Turns out I’ve got major gender problems and wish I had been born a girl. [Removed as it was pointed out how problematic and doomer my sentiment was] I'm well past puberty and am very masculine-looking. The dysphoria’s gotten worse over the years though, or maybe the gender affirming feelings have gotten more tempting as I’ve stopped being in denial so much and have explored a bit of transitional stuff — shaving, doing my hair different, less masculine clothing. But I just don’t know what to do next.
I’m terrified by the idea of trying to hormonally transition, mostly because I have a very high sex drive and am very attached to it. Dysphoria about the shape of my genitals aside, I do want my dick to keep getting hard, I want to still be able to orgasm from using it, and I want to still produce cum for my partner to enjoy. From what I’ve read hormonal transitioning would eventually disable all of those, and I feel for me that would be even worse than not transitioning.
I’m also pretty strong and muscular, and I don’t want to lose that muscle and put on a bunch of fat from going on estrogen, which I’ve seen happen to couple friends who’ve transitioned.
So, hormonal transitioning looks too risky for me. Still, I thought maybe I could still achieve a good degree of comfort with non hormonal transitioning, maybe getting rid of all the body hair for a start. But when it comes to non hormonal transitional steps it all feels so incredibly daunting. I’ve been “blessed” with prodigious masculinity, the ability to grow hair all over my body like a beast. Shaving is a pain and I grow hair so fast that my face turns into stubble in less than a day after shaving.
Nonhormonal transitional steps I’ve considered: Shaving all over. Problem: I’ve only shaved a bit of my body and it gets really old and time-consuming really fast.
Laser hair removal. Problem: Supposed to be very expensive, and it works better on people with white skin and light, fair hair, neither of which have I (EDIT: CORRECTION: works better with dark hair so at least I have that going for me). In particular the at-home DIY machines do not work as well in those use cases, and without training there’s more risk of damaging your own skin trying to do it.
Electrolysis hair removal: I had a bit done in the past on my face. It was not super effective, takes a lot of sessions, and was very painful even with a local anesthetic cream. On top of that, while I might be able to have it done on much of my body it is impossible to have done on my face because of Covid — I’d have to take off my respirator and that’s not happening unless I could find a practitioner wearing an N95 in an isolated room with heavy air filtration.
More drastic nonhormonal steps — facial feminization surgery, breast implants — are even more inaccessible because at this point very few healthcare practitioners give a shit about Covid so it’s nigh impossible to see a surgeon or even get to a gender care clinic. Regardless, the uncontrollable hair is a big barrier — I wouldn’t want to consider other options before getting it dealt with in the first place.
Everything seems so painful, risky, and dauntingly expensive to the point where idk how I could afford it anyway.
Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you, comrades.
I'm gonna point out a few things quickly about hormonal transition cause I was worried about a few of the same things and found that my worries were for naught. I'm not trying to convince you another way but I also see a lot of myself here.
My dick works very well after like 8 months of estrogen and like 4 months of being solidly in women's levels. Yes, horny is different, but it's still there. Estrogen mono therapy with injections is what I would recommend for this - avoid t blockers is what I would individually say. I get hard though, to maximum hardness and also t cream is an option I've known multiple trans tops to go on and they love it.
Re:horny - honestly was also scared of this but my god the horny is so much better now. I still get horny but it's not like... All encompassing horny for me. Or like this thing that makes me go masturbate. I def like it better and was a bit surprised by that. Before transition I was also like really attached to my sex drive and it's still there but it feels like this ball and chain has been removed from myself lmao
Yeah, I mean this is still way less for me, but eventually this may go away. You should weigh your options here because yeah I was kinda sad about it but I decided it was worth it. I still produce cum 8 months in.
Yeah. Me too. I love my muscles. My gender is being a muscle girl, I've been building these for years and years and I don't want to lose them. I have cis woman levels and am hitting new PRs for deadlift, leg press, etc.
For upper body I have lost some strength on purpose but I'm back at it now that I look good in a dress and tbh I've maybe lost 20% of my strength up top. I can still bang out like 10-15 pullups and bench my bodyweight... Easily.
But honestly I mostly care about my deadlifts, I'm just trying to keep the upper body muscle for looks. I am certainly not weak as hell like many trans women with noodle arms (that's many trans women's genders which is cute and good too).
My abs are slowly getting covered but hey. Again it's a calculus and there are drawbacks. But nothing's perfect.
Ok: laser. Yes gonna be expensive and painful. I'm sorry.
For body, I have been using an IPL and the difference is day and night. At home braun silk 5 is amazing. Don't use this for your face. I used to have to shave every other day now it's every 2-3 weeks
For face - yeah, this sucks. You're gonna have to go in and get laser done. It's worth it but slow and painful. I'm sorry.
You can request that they wear an N95 mask, maybe supply one to them? IDK what the protocol is for this one
Ffs: yeah I mean I would do the hair first and see where you're at.
Breast implants: you would be surprised how effective padded bralettes are to change your silhouette. This doesn't help with body dysphoria though.
Is this because the facial skin is thinner and can get damaged more easily, so a professional grade device with a trained practicioner is needed? If that's the case are there other parts of the body that should not be treated with an at-home ipl device and should be done with laser by a professional, e.g. armpits, groin, scrotum?
The hair is the worst part, even just shaving parts of my body I feel so much better
Thank you for the response and sorry I took so long to get back to it, this stuff is emotionally daunting to confront and I guess I avoid it and put it off til I have the bandwidth to consider it more.
And I guess lastly do laser and IPL permanently remove the hairs over time, or if people stop doing the treatments for a few years do they grow back? I tried reading some stuff about it and it wasn't clear; some places said "it's not permanent" If I'm going to take a risk of going go for an in-person unmasked appointment I'm going to need . Although one article mentioned that laser should be done by a dermatologist, and unfortunately it seems most doctors in my area that I've encountered don't take covid seriously anymore.
Fuck this is all so overwhelming. I imagine in order to get insurance to cover it I'd have to be out to a healthcare practitioner too like my therapist, or see a trans-specific doctor?