Sending good vibes to all of my trans comrades
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![](https://hexbear.net/pictrs/image/fb3283d5-b113-4924-8c95-5a2a38b7f728.png)
overcoming internalized transphobia
i've known that i'm trans for like 8 years at this point and while i've always wanted to be a woman i've never felt like a woman, just a guy trying to be one. recently though i've been making a lot of huge changes in my life and about 5-6ish weeks ago i got on an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety and it has done so much to change my mental state. i never realized just how much fear i was constantly in before starting the meds, it was so omnipresent that i didn't even really notice it. so now i've been working through my anxiety and fears and my low self confidence and my self hatred over the past week and i had the realization of "holy shit i am a woman". it just like hit me like a ton of bricks, for the first time in my transition i've overcome my self hatred enough to actually view myself as who i am
it's kind of terrifying realization
but i'm working through fear instead of running from it like i would in the past. i've been really bad about self-sabotaging and i would usually run away from things that made me happy. like if anyone complimented me it would make me feel like shit instead of feeling good, being miserable is what i know, it is what is comfortable. the idea of being happy is terrifying, it's scary and unknown. so i would prevent myself from doing things that would make me happy
a couple days ago i kind of just realized that fear is just a thing, it can be ignored or worked past, it's just something that needs to be endured before it can go away, and i've got to stop running from anything that scares me
presenting full time as a woman is horrifyingly scary, and beforehand i would look at that fear and come to the conclusion that it is never something i could do. but now i know i can, i just have to overcome it and the fear will go away
i'm feeling very hopeful about the future now. i think by the end of the year i'm going to be in a really good spot with all of this![bloomer bloomer](https://hexbear.net/pictrs/image/eace4b78-dc5f-403b-8b48-86e32f085d11.png)
This is wonderful to hear, I'm so glad you're finally seeing yourself as who you are. I'm very proud of you for overcoming that self-hatred since it can be so, so very difficult to do so. I hope your future will continue to get brighter and that you'll reach the happiness you want.
so so happy to hear that![cat-trans cat-trans](https://www.hexbear.net/pictrs/image/27c31b53-f2dc-45c4-b222-fb11bdcf9d91.png)
GOOD POST
more of above
Sounds like you've made huge progress and that the meds have been really good for you. Just realising things like that you're bad about self sabotaging is really good honestly, good realisations all around. You'll feel great when you work through that fear. Awesome to hear.
If I can pry a bit, have you been presenting femme at all and if yes has it gone well?
spoiler
i've been kind of presenting femme? i basically dress like the boymodder meme, woman's skinny jeans + massive oversized hoodie/sweater, but i do occasionally go out with painted nails and such. also everyone i know with the exception of my family calls me my preferred name and i'm out to everyone. i mostly just present androgynous with a feminine slant
it's gone mixed. some people gender me correctly, others don't
spoiler
Nice, can't lie the boymoder meme has some drip. Comfy uniform, skinny jeans are awesome imo. Grats on being out to everyone! I think if you're dressing andro-femme and getting gendered correctly some of the time, that's goin' well tbh.
Wish it were me