got a crush on someone in a different country like a complete dumbass and idk what to do about it now

  • hogposting [he/him,comrade/them]
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    4 years ago
    1. Do the two of you have some sort of plausible plan to live in the same city in the next few years?
    2. Do you have the ability/willingness to travel frequently to meet each other until (1) happens?

    If you don't have a pretty strong "yes" to both, I'd say don't do it. You can make it work without one or both of those things, but the odds are heavily against it, and giving up on real, in-person human connection for Zoom calls is unfulfilling and frustrating.

  • crime [she/her, any]
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    4 years ago

    take this with a grain of salt because I'm a lesbian so LDRs are my bread and butter, but IMO they're definitely doable as long as you've got good communication, patience, and a plan

  • Coolkidbozzy [he/him]
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    4 years ago

    You have to have a solid amount of commitment but I can confirm long distance is doable

  • sexywheat [none/use name]
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    4 years ago

    It's very doable but it can be a real pain in the dick sometimes. I'm a Canadian engaged to a Yankee and I haven't been able to see her for months because of Rona. We used to fly to see each other like once a month. But fuck it, go for it. Just be prepared to spend an inordinate amount of time on Skype calls. People that do well in long distance relationships tend to be independent, self-sufficient people.

    You will want to communicate what your long term plan is. At some point someone's gotta move to the other person's country, so be sure to discuss that early on in your relationship.

    Pro tip: You can watch movies/tv together on Skype (3...2...1...press play!), as well as cook dinner together (buy the same groceries for the same meal etc) and also read theory together if you're not libs loooool

    Good luck <3

    • Gimasag [he/him]
      ·
      4 years ago

      About the watching stuff together online thing, I highly recommend a program called Syncplay--it's basically an add-on to VLC where you can create "rooms" and watch video files or Youtube videos together in sync. If someone pauses or fast forwards it'll do the same for everyone in the room, so you're always watching at the same place.

      • sexywheat [none/use name]
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        4 years ago

        that sounds fucking rad thank you. I've tried similar things but always had such soul crushing lag that it didn't work (like zoom screen share or whatever)

  • AsleepInspector
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    4 years ago

    I had a dad-friend twice my age. He said, "out of state, don't date."

    I was in a LDR for 3+ years. Met twice. Infidelity is usually a constant fear, despite whatever trust's been built, in my experience. Lacking physicality, not bring able to normally introduce them to friend and relatives is awkward. I would recommend against it if you reasonably can.

    • sexywheat [none/use name]
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      4 years ago

      Infidelity is usually a constant fear

      Well tooo beee faaaaair that is possible in every relationship. If you trust and love your partner then a LDR is not any different than a "normal" relationship in this regard. I'm on skype with my fiance almost 24/7 so I don't know when she would even have the opportunity to cheat even if she wanted to.

  • 0xACAB [she/her]
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    4 years ago

    my long distance relationship has cost me like $20k in bullshit costs so consider that tbh

  • qublic69 [none/use name]
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    edit-2
    4 years ago

    the key to a long distance relationship is masochism (or self-loathing, or a cold distant relationship towards your mother so you don't know any better)
    close that distance once in a while or you're just gonna have a bad time.

  • h00rayforstuff [he/him]
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    4 years ago

    Normally yes but I low key wish I actually married the Dutch girl I dated for a few years after college because being able to easily bounce right now sure would be nice!

  • Crispo [they/them]
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    4 years ago

    I had a long term established relationship that went long distance for about two years. It was extremely difficult even though we had already been together for a considerable amount of time.

    So it’s possible, but don’t do it if you have literally any other choice.