Children of Time is a 2015 science fiction novel by Adrian Tchaikovsky.

In the distant future, humanity seeks to create new habitats for itself on distant planets, terraforming them and seeding them with life. Dr. Avrana Kern is heading one such project, orbiting the tentatively named "Kern's World", where the plan is to release monkeys le-monke infected with a nanovirus that will accelerate their evolution. Through an act of sabotage from an anti-technology group that has also destroyed much of Earth, the monkeys are never released, and the virus instead infects a species of spider, Portia labiata. The book follows the evolution of the spiders and their eventual civilisation, as well as a remnant of humanity that fled to Kern's World hoping to find paradise.

also children of ruin and children of memory, the sequels, are really good

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  • Wendy_Pleakley [they/them, he/him]
    ·
    3 hours ago
    yapping about dysphoria, I don't actually know if this is coherent

    Shaving takes so much work. And as much as I guess it's for me, like, it bugs me that I've been prioritizing self-care, self-reflection, self-exploration essentially since COVID and it hasn't had the desired affect of me becoming more of someone that people naturally want to be friends with.

    I thought working on myself would demonstrate value or something, like my classmates at the time would see that and want to help. That's what I did for them, I would help if I thought someone needed it. Maybe I'm overthinking the concept of attracting or manifesting, or whatever. Like, I don't know if I understand what makes people want to stay in touch, I don't think that's an emotion that has been directed towards me. I don't know if I register socially, like I'm not viewed as someone who can be invited out for pizza, or texted,, or whatever.

    But I can put zero effort in, go a week without shaving, wear sweats. Or I can moisturize, style my hair, and pick out all kinds of jewelry. I feel as though I'm overlooked, regardless of how I try to present. I just keep wondering at what point I can have, point blank, the conversations I want to have.

    I often wish I were a woman, but I also don't think I know a goddamn thing about women, but ALSO know it's not great to be like "women are a separate category that confuses me" internally. So I somehow feel invalid no matter how I approach this.

    I think I'll feel this way until a member of the local LGBTQ+ community catches me in a big cartoonish net because I see no way to solve everything about myself on my own. I think I'm at the natural endpoint of being a man, lmao

    I feel like I'm caught in some sort of Ouroboros where my problems just keep feeding each other. I wish I could just like, see what happens in the minds of well adjusted people. I wish I could load a save where I already have someone who is gonna notice if I disappear or am not doing well.

    I truly feel like if I were able to explain the exact intricacies of what I'm discovering to be a Russian Nesting Doll of trauma to someone, that person would be compelled to help. I keep saying this, but please talk me down if I'm talking crazy. I want to be told that I'm an idiot if these things are stupid. To let me sit in the wrongness for this long is unfair.