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  • Tomboymoder [she/her, pup/pup's]
    ·
    6 months ago

    It could be read as respecting or respectful, but I feel like it could also be read as patronizing, y’know?

    • BountifulEggnog [she/her]
      ·
      6 months ago

      Cis people are dorky about it, I remember doing the same. okay maybe I'm not the best example But I really think they mean well.

    • ashinadash [she/her]
      ·
      6 months ago

      Uh I guess it's possible, I like to think people giving compliments aren't doing it to be shitty though y'know? I mean cis people are losers, I doubt that's their intent though..

      • Tomboymoder [she/her, pup/pup's]
        ·
        6 months ago

        I don’t think it’s them being purposefully shitty really, I think they do have good intentions, but it’s like the good intentions you have when you let your little cousin win at a game.

        • ashinadash [she/her]
          ·
          6 months ago

          Well if you think every cis person views you that way, I guess... But it could just as easily be like, they can tell you're nervous as fuck and think you could use it? Or even: they just genuinely mean what they say? Even with a ton of RSD and distrust of neurotypicals I don't see a reason to secondguess them on this.

          • Tomboymoder [she/her, pup/pup's]
            ·
            6 months ago

            Gonna be honest I do have a very negative view on how cis people conceptualize trans people and transness.
            I don't think most of them actually get it and I don't think most of them truly see us as women.

                • kristina [she/her]M
                  ·
                  6 months ago

                  She is ultimately correct here, though maybe she could have eased into it better. I say this all from a place of compassion, I don't want to argue with you or set you off.

                  internalized transphobia discussion

                  Think for a moment, and imagine you said all the things you say about yourself to another trans person. Would it be transphobic? If you said 'you only pass because cis people pity you' to another trans person, you would rightly be called transphobic, maybe even a gaslighter. The point of calling it out is that effectively by having such bad internalized transphobia, it will inevitably seep out into your interactions with other trans people. Its important to tackle this issue head on within yourself, not only for your own mental wellbeing but also for the wellbeing of those around you. AcidSmiley is ultimately on your side here, she clearly wants you to get better and feel better.

            • ashinadash [she/her]
              ·
              6 months ago

              I'm sure many of them probably don't, realistically, because we live in a world of transphobic fuckers. But why would they then go out of their way to compliment you if they think this? puzzled That doesn't make a ton of sense to me.

              • Tomboymoder [she/her, pup/pup's]
                ·
                6 months ago
                alleged brainworms

                because that can manifest in ways from active hostility and hatefulness to pity depending on the person.
                conservatives want us dead, but a lot of the times it feels like liberals only accept us as a third gender that makes them good people for being nice to.

                • ashinadash [she/her]
                  ·
                  6 months ago

                  No, I think that's silly actually. Again, sure there might be cis people with stupid or shitty views but this seems like a lot to extrapolate just because someone gave you a compliment.

                  The chain of logic here would have to be "liberal does not see me as woman and doesn't understand" -> "liberal spots me in public and thinks I am a lesser, third gender and wants brownie points" (from who?) -> "liberal gives me a compliment" and I just do not see that when the plainer answer is "somebody thought my top was cute". Like, you do not even know if they clocked you, so this is all a really bad driving-yourself-nuts-because- what-if scenario anyway. I don't think it's worth fussing over when the end result is "nice compliment" is all.

                  • BountifulEggnog [she/her]
                    ·
                    6 months ago
                    brainworms

                    "liberal spots me in public and thinks I am a lesser, third gender and wants brownie points" (from who?)

                    I think the fear is this step is more "liberal spots me in public and thinks I am mentally ill weirdo, and wants to feel good about doing something nice for a [word]"

                    I mean I agree that we should assume the best of people (and even if they do think I'm a weirdo I need attention) but shrug-outta-hecks does that not seem like a lib thing to do, even if not consciously?

                    Also taking this moment to ask you if you're sure this is really a discussion you want to have.

                  • Tomboymoder [she/her, pup/pup's]
                    ·
                    6 months ago

                    I don't extrapolate it from the compliment, I extrapolate it from interacting with cis people and seeing how they talk about trans people and issues.