(Note: I'm not suicidal, but the post deals with those themes.)
Everything just feels so fucked up and hopeless, with no end in sight.
That no matter what we do, neoliberal capitalism will dominate us all until the Earth is completely destroyed and/or the human race goes extinct.
I know that's what the people in charge want: For people to feel so overwhelmed and powerless that they either become apathetic/stop thinking about it for the sake of their sanity or kill themselves so that they won't become a problem later, but fuuuccckkk.
As an American, I feel like the whole country is in the same headspace. I can't tell if Trump is more Yeltsin or Napoleon III--both were clowns presiding over declining superpowers. At least Napoleon III was the harbinger for the Paris Commune--a cool thing that lasted for a few months before being annihilated. Yeltsin, on the other hand, was the harbinger for the worst decade in post-war Russian history, when a large fraction of the population succumbed to deaths of despair. The US has characteristics of both, with BLM and fleeting events like CHOP acting as sources of hope, and the indifference to the mass death of the opioid crisis and COVID-19 as soul-sucking sources of despair.
The only good news is that neoliberalism is dying. The bad news is that the left is poorly poised to replace it, and it seems to me that the US is headed for a Putin style oligarchy where capital has been ultra-concentrated, and the best we can hope for is a brief, scaled-up version of CHOP in the interim between now and then. Sad times, comrade, sad times.