[CW: Transphobia]
As a non-binary person, I now have to operate under the assumption that any trans person I meet has a good chance of hating my guts simply because of my gender identity (ironic). I really fucking hate that I cannot undo this mindset because of how common transmedicalism and enbyphobia in the trans community has become.
I can't even see a post on social media that says something like "Trans Rights!!!" and not feel uncomfortable because my initial reaction has become "Does that include me, though? Do you support my rights?". I will always identify as trans, but I'm heavily frightened by the possibility that transphobic attacks I experience are not just gonna be from mostly cis people.
Now, at every fucking turn, I have to ponder if I belong in any trans spaces or not. After going through harsh amounts of abusive transphobia from cis people, having trans people go out of their way to exclude me has done more to make me feel alone than anything else, and it's absolutely not what I need right now.
The fact that trans people, including me, are so under attack by transphobic legislation, and transmeds still want to exclude me and hate me really is messing with me mentally. Transgender people are already viewed as being on such a low end of society's hierarchy, so for me to be going through the exact same thing as them, and then being told "Yeah, but you don't deserve any support, recognition, or acceptance because [reasons]." actually makes me feel like such an outcast and a freak that it truly emphasizes how abhorrent it is to be this way. There is no reason for me to carry on if I'm so disgusting, gross, freakish, and abnormal honestly. Genuine satisfaction sounds extremely unattainable in a world so binary that even transgender people hate me for being this way. I never wanted to be broken.
i'm so sorry. you don't deserve to feel that way, no one does. i know my words don't mean much, but i cannot emphasize how much the things they say are untrue and that you deserve love and acceptance just as much as i or anyone else does
The world was never binary, don't let them lie to you with their illusions.
Its part of splitting the community and alienating its members so we're weaker when asking for our rights, they obviously did it during red scares and found out said tactics worked perfectly on minority groups.