Xenia, the fox girl mascot of Linux, was first designed in 1996 by Alan Mackey. She was meant to be an alternative to Tux, the official mascot.
She had fallen into obscurity, but was noticed by a Twitter user in 2019 and was redrawn as a fox girl. But as it turned out, Xenia was originally meant to be male! The original creator, Alan, was cool with this, saying "It matches the transition of a lot of the smartest, nerdiest Linux users I know" and "And sure, you made her trans!".
So now we have a trans Linux mascot. And I think that's neat.
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family shit, mental health breakthrough/down, sui baiting, raging, extremely pitch black bile vomiting bitter lizard brain fight or flight rage
no I'm serious, this is the angriest and most hateful screaming into the void shit I've ever posted and you'll probably regret reading it
okay, last warning
finally snapped and fucking lost it at my piece of shit worthless disgusting scumbag dad after he got aggro at me about me going to recycle a years worth of inhaler boxes he had dumped everywhere on the floor of his disgusting shithole bathroom after I FUCKING CLEANED IT FOR HIM AT THE ONLY OPPORTUNITY I HAD TO WHEN HE LEFT HIS HOUSE TO BUY BOOZE (THE ONLY FUCKING REASON HE'LL PUT PANTS ON AND LEAVE THE HOUSE, BUT STILL REFUSES TO SHOWER FOR THREE FUCKING WEEKS) and I kinda blacked out from adrenaline and don't remember what I said verbatim, but it definitely involved telling him he's a disgusting decrepit braindead miserable piece of shit that's done nothing but unsuccessfully attempt to drink himself to death for 15 years, because he can't even do that right and just expects his family to put up with him, buy him more booze and take him to urgent care when he falls
Somehow managed to keep myself from getting physical with him other than spitting in his face and telling him everyone that's actually still in his life, ESPECIALLY him, would be immeasurably happier if he fucking killed himself and quit wasting everyone's fucking time making himself and everyone that has to actually interact with him sick
Stormed out and beat the absolute shit out of his barbecue with a baseball bat and I think I might have broken a bone in my hand and hacked the fuck out of a maple sapling out front with a machete
I'm really glad the neighbors weren't home
self harm
I'm gonna go buy a pack of smokes, chainsmoke until I'm sick, resist the urge to put them out on myself, then go to the gym and test one rep maxes before all the adrenaline wears out and I crash
:::
::: :::
(I think I'm on top of my own brain enough that I'm not in any danger to myself, this ain't my first rodeo.
and I've removed myself from anything that could escalate)
spoiler
Please do resist the urge.
alcohol/tobacco, relapse, dad shit, guns
Stole a bottle of his booze
Drank a bottle of red wine and like 4 shots last night
Bought smokes and have had 4 so far since last night, didn't put any of them out on myself
Disappointed in myself but hey, I'm going to the gym again? It's disappointing how much strength I've lost since I was going regularly and I don't really know what I'm doing other than going "uh sure, guess I'll do some of those" at different stations and then getting frustrated with how weak and achy I've gotten since 2020 but it's something
I think when he finally dies, I'm gonna treat myself to the stupid expensive .308 rifle I want and take the chair he spent a decade rotting away in watching TV out to a quarry and put a couple hundred bucks of ammo through it and burn it with a jerry can of gas when I'm done
It'd be the send off he deserves and a little catharsis