I looked in the mirror today and actually enjoyed it. Combination of flannel shirt + n95 mask covering half my face + messy mullet hairstyle felt pretty masc and gave me gender euphoria.
feeling a little gloomy about dysphoria
I get this feeling sometimes, looking into the mirror and thinking "hey, I look pretty masc right now" and enjoying my appearance, but then it evaporates once I go outside and get instantly gendered as a woman. idk, I'm pre-HRT and I like femme fashion so I get it, and I could put more effort into passing (I have no intentions of passing as a masculine cis man but I do want to pass as clearly not-a-woman, a genderthing in more of the "androgynous guy" spectrum) but still, it's taken the bloom off these feelings of euphoria. I've never had anyone mistakenly call me "sir" or be visibly confused by my gender. It's "ma'am" "miss" "lady" all the way down and nothing changes it: not the length of my hair, whether I bind, whatever I'm wearing whether femme or masc. It just feels like it's going to be like this all the way up until I finally get HRT. I just don't have the energy to voice train consistently right now and I feel like my body is just really feminine-looking. It's weird, I kind of like my current physical form, but in the abstract way where I appreciate it aesthetically and don't feel connected to it.
Gender dysphoria is really something, lol. I can literally feel it sapping away my energy. I told myself that I'm going to wait a few months til when I leave my parents house and then get on hormones, but now I don't even know if I can wait that long. Somehow I managed to mostly compartmentalize all this dysphoria for months but now that I have a plan and I'm waiting for the plan to materialize I feel like this last stretch of time is unbearable.
Your experiences always really resonate with me. We must be fellow travellers. I've also been considering changing to the Z pronouns myself. Really glad to have you posting here.
similar stuff
When I'm presenting with femme clothes and makeup at home, I'm the gender I want to be (whatever that is). But when I walk outside, I know everyone will just see me as a gay man. That thought kills me because that's not what I am. It makes going out a lot less fun for me.
I just don't have the energy to voice train consistently right now and I feel like my body is just really feminine-looking. It's weird, I kind of like my current physical form, but in the abstract way where I appreciate it aesthetically and don't feel connected to it.
But when I walk outside, I know everyone will just see me as a gay man. That thought kills me because that's not what I am. It makes going out a lot less fun for me.
Back before I had done any sort of real introspection about my gender or sexuality, I liked that a lot of people suspected I was gay. But that's most because being a cishet is lame and why would anyone want to be that? In my case, I don't think even think it was because of my presentation or mannerisms. Still would prefer people think I'm gay than allocishet, but probably would not like it now.
I've also been considering changing to the Z pronouns myself.
more dysphoria talk
Yeah. I think I posted about it before, but I discovered that I was experiencing physical dysphoria through first naming my social dysphoria. And I literally just made the realization that I only like the way my physical form looks in the abstract. In the past, one of my doubts was always "hey, I kind of like parts of what I look like so do I really have dysphoria" but I finally have the answer to that.
I looked in the mirror today and actually enjoyed it. Combination of flannel shirt + n95 mask covering half my face + messy mullet hairstyle felt pretty masc and gave me gender euphoria.
feeling a little gloomy about dysphoria
I get this feeling sometimes, looking into the mirror and thinking "hey, I look pretty masc right now" and enjoying my appearance, but then it evaporates once I go outside and get instantly gendered as a woman. idk, I'm pre-HRT and I like femme fashion so I get it, and I could put more effort into passing (I have no intentions of passing as a masculine cis man but I do want to pass as clearly not-a-woman, a genderthing in more of the "androgynous guy" spectrum) but still, it's taken the bloom off these feelings of euphoria. I've never had anyone mistakenly call me "sir" or be visibly confused by my gender. It's "ma'am" "miss" "lady" all the way down and nothing changes it: not the length of my hair, whether I bind, whatever I'm wearing whether femme or masc. It just feels like it's going to be like this all the way up until I finally get HRT. I just don't have the energy to voice train consistently right now and I feel like my body is just really feminine-looking. It's weird, I kind of like my current physical form, but in the abstract way where I appreciate it aesthetically and don't feel connected to it.
Gender dysphoria is really something, lol. I can literally feel it sapping away my energy. I told myself that I'm going to wait a few months til when I leave my parents house and then get on hormones, but now I don't even know if I can wait that long. Somehow I managed to mostly compartmentalize all this dysphoria for months but now that I have a plan and I'm waiting for the plan to materialize I feel like this last stretch of time is unbearable.
Your experiences always really resonate with me. We must be fellow travellers. I've also been considering changing to the Z pronouns myself. Really glad to have you posting here.
similar stuff
When I'm presenting with femme clothes and makeup at home, I'm the gender I want to be (whatever that is). But when I walk outside, I know everyone will just see me as a gay man. That thought kills me because that's not what I am. It makes going out a lot less fun for me.
YES
Tap for spoiler
Back before I had done any sort of real introspection about my gender or sexuality, I liked that a lot of people suspected I was gay. But that's most because being a cishet is lame and why would anyone want to be that? In my case, I don't think even think it was because of my presentation or mannerisms. Still would prefer people think I'm gay than allocishet, but probably would not like it now.
more dysphoria talk
Yeah. I think I posted about it before, but I discovered that I was experiencing physical dysphoria through first naming my social dysphoria. And I literally just made the realization that I only like the way my physical form looks in the abstract. In the past, one of my doubts was always "hey, I kind of like parts of what I look like so do I really have dysphoria" but I finally have the answer to that.