Last night she was coughing in a manner my asleep brain read as "gross", so unconsciously noped the fuck out of there and slept on the sofa. I can't believe my non-awake brain got it.
She tested positive a few hours ago, so now I just have 7 days to worry. I probably have it, I feel a bit off already.
I know that it's more than most people, but she was wearing low quality masks, going to a non-safe dentist at peak times, and avoiding the booster. I've been nicely pushing her for years, and she brings this shit home. She's also sorry, and I say it's fine because I want her to feel better and recover, but secretly I'm fucking raging.
Sorry to rant. Better on Hexbear than out loud.
Individual responsibility is not how virus transmission during a global pandemic works. If you live in
you are in the middle of the second-highest spike in COVID transmission ever. Everybody is getting this shit. She literally cannot wear a mask while having her mouth worked on, and the intersection of dentists who take your insurance, follow your personal COVID rules exactly, and have an appointment when you need it is vanishingly small. Be mad at Fauci, Trump, Biden, Pfizer, and your workplaces, not your girlfriend.Frustration and aggravation are totally normal and acceptable, and it's good and respectful to your partner to vent here to us instead of to her directly. But I really don't think you have much of a leg to stand on for sustained indignation. You are one, possibly two, in a wave of millions of cases. This is just what's happening. Chances are you will both be OK.
Rooting for the both of you.
I agree but also OP’s anger is valid, even if it’s not like the most utilitarianistically efficient distribution of anger or whatever
Whether it's valid or not, the anger is happening, which is good to recognize and validate. But I think it's a worthwhile exercise to explore the root of that anger and the response to it.
I don't think it's rational to be angry at one's partner for getting sick during an enormous surge of an incredibly contagious disease even while taking more precautionary measures against getting sick than maybe 95% of the population.
I am also willing to bet that she knows full well that the OP has been nudging her about COVID stuff beyond what she's already been doing (which already sounds cautious), and feels guilty about it. This probably goes on top of the guilt and shame of potentially exposing your loved one to a serious and highly communicable disease.
I think the person in the situation who needs compassion and care is the person who currently definitely has COVID. For the OP, it's reasonable to be afraid of getting sick and for that fear to manifest as anger. But I do not think it is fair to guilt or shame one's partner as a vector of disease when she probably already physically, mentally, and emotionally feels like shit.
It sounds like the OP agrees with this by saying "Better on Hexbear than out loud," which I 100% agree with. But if OP was my friend telling me this over the phone, this is what I'd tell him, not to shame him for feeling anger, but to help identify its source as fear for his and his partner's wellbeing and handle it in a healthy and functional way that supports his partner in her time of need.
OP we are here for you to help u be there for her
I agree with this, yeah.
Edit: Covid tips has a whole section about how hard it is to fully internalize the scale of Covid and how to be patient with people who can’t yet, even though it’s really annoying and difficult to be that patient
taking considerable precautions
wearing low quality masks, going to a non-safe dentist at peak times, and avoiding the booster
hello??? this is not what "considerable precautions" look like. it's totally valid to be mad at your partner for not taking covid as seriously as they should
If it's been 4 years and this is the first time they've caught it, they've been taking it more seriously than 99.99% of people. He's lucky to have a girlfriend who's still aware that covid even exists.
He's lucky to have a girlfriend who's still aware that covid even exists.
Sure, and it's also reasonable to be upset that they won't wear proper n95s and are setting non-emergency dental appointments during expected covid peaks instead of lulls. It's especially reasonable to be upset that they won't get a booster that lowers the likelihood they'll become infectious
If it's been 4 years and this is the first time they've caught it
i know an idiot who licks doorknobs and has caught covid 5 times. OP is doing incredibly well here
If you "rarely wear a mask", you really shouldn't be out here whinging. My partner got it from someone like you. Why are you even in this comm??
This. The liberalism in this thread is astounding. When did hexbear get so OK with willingly being a disease vector and putting high-risk people's lives at stake just because the status quo says it's cool now?
Edit: "So many people think it's fake or no big deal." And they're fucking idiots and/or evil. So therefore it's ok to behave like them, shrug it off, and contribute to the problem? Fucking disgusting. tropicalislandvisiter, you should be ashamed of yourself. ButtBidet, you absolutely should not. You are 100% correct for being angry at anyone, partner or otherwise, who doesn't take covid and the very real, severe consequences of getting it and spreading it seriously.
i'm not trying to be especially harsh here, but why are you telling me this?
coward. you are the type of person to nervously look around when smoke enters the room but not leave unless others leave first.
And he thinks she caught it at the dentist? She was receiving medical treatment, not out partying.
Exactly, if you don't party, you just don't get sick. idk why scrubs don't use this code.
yeah and???
this person made a vent post, specifically they aren't even mentioning this to their partner, so exactly what the fuck is the issue here????
Mod, give me back my post or I will make you the Omelas child in our future society.
Your brand of socialism looks a lot like eugenics when immune compromised people aren't allowed to live in society because YOU want to be selfish AND MORALIZE IT
and you are "fucking raging" at her
"secretly" you fucking nerd. "and I say it's fine because I want her to feel better and recover, but secretly I'm fucking raging". It's a vent post you absolute knob. None of this way expressed to her. You deliberately misread what I wrote cuz you're a fucking liberal.
the partner didn't get a booster and was slacking on other preventative measures lol. definitely legitimate to feel betrayed. where's OP's empathy and compassion? where the fuck was OP's partner's empathy and compassion for the people she spread a disease to?
slacking on other preventative measures
How many people in your area are still even masking? I'm one of probably 5% in my area, so she's going beyond the average. Could she have done more? Sure, but then so could everyone not wearing an NBC suit.
yeah but measuring by what other dipshits are doing is the wrong way to go about it. there's an acceptable level of precaution you can take and she didn't bother. it doesn't matter if everyone around her is a plague rat, there's no excuse to join them
there's an acceptable level of precaution
Yeah, which is always defined in a post-hoc manner in the negative, because eventually almost everyone is going to catch this thing, regardless of their precautions.
I caught it when one of the KN95's I was wearing turned out to be a counterfeit. If someone came at me for not checking serial numbers and stitching like it's some sort of Beanie Baby, I'd write them off. Was my level of precaution "acceptable"? I don't know, that doesn't mean anything. Was it effective? No.
I caught it when one of the KN95's I was wearing turned out to be a counterfeit.
i'm sorry that happened to you. you're talking about a totally different situation than OP is though.
wearing low quality masks, going to a non-safe dentist at peak times, and avoiding the booster
is a series of intentional choices. you were the victim of an outside actor. the result is ultimately the same but OP's partner could change their behavior and lower the risk for both of them. you could not have reasonably done much of anything in your situation.
is a series of intentional choices. you were the victim of an outside actor
I was the victim of my own lack of due diligence. The CDC had information on their website about checking for counterfeits and I didn't pay it sufficient mind until it was time to pay the piper.
Was it reasonable for me to have to do that? I don't know, 'reasonable' is defined socially, and at the moment, the vast majority of the population considers mask wearing unreasonable, so I don't know what good 'reasonable' is supposed to do us here.
Everyone can always do more, but the reality of the situation is largely out of our hands, anyone still going out is only going to be able to shift the probabilities in their favor, but not control the outcomes, so anytime a breakthrough infection occurs despite n precautions, I don't find much value in anger at the fact that n+1 precautions weren't taken.
I'd understand the OP's anger more if there were some sort of betrayal, where she promised him to take more precautions and then reneged on them, but in reality, she took the precautions she was comfortable with, and despite wishing she'd take more, he took the precautions he was comfortable with, which involved close contact with someone taking fewer precautions. The law of large numbers did the rest.
the vast majority of the population considers mask wearing unreasonable
Since when did we distinguish between reasonable and unreasonable by what the majority of liberals in the west think?
I don't find much value in anger at the fact that n+1 precautions weren't taken.
You don't see value in reducing viral load and thereby reducing the expected severity of the infection, even in a post-hoc sense where you're already infected?
there were some sort of betrayal, where she promised him to take more precautions and then reneged on them, but in reality, she took the precautions she was comfortable with, and despite wishing she'd take more, he took the precautions he was comfortable with, which involved close contact with someone taking fewer precautions
people in relationships are atomic and it's never acceptable to be upset with one's partner for prioritizing fleeting sensory pleasure over the health of everybody in the relationship
yeah but measuring by what other dipshits are doing is the wrong way to go about it
Kind of but not really, because the more people don’t do the right thing here the harder it is to do the right thing. After a certain point you’re basically expecting people to commit full martyrdom just to be moral people
After a certain point you’re basically expecting people to commit full martyrdom just to be moral people
My point isn’t that that isn’t a fair opinion of morality, but that then expecting people to be moral is unrealistic. So you kind of end up having to dilute your own application of morality to even apply that, lest you end up just treating everyone around you as monsters or lesser (not to mention the self-hate that will occur when you inevitably fuck up!).
So if you do hold that position, it also has to be tempered with an approach that no one is morally perfect, or you’ll end up going insane
Edit: The only problem with treating everyone around you as lesser is it makes you bitter as shit and… doesn’t do anything. People don’t listen to the person constantly calling them shit people no matter how correct they are.
That's the point of holding an ideology. An ideology is your line in the sand to measure your progress and setbacks, a way to ensure stability in your actions and thought processes. Every so called "leftist" on this site who isn't masking just followed in the path of liberals they were mocking months earlier. You think that's going to lead anywhere good?
This was a vent post by a comrade dealing with some shit in one of the few safe places those of us who are still coviding can come to escape a world (often including our family and friends) that has largely informed us that our lives are trivial and expendable. If somebody needs to come here and be angry or call people 'plague rats' (which, even if it's impolite and dehumanizing, is what they are being) so they can deal with their life, this should be the place they can come do that without getting tone policed.
Seatbelts don't stop people from being crippled in auto accidents.
Jackets don't prevent hypothermia.
Taking birth control doesn't stop pregnancy.
Sorry you don't like my analogies based on words you put in quotes that I never said
sorry people are arguing if you're allowed to feel this way in your vent post about how you feel
For what it's worth, I get it. When my partner started to feel a headache she tested immediately and opted to sleep on the sofa herself with a N95. And I did not catch it thanks to this. And when I got it months later I immediately did the same. I would be pissed too.
It's easy enough to understand your partner's attitude given basically close to absolutely everyone doesn't seem to even pretend there is a still-mutating virus with many unknowns going around though, sadly. Which is infuriating.
I think it’s okay to be upset initially, but you shouldn’t blame your partner.
It’s been 4 years and you didn’t get it until now, that’s much much longer than the majority of people. Even wearing high quality masks and getting boosters and being careful my wife caught it.
You can do everything right, but it’s a game of probabilities. 99% effective procedures over a long enough period will still fail.
It’s more mild now than ever, it spreads easier now than ever, and it sounds like you’ve been getting your boosters so you’ve probably got decent immunity.
If you’re already feeling gross then you probably got it around the same time as her and your body just has a different time to showing symptoms than hers. Or it could be psychosomatic and you’re so worried about symptoms that you’re convincing yourself you have them.
And even though she has it, there’s still a chance you can mask indoors and keep separate and not get it.
It’s more mild now than ever
This is actually not true, the most recent variants are akin to the one from 2020
this is true, pirola is more severe than omicron
https://fortune.com/well/2024/01/08/covid-omicron-variants-pirola-ba286-jn1-more-severe-disease-lung-gi-tract-symptoms/
Highly mutated COVID variant BA.2.86—close ancestor of globally dominant “Pirola” JN.1—may lead to more severe disease than other Omicron variants, according to two new studies published Monday in the journal Cell.
In one study, researchers from Ohio State University performed a variety of experiments using a BA.2.86 pseudovirus—a lab-created version that isn’t infectious. They found that BA.2.86 can fuse to human cells more efficiently and infect cells that line the lower lung—traits that may make it more similar to initial, pre-Omicron strains that were more deadly.
In the other study, researchers in Germany and France came to the same conclusion. “BA.2.86 has regained a trait characteristic of early SARS-CoV-2 lineages: robust lung cell entry,” the authors wrote. The variant “might constitute an elevated health threat as compared to previous Omicron sublineages,” they added.
You can vent here all you want. It's fine.
And yeah, I'm annoyed that my own family doesn't really take it seriously.
I'm probably getting what I think may be my sixth booster shot next month.
Does she get to be pissed off at you if you bring it home next time? It's your partner, shit happens, suck it up and go make her a honey lemon tea or something.
OP wasn't upset that they went to a dentist. From the post:
, going to a non-safe dentist at peak times,
You can find COVID-conscious dentists to go to, who wear N-95s + face shields, require that patients in the waiting room wear masks, and run air purifiers that use HEPA filters. Some (incomplete) sites that track information like this:
- https://covidsafeproviders.com/category/covid-safe-dental-dentists/
- https://www.covidsafedentists.ca/
- https://www.covidmeetups.com/en/directory/dentists/US
at peak times
If a COVID-safe dentist is not an option, they could have gone to their dentist at a lower-risk time, like first thing in the morning.
blaming her for going to a popular dentist
@ButtBidet@hexbear.net you stand accused of being a dental elitist, cruelly judging those who frequent popular dentists. How do you plead?Obviously the problem isn't the popularity of the dentist, the problem is the dentist not having any precautions in place and the appointment being in the middle of a large wave of infections.
What about this is funny? She could have done the responsible thing and acted with greater caution. It is completely reasonable to be upset about one's partner not doing these extremely easy precautionary measures.
As others have said, you're probably misdirecting some amount of anger onto her than against society but we don't know all the details so it's hard to know how much she cares about you, society, etc. I'm guessing low-quality masks means surgical masks or cloth masks because she complains about N95s being uncomfortable or something.
I'm also assuming you're wondering how much of her taking COVID seriously at all is just because of you. So I don't know, it's a bad situation for everyone. COVID definitely exposed how fucking stupid most westoids are and I already didn't like people so I'm keen to cut people out and write them off. You'll probably be better gently telling her (or reiterating) how you feel about COVID and stuff if you want to continue being around her.
because she complains about N95s being uncomfortable or something.
N95s aren't just uncomfortable, they are very painful and borderline impossible to wear if you have glasses.
they are very painful and borderline impossible to wear if you have glasses.
Which n95s are you trying and where are your straps located on your head? I use the 3m auras with glasses routinely and they cause me no pain, and only extremely minor discomfort
- Show
This is what I'm using as an N95
Yours looks similar to the KN95s I've used, but I guess it's better somehow. I actually prefer my rigid N95 because it feels like it keeps more particulate out, but I need my glasses to see and I don't wear contacts. I've been infected through a KN95 before
IIRC N95s shaped like the Aura fit a larger variety of faces than rigid cup shaped ones like the one you posted. They're also usually more comfortable. It might be worth it for you to try some other respirators if the ones you have are painful in some situations.
Aaron Collins (known as the mask nerd) is a great resource for in depth information on masks if you want to know more.
Thanks, I'll check him out
I'll give your type of N95 a try. I just love the rigid one because it feels so protectedIt also depends a lot on the shape and size of your face and head, so what works best for me might not work so well for you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRCZ8Qnf0Z0
If you want to be more certain of the fit of your respirator, this video outlines in detail how to do a fit test using a solution made from commonly available saccharin sweeteners (make sure you use saccharin and not a different artificial sweetener, bitter fit testing solution can also easily be purchased online as an alternative).
The process itself isn't too difficult, and the required equipment (a device to aerosolize the solution and a hood to concentrate it in the air around your head) is easy to find and inexpensive.
Open the windows at least a crack, turn on a fan and an air purifier, set the humidity to 40%, and have her isolate in a bedroom. Viral load is a big deal.
You've posted about you've been extra careful partly for her sake, because you love her so much. Beyond that... go go gadget teacher's immune system?!?
Very telling that most of the people bashing OP are new here and probably aren’t aware of c/covid and the culture this site has about taking COVID seriously. OP’s one hundred percent justified, people bashing him are cowards.
I see the other responses that you shouldn't be too angry at your partner and i think I mostly agree with that, but I also feel where you're coming from.
to my knowledge, I've had covid only once. it was November 2020, and I got it from my at-the-time partner who was working at a place ran by a conspiracy theorist who believed in ancient giants and didn't believe in covid, so they didn't wear masks in the workplace. my partner started feeling off and went and got tested. it was positive. my partner told their boss who replied "oh, those are actually the same symptoms I've been having lately!"
we did our best to isolate them in the small place we lived but I still ended up testing positive a few days later :/
Ive had covid once as well. I got it from my chud father. We went on a road trip to my uncles birthday. He started feeling sick when we arrived and refused to mask, barely distracted. He got me and 5 other people sick including my 80 year old uncle. At this point we both had covid and had to drive home. My partner drove, we had masks on my father refused. We made a rest stop and my father went inside without a mask. I snapped, he ended up ditching us on the side of the road in another state. Driving off with a mask on. We rented a car.
Putting another mark on the tally board for how many times I’ve resisted suggesting adventurism against someone’s boss
Start boosting your fluids and make sure you're getting your electrolytes. If coughing irritates the throat make some honey lemon tea. If you start sweating from a fever lay down on a towel and change it out when it gets wet - dont let cold wet blankets make you feel worse. Sipping warm broth is a nice savory alternative to sweet drinks to stay hydrated and put something warm and soothing in your stomach. If coughing causes muscle discomfort in your chest do some slow breathing exercises and stretches to keep your muscles limber and relaxed. You might find pairing that with a hot water bottle or heating pad to be even more effective. Best of luck. And hey, venting is okay, it's a good way to get out some of the bad vibes, mental health is good for your physical recovery too.
Anger is a valid response.
Good luck, hopefully you noped out fast enough.Not gonna lie, if it was me I would be proper pissed off. Especially when you've been warning her for years
what a garbage fucking thread. OP makes a vent post and then random idiots march in to scold OP for venting about his real feelings and to minimize COVID.
I stopped caring
