Inspired by this dorky exchange I had, thank u BountifulEggnog.
I want to know what your gender means to you, how you define it, what it means for you to "be" that gender and how you define it. Don't fuss about 'correct definitions' or anything, this is about your experience, I want to know what it means to you. How you relate to that gender, perceive it.
Genders have a social construction aspect and is very subjective, so I think people's subjective, personal views of their own are both important and interesting. Inquiring mind wants to know! 
I'll share some of mine I guess.
I was a trans woman until the contradictions sharpened to a razor's edge after reading Gender Outlaw and The Gender Accelerationist Manifesto. My brain got cracked in half. I have always hated the effects testosterone would have on my body, so estrogen was a given, but while I do identify with certain things that are commonly associated with being a woman... if nothing is inherently gendered, what even is a gender? 
I had a whole little episode about it in the megathread once.
As I went on from there, I realised that while I like certain things about "being a woman", equally I found I'd been sort of stifled by trying to fit into the social role. The women I have always related to most are the cis autistic women who basically yeet presentation in favour of dressing for sensory comfort. Almost kinda non binary, in a way... The more I interrogated binary gender in relation to myself, the more I dug up stuff like this. Also I didn't really like that "woman" is associated with cis people a lot, I really like the trans part of my identity, feel a lot of love for it. I've felt freer and mentally clearer and truer to myself as a Non Binary Transfem, it's cool and funny. What does it mean to me? It represents my goofy sometimes-androgynous presentation, my lack of cissie gender, how being neurodiverse influences my view, being a funny noody goblin. Share yours =)
Gender is estrogen to me and the more estrogen I have the more gendery I am
If my estrogen is off I pretty much go nuts. Vision gets blurry and I become very sensitive and irritable and prone to dysphoria
I've worn all sorts of clothes and stuff since transitioning, and I've found my comfort zone, but if my estrogen is off I feel like shit in anything
I'm the same way. But, Injections are the only methods that have worked for me. Unfortunately they make my estrogen levels look like Mavericks. (A beach with very large waves). I had to switch to taking the injections once every 3 days. When I did the injections once a week I had ~2 days that were ruined by having low E.
You could try doing pills or patches maybe to even the low out
Gel would probably work too, since you can adjust the dose somewhat. Absorption might be inconsistent, though, especially depending on which gel you use. (For the record, I had pretty good luck with the [anime meme homebrew] stuff.)
Pills didnt work for me. They produced a really high percentage of the weaker forms of estrogen. The moment I switched to injections my titties got sore and I started growing.
I tried patches and couldnt get my levels above 100. I wouldve needed to wear a comical amount of patches for it to work.
With injections 1/3 days, 2.5mg, my peaks are around 350 and my trough is above 100. I'd be happier with my peaks around 600 but my doctor is happier where they are now.
Taking injections so often is annoying but its the best option I've found.
I had to do the same thing switching to every 5 days injecting rather than every week. Those last two days were often terrible.
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This is real, and I sometimes have internal difficulty separating hormones from being an expression of gender, which leads to a bunch of stupid gaffes. Big estrogen...