I bought a switch because I wanted to fit in with everyone else and play party games with friends (fuck family). I played Mario party and I had a good time, it was fun and the RNG was great I had never in my life played a game where it didn’t matter how well you did it could all fuck up at the end which happened MULTIPLE times. I don’t know why I bought a switch because I realized later I could have just purchased the joy remotes for a disgusting 70 dollars but instead I went to my friends house like a fucking doofus showing up with a Nintendo switch under my arm and the device literally dropping onto the floor after it came loose from the dick. “You don’t need to use yours” my friend laughed “we just need one” are you fucking kidding me? “Then why the fuck did you tell me to get one?” Mood changed instantly, not my fault.

I wasn’t having fun at all, I was just thinking “I spent 300 dollars on this piece of shit, that’s 4 grocery shopping days, that’s more clothes, that’s this that whatever anything but this piece of filth Nintendo switch you fucking losers go soy over. So every time it’s my turn I angrily play and I make sure people know I’m angry, it got to a point I rolled so poorly I threw my joycon and left the couch, everyone went quiet but I didn’t give a fuck. One of my friends who has a romantic interest in me (not reciprocated) started rubbing me on my back, “bad day?” They said and I just felt even more angry but this time the anger was directed towards them. “I know you like me but I don’t like you” I said, they cried, left, don’t care, I spent 300 dollars on a piece of shit I’m never going to use.

None of my friends know how to navigate around me so it always feels like they’re hostages trying to ease their way out of the situation where they have a gun pointed at them, it’s pretty selfish of them considering I was the hostage and they were the shooters shooting me with “buy switch” or “Zelda is a good game it’s just like dark souls” or “get one it’ll improve your mood” has it fucking really? Has it improved my mood? What would improve my mood would be if someone paid me 300 dollars to piss shit and set the switch on fire and then throw it at someone playing happily’s head, that would improve my mood. Instead I have to use my adult fingers to navigate around a tiny ass “controller” it’s a fucking joke, just to have fun… your idea of “fun.”

I get Zelda because if it wasn’t clear already I am a dickhead, “it’s like dark souls” that one prick told me, wrong, nothing like dark souls why did I listen to this prick? My life is like dark souls because I have people laughing and lying at me, I’m always losing my SOULS because some MERCHANT “”friends”” tells me to buy this item because it will improve my VITALITY what a load of bullshit. Zelda sucks it looks like a unity project some kid made on the school computers, the story is literally “we repackaged the first game and sold it to you again because you are a loser and keep paying us money.” Tale as old as time for all Nintendo games tbh, smash, Metroid, Mario, Mario kart, sonic, Zelda, insufferable pokemon. I see a lot of people on hexbear talk shit about funko pops as they should, but the moment you condemn pokemon they go off on you like you killed their family. What the fuck, really?

I’ll give it away