Rant incoming(CW: Internalized homophobia, islamophobia, mental health)
cw
I'm back in university and I feel even more socially numb than ever. I have a lot of intrusive thoughts about mental health and shit. I'm never going to open up about it all to any counselers because my parents drilled into me not to talk to any mental health ppl or doctors or else they'll "lock me up" again and throw away the key while they'll have to pay and suffer (I was hospitalized once in HS due to similar feelings). It surfaced when one of my profs was like "you should talk to someone if you feel anxious" during their syllabus lecture and I just felt like complete shit.
I've never seen any other ppl in my family actually deal with their mental health in the ways that I read about. It's more respected in muslim families to shut up and keep all the emotional shit within the family and within yourself than it is to do therapy. I used to do therapy (weekly 1 hr sesh) but all my relatives would give me shit for it so I stopped.
Idk i think most of this is just I can't even envision a life as a happy queer south asian man without feeling like im a pervert violating male bodies (go figure). Like i literally look at my skin color and do a inner racism. Instead of admitting this to anyone I'll just scroll on this stupid ass site and stress read theory and pretend im more clever than all those mental health professionals. Im also a spanish major which is just ripe for major imposter syndrome as I take classes with people who are about to graduate and I feel constantly inadequete with my abilities.
It sucks literally not being able to articulate my queerness inside and outside of my family. I hold so many reactionary brainworms about mental health even though I should be a "progressive"
I could find clubs which is probably the best thing I could do for myself. Yeah I'll leave it at that.
Being queer and brown is the worst shit ever
Winter is fun, it actually isn't as cold right now as it used to be back in the fall. I still hate walking in snow because half the time it's actually ice and you're now about to fall.
I'm trying to do meet-ups through meetup.com and stuff.
Are there any other way to find clubs and meet-ups IRL?
Oh nice, thanks for the suggestions.
I'm looking for board games and TTRPGs.
Book clubs too.
Video game groups too.
Still waiting for your response to the above. @Othello@hexbear.net
I could really use some advice here.
Luckily, I got my Facebook account back and I've been using my Instagram a lot more lately so that should work.
Thanks!
So I'm not poc but I search the site for game stuff (
) and I strongly recommend Pathfinder 2e. It is way more queer and leftist than other ttrpgs and the source material has amazing queer and poc rep. They just released an adventure path set in fantasy China and includes Chinese mythological creatures and is written in a traditional Chinese play's style in four acts. Whole book was written only by Chinese creators, most of whom were in China proper. Plus it's the only unionized ttrpg.I learn so much shit from their mythology stuff, it's so cool. Strength of Thousands is basically Hogwarts in fantasy Timbuktu without racism and transphobia attachments and similarly included African creators and folk tales. Their next book (war of the immortals) will be exploring Polynesian and Native American oral tradition and mythical creatures, and that's being spearheaded by one of the directors at paizo who is an indigenous Alaskan two spirit person iirc.
Oh and there is a fantasy Africa god whose edicts include violently killing settlers and her sacred animal is a panther. And there is a god of communism (Milani)
Ok nerd talk over I'll stfu now
Sounds nice! I've played both Pathfinder video games by Owlcat Games. Pathfinder: Wrath of the Righteous is my favorite CRPG ever on top of it all. I really should play Pathfinder 2e, but I don't know who to play it with. Is the community surrounding the TTRPG any good? Hopefully, most of the fans are at least alright.
"Plus it's the only unionized ttrpg."
I was aware of this, at the very least. I kept up with news surrounding it. I've kept up with much of the labor movement since 2020 (when it really kicked into high gear). I really should get the books right now to support them.
"To their white surprise" is a wonderful phrase And it's nice to have a widely publicised work that doesn't coddle white people. I don't agree with the conclusions of the book, and I think it paints racial and ethnic issues with too broad a brush in many ways. But overall its a book that's very necessary for The Discourse
Only if you want to. It's not that big of a book, though, but don't force yourself.
I don't like Settlers, even though I'm BIPOC.
I finished it, but it's not that good of a book and it misquotes Marx and Engels.
Putting in a request for a vacation for sometime in February. Not sure if I'm actually going to go anywhere since my dad is still feeling a bit weak from his hospital visit and I've been helping out at home along with my mom and brother. I kind of don't really want to do another staycation though. The last time I traveled was 2018... fuck. Its nearly been 6 years
Recently talked to one of my friends from my old job. It's been a few months, but he hit me up on discord. Went out and got a mic since he prefers voice chat, but I still haven't gotten around to talking to him again.
I've always had that problem too. I tried working on it last year with some success, but that idea that people would be annoyed at me for reaching out to them is still present
I was talking to another person who is POC and is really terrified of Gov. Abbot in Texas and him using the "nullification" excuse (pre-Civil War rhetoric) in order to continue to do whatever he wants and oppress other POC all the while.
I told them that I'm Latino and I can relate and then realized that there are probably a lot of Latino/a people suffering in places like San Antonio, where they logically should be the majority (and increasingly making up the gamut of the state of Texas) but, through the curtailing of voting rights, gerry-mandering, policing, etc. aren't really represented in the state. Frankly, where I live, I probably got it a lot easier than a lot of other people like me.
White supremacy must be dismantled; "white democracy" just isn't democracy.
And I think this is the reason why dictatorship, in the more older definition of Marx's time, makes sense to describe it...
We live under a dictatorship of the white-settler capital, mainly represented by United States...
Plus, always remember:
the term "democracy" was used to self-describe Athen's city-state system, despite having:
I don't remember the context exactly but I was having a discussion with a Portuguese acquaintance about ethnicity and I kind of implied that we were both in the "POC" category. I was wrong, in hindsight, because it turns out Portuguese people are considered white, but christ, I've never seen someone be so quick to turn around and say "well, I'm white, actually," as if being casually lumped together with a non-mayo was so offensive. Sometimes you accidentally catch a glimmer of what people really think and it sticks with you.
I've seen Spaniards who are quick to hop on the "I'm a POC" bullshit. Didn't think the Portuguese would be so aversive to it.
Yeah, I was surprised too but I also don't want to make excuses for being ignorant about the differences in cultures, which is what led me to make the comment in the first place. But I Googled it after and apparently it is something a lot of people confuse and get wrong. Maybe that was why he reacted that way and I'm being too quick to condemn, but you know, sometimes you can just tell.
I find that people who say fitness culture is inherently reactionary have spent most of their time working out in gyms within majority-white communities.
who even says this
half the athletes in the US are Black
US leftists do. I've had Anarchists say this to my face. Funniest shit ever.
My potluck dish was close to a disaster. I bought jerk tofu and it dried out by lunch. Looked like crap but it still tasted good.
I didn't even know they had beef. Without knowing anything else about it, I immediately side with Megan.
I want winter to stay because cold for us is 69 (nice) degrees Fahrenheit. The summers are always awful.
Shoot to kill, the kkkrakka...
- "Kill the kkkrakkka", Julius Malema
Yeah fuck winter. Slowly getting warmer again. Got a new track suit I want to wear next week.
Nah, I don't want winter to end so quickly... It's been only one month of 🌨️ hell and one month of edging (edit: towards snowy dats), pls, another month of snow to go down...
Read this right now:
Hyper-Imperialism: A Dangerous Decadent New Stage
https://thetricontinental.org/studies-on-contemporary-dilemmas-4-hyper-imperialism/
