This might be too specific, but I'm 25 and just moved to a new city, reconnected with a few old friends, and it is extremely awkward being around them as a "fifth wheel" (they both have long-term gfs) and it feels like I'm just killing the vibe of the double dates as a single man
Anyone else ever find themselves in a similar situation? It sucks
Imo, you're really just kinda boned if you have no way to establish a sense of community later in life (in the United States at least). I lost my religious faith in high school and really wish I wouldn't have.
Dawg I only know 1 person who's still dating someone from highschool, at 25 you're only 2 years removed from University but as time goes on you'll see those relationships drop too. So don't feel like those are the only places you can meet your partner.
Meeting people after University/College does suck though as everyone is so disconnected we only ever really talk to people at work regularly
Meeting people after University/College does suck though as everyone is so disconnected we only ever really talk to people at work regularly
Exactly. And I am considering quitting my corporate cubicle 9-5 because I have established better relationships in the past at minimum wage jobs. But that's an extremely difficult decision considering the price of housing and necessities and taking into account the fact that the minimum wage is still a poverty wage (15/hr isn't nearly enough I'm sorry)
I can try, though we're mostly remote right now so it's a bit difficult
and tbf, most of them absolutely love Marvel and I just can't get into it. I say that because it's usually all they talk about 💀
Yeah I feel you making friends at a remote desk job seems impossible. I also dislike Marvel. Maybe join an adult sports team? If you're in a bigger city could do a reading group or a DSA.
If you’re in a bigger city could do a reading group or a DSA
do all orgs have reading groups? I have considered joining solely for a reading group cuz I find reading theory alone makes me feel fokken' suicidal
at least in person you can build a Jenga Tower of Communism :lt-dbyf-dubois:
Yeah I was in a pedagogy of the oppressed reading group at mine. Any DSA chapter of any size should always have a reading group going.
Yeah I think having reading groups is common. Universitys do too if you have one around you. You could also just join regular reading groups for novels and what not. Still a good way to meet people.
First of all if they didn't want to hang out with you they wouldn't so I imagine they definitely like having you around.
Second double dates are just as awkward as being a third wheel in my experience. Maybe I'm just awkward idk?
Third i know like 1 person who's still with their high school partner everyone else i know broke up not long after leaving high school. My high school relationship lasted all of a few weeks after leaving school haha.
I was in a similar position to you. The only way i got out of that negative way of thinking was trying online dating, realising i absolutely hated dating and would rather just do my own thing and enjoying doing my own stuff again. Then ironically finding a boyfriend who was literally right under my nose like a few weeks later lol.
All i can say is please dont waste your younger years worrying about this stuff and letting it get you down. I know its easier said than done but i wasted what 7+ years being chronically miserable about it and looking back i really should have spent that time enjoying myself a lot more.
I'll try to keep it short. But yeah, I was in that position. When I was 26, a friend convinced me to try online dating. I went on a few dates, got my confidence back up, and then met the love of my life. Now I'm happily married.
I guess you need pictures of yourself to do online dating though :sadness-abysmal:
You're doing your cubicle job for the money. Take advantage of that. Get a facial, a nice haircut, some stylish clothes, a manicure. I don't think most men realize how desperate straight women are for men who will treat them well and take care of themselves.
Taking the subway made me way less insecure because I saw couples together that made me realize that there is someone for everyone.
Love creates beauty, just do whatever it takes to find someone you connect with and do what you can to make it work :cat-trans:
Sure interpret what I said in the dumbest way you can :shrug-outta-hecks:
Being genuinely nice and caring is attractive. It's not enough, but there are plenty of people who appreciate it. The issue with niceguys is that they aren't nice.
As for the fifth wheel stuff, don't worry about it. I remember thinking in high school that my friends probably just tolerated me when in retrospect it's pretty obvious that we were all friends. They wouldn't be inviting you stuff if you were actually killing the vibe.
I blew up my own wedding when I was 29, would have been a horrible idea to go through with it. Been with a new partner for about 3 years now and it's been awesome. your mid 20s are a weird time. Hang in there comrade, sending good vibes and support :soviet-heart:
If it helps at all, I didn't even meet my wife until I was in my mid-30s.
I think once a lot of 20somethings become 30somethings, some relationships end and new ones can begin.
While it definitely happens differently for everyone, 25 is still on the pretty young end as far as finding a "soulmate", if such a thing even exists. I was in a lot of bad relationships, was hurt by and hurt a lot of people before I found my person, and that was in my 40s. It is nice to have someone to share things with, it lessens the pain of existence, but there are other things to enjoy in life, too. The meetup app is a good place to find folks with mutual interests. Some people have suggested a DSA reading group, PSL also has very good educational programs. Maybe try an adult sports league for something a little less serious.
It’s easy to believe you found your “one and only “ in high school because you’re young and forced to spend all this time around your peers. It only feels harder as an adult because you don’t have the same sort of controlled environment that forces you to engage and collaborate with people in the same way (I’d say work, but not all work environments support casual socializing)
The key to making close friends is to BE a close friend. As in, already behave and act as though your comfortable and ready to have an intimate friendship. Confidence and being willing to open up really go a long way. For me, reminding myself that we’re all aging and getting closer to a time where we could regret not letting go of our insecurities enough to be friends and have fun, is all it takes for me to ignore the parts of me that don’t want to take initiative and want to be a bit more meek and withdrawn.
As for new people, you either have to get chummy with strangers as you go about your day and eventually become friends, or put yourself in another environment that forces you to be near people and do the same. Adult sports, volunteer work, look up Meetups in you area etc.
Soul mate is big yikes. All those couples wont exist in a decade or so. It's hard to find a community, but people are easy. Try like tinder
Just go on dating apps, they are soul-crushing and you need to be really honest with yourself and others about what you're comfortable with and what you want, and there is tons of sifting, but at the end of the day they are real people on the other side of the screen and real, genuine connections do come from it
:yea: i don't talk much irl; idk if its cuz of my anxiety or cuz i dont have anything to talk about. so i spend most of my free time being terminally online on this site. :agony-wholesome:
I met my partner 2 months after moving to a new city (and country) at age 25. Just met on a dating app and we've been hooked since then, it was quite random tbh. So it could happen to you. Honestly to me it sounds like you're at a very usual position in life, but yeah i do remember the super lonely feelings between age 22-25 without much of a community.
Best advice is just to put yourself in a position to meet people and statistically you should find people you like - whether partners or simply good friends.
