I'm not transfem so I do not want to assume any authority on the transfem experience, since I am not affected by transmisogyny. But I will say that when I was first starting to explore my gender identity, I personally had a lot of doubts along the lines of "well what if I'm just doing this because I want to be special? what if I'm just doing this because I'm envious? what if I'm not really trans, I just think trans people are way cooler than me so I just want to LARP as one?"
I think many trans people have wondered at some point whether they're trans for the "wrong" reasons or not. Ultimately, if you are questioning whether transitioning will make you feel happier, it won't hurt to try things out. Makeup, clothes, names, pronouns — maybe have some fun with them and see how it goes :)
I constantly feel a desire to present in more feminine ways but just sort of feel depressed and disappointed when I try it. What does that mean for me? Is it just ADHD and depression stealing dopamine from me?
It might be (depression is really terrible, I’m there and I sympathize ) but also it’s also not an uncommon trans experience to feel disappointment after trying to shift presentation and not feeling satisfied with it. I’ve definitely experienced it; I think I have a post in this thread talking about it actually (how I was initially feeling quite dysphoric after giving myself a haircut I thought was more masculine.)
The act of transitioning can actually heighten feelings of dysphoria by bringing what was a background discomfort into focus and exacerbating a feeling of disconnect between the experience and the ideal. This is definitely the case for me. Honestly I personally do not feel much gender euphoria like ever and I don’t think I really will until I begin HRT. This stuff is tough but I believe in you
I'm not transfem so I do not want to assume any authority on the transfem experience, since I am not affected by transmisogyny. But I will say that when I was first starting to explore my gender identity, I personally had a lot of doubts along the lines of "well what if I'm just doing this because I want to be special? what if I'm just doing this because I'm envious? what if I'm not really trans, I just think trans people are way cooler than me so I just want to LARP as one?"
I think many trans people have wondered at some point whether they're trans for the "wrong" reasons or not. Ultimately, if you are questioning whether transitioning will make you feel happier, it won't hurt to try things out. Makeup, clothes, names, pronouns — maybe have some fun with them and see how it goes :)
I constantly feel a desire to present in more feminine ways but just sort of feel depressed and disappointed when I try it. What does that mean for me? Is it just ADHD and depression stealing dopamine from me?
It might be (depression is really terrible, I’m there and I sympathize
) but also it’s also not an uncommon trans experience to feel disappointment after trying to shift presentation and not feeling satisfied with it. I’ve definitely experienced it; I think I have a post in this thread talking about it actually (how I was initially feeling quite dysphoric after giving myself a haircut I thought was more masculine.)
The act of transitioning can actually heighten feelings of dysphoria by bringing what was a background discomfort into focus and exacerbating a feeling of disconnect between the experience and the ideal. This is definitely the case for me. Honestly I personally do not feel much gender euphoria like ever and I don’t think I really will until I begin HRT. This stuff is tough but I believe in you