I'm into a co-worker. Nothing indicates he's interested or even into guys, but I'm bad at reading social cues. He knows I'm not straight and we talk regularly at work.

It feels like it's obvious I like him, but again, social cues. I was thinking about saying something direct and just being honest, but I don't want to stress him out. I don't expect him to like me back, but that would be great.

I guess I'm asking how uncool is it to communicate that to someone at work?

Edit - I just wanted to say thanks and I hear what a lot of you are saying. I was under the assumption that being around someone you like and not telling them you like them is dishonest and unfair. It turns out I need to reevaluate some things about myself.

I need to be careful and I don't want to risk making work worse for me/alienate another person who's trying to work in peace.

I'm just glad I got to talk about the feeling somewhere shit once. Thanks again!

  • MF_COOM [he/him]
    ·
    6 months ago

    Telling someone they're attractive is kind of an awkward statement, you're just sort of putting that on them to have to deal with. If you think they're cute ask them to go for a drink after work - that gives them something to engage with and accept or decline.

    • RyanGosling [none/use name]
      ·
      6 months ago

      If you want to compliment their attractiveness, it’s usually safer to compliment their outfits or something that they put any effort and control in.

  • ElGosso [he/him]
    ·
    6 months ago

    Don't shit where you eat - if it doesn't work you can't walk away from the resulting mess without quitting your job.

    • GeorgeZBush [he/him]
      ·
      6 months ago

      THIS. Never date anyone at work. "Oh but I know someone who-" No. Stop.

      • cosecantphi [he/him]
        ·
        edit-2
        6 months ago

        This is very good advice, and that really sucks since for a lot of people work makes up a whole-ass third to over half of their waking hours while simultaneously cannibalizing most if not all remaining energy to socialize outside of work

        • GeorgeZBush [he/him]
          ·
          edit-2
          6 months ago

          I'm speaking from experience. I tried it once and it was just a humiliating nightmare. But it does suck as you said, because once you're out of school it's significantly harder to socialize and meet new people outside of work.

  • RION [she/her]
    ·
    6 months ago

    I definitely wouldn't do that at work, like in the location or context. Like others have said, try to engage him outside of work in a casual context and you can talk about it then

  • Frogmanfromlake [none/use name]
    ·
    6 months ago

    You're walking a fine line with straight men. They can either take it well or physically assault you for saying something like that. You know him better than I do and can probably tell by now if he's the type to react that way or not.

    Unless your aim is to ask him out or something, I'd say not to tell him. It just creates a weird relationship.

  • ComradeSharkfucker@lemmy.ml
    ·
    6 months ago

    Just candidly admitting you find someone attractive can be awkward for the recipient. Some people can take it in stride but it still feels a little strange regardless. Maybe invite him out for a drink or out somewhere people go for fun idk I don't go out much. Subtlety is your friend

  • Othello [comrade/them, love/loves]
    ·
    edit-2
    6 months ago

    ask if they are straight just say "what kinda person are you into" and if hes not specific say "i mean like guys, girls, ect". if you can make a joke about it do it like "guys, girls, giant blue alien yetis?". this is the most important step. and if they are interested in guys say either in the moments or a few days later if he would like to go on a date, you have to say the word date or else you may end up on an excruciatingly platonic outing. oh and if hes queer but in the closet i would run. dating a closet case will destroy you body and soul and reduce you to nothing, a shadow a secret, a memory of the person you once were.

  • D61 [any]
    ·
    6 months ago

    Work isn't neutral territory, its a place you have to be at so you can eat and the lights turn on in the house. Maybe don't spring this type of info on them at work.

    If there are places where co-workers mingle after work, that might be the place to start inquiring about their personal preferences (either from then or from other coworkers if everybody is chatting up everybody else).

    My knee jerk response is to agree with the "don't date coworkers unless you can afford it" but I also know that work pretty much eats up all of a person's social life these days.

    Edit - I just wanted to say thanks and I hear what a lot of you are saying. I was under the assumption that being around someone you like and not telling them you like them is dishonest and unfair. It turns out I need to reevaluate some things about myself.

    If it is affecting your ability to work with/near them, then yeah, maybe that could be the time to treat this like a band-aid and just rip it off to clear things up. But if everybody is being chill right now, mmaaayyybbeee error on the side of "taking it slow and feeling them out in less direct ways."

  • nickwitha_k (he/him)@lemmy.sdf.org
    ·
    edit-2
    6 months ago

    Don't date coworkers and if you do, don't initiate at work. There is too much potential to go badly. You're both there to put in hours to get by - if an advance is unwelcome, it can make things super awkward. Or, it could be worse.

    I need to be careful and I don't want to risk making work worse for me/alienate another person who's trying to work in peace.

    This. Wow. You absolutely get it. This is something that usually takes people a long time to learn in their youth - and some never do. You have correctly understood and succinctly communicated the problem at hand. Keep rockin.

  • wtypstanaccount04 [he/him]
    ·
    edit-2
    6 months ago

    Ask him to do something outside of work, and then talk there.

    I hate the whole "don't date coworkers" thing because it's really, really difficult to meet people outside of work. However, making friends and having relationships at work must be done with an amount of tact. Chat with him and if you're really hitting it off consistently then you're doing well. I made a crush-turned-friend this way.

  • soli@infosec.pub
    ·
    6 months ago

    File it in the back of your mind for later. You don't want to date coworkers, it's such a huge risk even before considering that he might be straight and react poorly. Be friends outside of work, get his contact info, maybe feel out his preferences a bit and then when one of you leaves the job you can broach it.

  • RyanGosling [none/use name]
    ·
    edit-2
    6 months ago

    It largely depends on your situation.

    If you’re literally sitting 3 feet away from each other every single day, maybe don’t say anything lol. At the very least, ask them out to lunch or something to get a sense of what they like (though don’t do it too often or else you’ll solidify yourself as just a friend).

    But if you’re coworkers as in he’s in the finance department and you’re in the legal department and you’re on the opposite floors, then it would be safer. If it doesn’t work out, then you likely will never have to see each other again. And if you do, you should both be mature enough to have moved on given sufficient time.

    Regardless, I wouldn’t do it physically at work. Maybe if you’re both chatting outside before heading home, it might be a good time. Or better yet do it on an off day instead of when it’s night outside and no one is around

  • GayTuckerCarlson [none/use name]
    ·
    edit-2
    6 months ago

    live-tucker-reaction

    I told Sean Hannity he was attractive once when I use to work at Fox. It was normal day as usual, Sean was highly lactose intolerant so I snuck creamer into coffee the day he was supposed to interview President Trump. I tied fishing rod string to the height level on his office chair, as his interview started I would gently pull the string and slightly lower him throughout the live interview. trump-anguish "you're getting small, Sean. Just like your ratings your shrinking". His face was redder than the color of that b***h on the Wendy's logo. She's so hot. I would fuck her. I would. I would let her peg me. Is that gay? I kind of hope it is in a weird way? Does that make sense?

    But yeah go ahead and hit on your coworker