Hey friends, I had an interaction at work today that has really left me bummed out. I'm a corporate trainer with 8 years of experience. I have taught multiple subjects over the years to a wide and diverse range of students. One of the things I pride myself on most is being highly aware of my audience, and presenting in a way that is sensitive to their unique backgrounds and life experiences. The last thing I would ever want to do is make anyone in my class feel unwanted, uncomfortable, or outright offended by anything I would say.
Yesterday, I was teaching a new topic, with a new team and new manager. The new content team and new manager had been observing the other trainers all week, and it was my day to present. When starting the class, I opened with a short joke that I've used many times in the past. I'm opening up the presentation, and I start to introduce myself, saying in a somber voice: "Hi, my name is ElChango, and I've been sober for 24...ooops! Wrong meeting! Where was I?" And everyone laughed, and then I moved on with the rest of my presentation without a hitch.
Today, my manager told me he wanted to speak with me after class. When meeting, he told me that he had received feedback from "others in the class" that the above comment had offended them. He immediately pivoted and said that he was the one who found it inappropriate, saying that 'he was in recovery, but not for alcohol', that the joke 'did not land for him' and that I should not tell jokes without knowing my audience. I simply told him that I would never say it again and the call ended.
First of all, I was under the impression that my comment was self-deprecating - the joke being that I forgot which meeting I was in. I was not making fun of 12 step programs, I was not targeting anyone based on their participation in said programs, nor was I making fun of anyone suffering from the disease of addiction. Also, I have participated in 12 step programs in the past. Furthermore, what especially pains me is how hard I try to be inclusive of everyone in my class - it feels very bad to even think that I've hurt someone in this way.
I believe that I am being retaliated against because last week, prior to launching this new training content, I was very vocal in my dissent of the quality of the new content - content that my manager and his team were responsible for creating. Also, there were other individuals in this class throughout the week who deviated from the script and injected their own jokes, stories, and commentaries - but they were complimented profusely in our shared team chat. My manager never complimented my performance, verbally or in chat, and made no further commentary on my work other than what was said in that private conversation. And finally, when my manager was claiming he was offended by comment, he was trying to say my comment back to me - but he misquoted me, not even remembering what I had actually said.
What do you think? Asshole or retaliation?
Edit: Thank you all for your feedback. I mulled it over, and decided that regardless of the circumstances, I did not want to offend anyone, including my boss. I called to explain to him that the joke was self-deprecating, that I was in recovery myself, and that I was sorry if had hurt anyone. As soon as I explained that, he immediately backed off and was very understanding. With regards to retaliation - it's possible that other members of my team were hoping to use this event to gain leverage, but I believe that at least for now my boss and I are on the same page. I certainly won't be using the joke anymore.
Probably not an asshole but nothing that you've described seems like retaliation.
Could have been that the person making the complaint felt called out personally (even when they weren't) by you and being a bit sensitive about it. It'll probably pass in time.
Misquoting you ... depending on how bad they remembered what you said, probably isn't that big of a deal. Its likely that they weren't paying too close attention until they realized it was a "12 Step Program" joke.
either way 8 years is long enough you could probably get paid more doing the same job for someone else
It's boring and it sucks, but in my many years I've just come to advise leaving anything remotely potentially personal or controversial away from work, even if in good faith and humour.
You don't sound like you were being an asshole, your manager may have heard it in an unflattering way if they already have an issue with you (or just don't particularly gel with you) but it doesn't sound pre-calculated retaliation to me. Lose the joke, your ability for the last 8 years wasn't based on that anyway, and you'll be fine if a little more generic at work maybe, but work isn't life etc etc.
your ability for the last 8 years wasn’t based on it that anyway
I actually really needed to hear this. Thank you friend.
That would definitely be a controversial joke in any workplace I have been in. Even though you didn't intend to depreciate people in addiction programs, just using the subject within the joke leaves too much room for misinterpretation.
That's a fair assessment. I had used it before in mixed company, and had never been given feedback that it may have offended someone. I wrongly assumed that the self-deprecating factor was evident, and that it was a safe joke. I will no longer be using it.
intro joke probably not worth repeating anymore, but you know that already. this'll hopefully blow over in a bit
not really worth trying to figure out if it's retaliation because what if it was your boss can still make you do what he wants
I think one way to think of it is the joke is that someone might not necessarily be insulted but could find it triggering, whether they're a recovering addict or they have a parent/sibling/partner who is or was one, etc. Not very good for lightening the mood with an unfamiliar audience, at least I wouldn't think so.
