" about once or twice a paragraph as the realization that this shit applied to me was slowly dawning on me, and now I'm a non-binary transbian who's realized fae's not really interested in men at all.
But gods did my upbringing really fuck me up. I still have really bad thoughts that were kinda ingrained into my brain from my upbringing that I struggle to remove to this day. I shan’t repeat them here obviously, but I am very ashamed that they still exist.
if it makes you feel any better, you're absolutely not alone in this – it's not uncommon for me to have a profoundly incorrect dogma-addled negative internal reaction to something that's actually totally fine, or even good, and then have to put in effort to redirect my brain to not be a total asshole. it's a process, and I fucking hate it, but it's a process I'm glad to have undertaken rather than staying in the quagmire into which I was born and in which I could easily still be without kind people loving me and giving me space to figure out who I actually am.
Hey, I'm just glad we all realized who we are at some point in our lives. It's a moment that none of us will ever forget I'm sure. I remember it mine happened in the middle of a convention in a crowd of like...a lot of people. I'm shocked I didn't get stared at.
It does make me feel better as I just feel like a complete and utter fuck that I have these thoughts cross my consciousness at all. I talk them over with my girlfriend from time to time to help just kinda get it out there so I can confront it directly and properly. It's not easy and it is not a comfortable thing. But you know what? We are fighting them and that's what's important. Even if it's pretty hard to dislodge them from our brains.
this is such a mood. what's funny is I thought I was bisexual and just weird about being a man for awhile, then I read the Gender Dysphoria Bible to try to understand my trans nephew better, and ended up muttering "oh, fuck me" about once or twice a paragraph as the realization that this shit applied to me was slowly dawning on me, and now I'm a non-binary transbian who's realized fae's not really interested in men at all.
if it makes you feel any better, you're absolutely not alone in this – it's not uncommon for me to have a profoundly incorrect dogma-addled negative internal reaction to something that's actually totally fine, or even good, and then have to put in effort to redirect my brain to not be a total asshole. it's a process, and I fucking hate it, but it's a process I'm glad to have undertaken rather than staying in the quagmire into which I was born and in which I could easily still be without kind people loving me and giving me space to figure out who I actually am.
Hey, I'm just glad we all realized who we are at some point in our lives. It's a moment that none of us will ever forget I'm sure. I remember it mine happened in the middle of a convention in a crowd of like...a lot of people. I'm shocked I didn't get stared at.
It does make me feel better as I just feel like a complete and utter fuck that I have these thoughts cross my consciousness at all. I talk them over with my girlfriend from time to time to help just kinda get it out there so I can confront it directly and properly. It's not easy and it is not a comfortable thing. But you know what? We are fighting them and that's what's important. Even if it's pretty hard to dislodge them from our brains.