Almost 3 years ago now, surfing around r/traaaa I came across this comic. I just liked the community because I thought trans people had some great memes and sense of humor, and I thought it was pretty cool that people stepped out to be themselves... Then this. Just wanted to share.
Sorry if this isn't the place to say any of this and I'll remove it if so, but this just reminded me of my own experience:
Many years ago I had an almost irresistable urge to go talk to a doctor about wanting to be a woman that lasted somewhere around a couple of months. During that time I had no insurance nor any means to pay for HRT or anything like that. Instead I experimented with clothes and makeup and I shaved my whole body basically. It felt like a large release of pressure to even do that much but it wasn't enough.
This was prior to having really spoken to anyone about it, and it was not something that was popular in media or even anything I saw online for that matter, it just kind of happened really suddenly.
I remember posting something about it on Reddit and being downvoted into oblivion. It wasn't a generally acceptable thing to even discuss it seemed.
But then after a few months that urge began to fade away slowly. Less and less did I have that intense desire. Over the next year or so I began to lose interest in any sort of feminization at all. I threw the clothes away and stopped shaving all my body hair and I felt better.
Now it has been over a decade and change since that time and I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to be a woman. In fact I feel the opposite. I don't want to be a woman at all and I'm happy the way I am altogether. I actually think I'd be far more upset with myself now had I transitioned and I'd feel like I made a huge mistake.
I have no idea what happened or why it happened but it was so sudden and so intense it makes me wonder if there was something in my food or what?
Like, how the fuck does that even happen? Was it just some deep-seated desire to experiment that was triggered by something?
I can't even begin to explain it because throughout my life prior to that happening I don't remember ever wanting to be a girl or woman.
I'm not saying it's wrong or that anyone shouldn't feel that way, but for that urge to come on so suddenly and so strongly and then just fade away and now I have absolutely no feeling toward that, it's just bizarre and doesn't make much sense to me.
Has this ever happened to anyone else?
Could be fluidity. Could be repression. Could be random fluctuations that you’ll probably never really decipher. Whether or not you wanna try and understand it better is up to you and it’s valid either way. My dysphoria comes and goes, sometimes for long periods of time. But it’s not like cis people never have any natural desires or curiosity about gender experimentation. I think it’s normal.
Experimenting with sex and gender stuff is extremely normal, and I wish everybody treated it normally. I've sucked enough dicks in my life to recognize that I don't really like it enough to do it full time. And both of our experiences are okay!
You gave it a try, and it didn't feel like you, so... that's probably not you. I'm glad you could sort it out, and be your authentic self! That's nothing to be ashamed of.