site's back, time to party niko-dance

  • khizuo [ze/zir]
    ·
    edit-2
    6 months ago
    anxiety and bad mental health stuff

    I seriously wish I had a different brain because mine is completely dysfunctional. I don't even aspire to not be mentally ill anymore, I honestly just aspire to be mentally ill in a way that lets me still be a functioning person. I get horrible anxiety from completely innocuous things like checking/answering messages, filling out forms, looking at social media (other than the hexbear trans mega), and doing literally anything that requires a modicum of executive functioning. It's not anxiety I can exactly push through either, it's so bad it makes me feel really shaky and ill when I have to do any of it and can send me into multi-day panic spirals. And all of it is stuff I need to do in order to yknow, exist in modern society.

    The cocktail in my brain of autism + adhd + ocd + trauma + depression + garden variety anxiety is brutal.

    • Thallo [she/her]
      ·
      6 months ago
      spoiler

      don't even aspire to not be mentally ill anymore, I honestly just aspire to be mentally ill in a way that lets me still be a functioning person

      I think this is a more common sentiment than you might think. A lot of us come to accept ourselves and how our brains work, but we wish we could live in a more accommodating society

      • khizuo [ze/zir]
        ·
        6 months ago
        spoiler

        Yeah, seems likely. I know that I'm never going to have a "neurotypical" brain, whatever that is. Still, I hope that someday I can at least get past the threshold of "modern communication causes my brain to shut off and stop working", haha.