Fanart is by Syurii22.
Toyosatomimi no Miko is a character in the Touhou Project series introduced in its 13th installment, Ten Desires.
Miko was once Prince Shoutoku, a Japanese leader in the 600s known for promoting Buddhism and streamlining the Japanese government. In the Touhou lore, she was visited by Taoist hermit Seiga Kaku, who had heard about Miko’s longing for immortality. Seiga introduced her to Taoism, but she rejected it as a religion unfit for placating an entire country. She was intrigued by its promise of immortality, however, and privately converted to it, advocating for Buddhism to keep Japan stable. After drinking an “immortality elixir” (mercury sulfide), however, she was forced to let go of her body and become a supernatural hermit like Seiga, notably taking on the form of a woman, making her a canonically trans character (
).
After convincing a hermit from a rival clan (Mononobe no Futo) to sleep without decaying, Miko followed in suit, waiting for a time where a Taoist Japan would revive her in search of guidance. However, Buddhist monks were able to keep her mausoleum sealed, and the legends surrounding her were slowly brushed off- which led to her transportation into Gensokyo, where the folklore of old is a reality of everyday life.
When she awoke in Gensokyo, it was right after Buddhist monk Byakuren Hijiri opened her own temple, however, leading to a surge of divine spirits across the realm, setting up the events of Ten Desires.
What look like headphones on her are canonically earmuffs- Shoutoku was allegedly able to discern between ten questions asked at once, an ability carried by Miko (although with her enhanced abilities, she can also analyze each person and determine their inner desires (thus the title of the game))- although it means her hearing is highly sensitive and has to be muffled to prevent pain.
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gender dysphoria, regret, self-harm
Saw the timeline of a trans woman my age that started HRT in early 2022. That could have been me, had I not wasted almost 1,5 years trying to get HRT through the gatekeeping healthcare system. I should have known better and just gotten started with DIY HRT right away. I could have been much further along with my transition by now. Maybe I would have gotten some hip growth as well, since I would have started before turning 25.
But no, I dumb me from the past chose to believe the people on r*ddit saying that DIY HRT is super risky and should only be used as a last resort. Now I hate myself and my body to the point of cutting.
I started in my mid 30s but glad I did. I had good results within a year.
I went the diy route while I waited on the gatekeepers because I didn't to wait any longer and in the end that system failed me all I got out of it was a script.
1.5 years is still a very short time so try not to be hard on yourself.
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Wish I could say the same. One year into hrt and I've gotten no real fat redistribution, no height loss, my hands look just as masculine as before, and no genital shrinkage either. I just look like a man with small boobs now, which is exactly what I feared would happen prior to getting on hrt.
Maybe some or all of this will change later on, but having to go another year or two like this is fucking awful, and adds to my feeling of regret at not having started sooner.
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I think you need to give ytourself trime it can take longer for some, I understand how hard it can be and I used to have regrets in starting when I did too. I knew from when I was a kid and took until my mid 30s. I felt a lot like how you do too. I fully understand how hard it is.
I had results within a year because of my genetic make up and naturally low T but I have still had growth almost a decade in. A year really isn't that long in the grand scheme, I know it can suck waiting but I genuinely think things will get better for you. I am not trying to be condescending when I talk, I feel it for you because you don't deserve to feel this bad.
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I doubt you lost much, I started at 17 and didn't get pelvic growth. I don't think it's worth beating yourself up over.
I also spent a year fucking around with gatekeeping, and honestly fuck reddit too. Bastard website. And fuck gatekeepers too for that matter.
But a year and a half doesn't really make much difference, this is why trans timelines are a brain worm. Would always be great to start earlier, but also like who cares. You aren't even old, but where does it end? Should I feel bad because I didn't start at 15? You're still transitioning, the difference between 25 and say 27 is not a lot. I don't think there's any reason to hate yourself over it.
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There's also the fact that now I have to transition while dealing with so much other shit that I didn't have to deal with back then. I've made things so much harder for myself. I can't forgive myself for that.
Feels like my life up until this point has just been a series of stupid mistakes, and now I'm finally seeing the consequences of those mistakes.
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Can I ask how you've "made it harder for yourself", aside from just taking longer? Which is the fault of reddit fucks and gatekeepers, not you.
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It's mainly that, but also wasting my savings on useless crap, not starting voice training or laser hair removal earlier and not taking the necessary steps to build a proper support network. I can't blame anyone else but myself for those things.
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I mean it sucks insofar as you don't have them done right now, but also it makes zero difference when you start these ones. Also building a support network is really hard, I don't really have one either.
I can relate to the savings waste though, I used to have a fair bit but it all bled out
so I can relate to how much that one sucks 