I hope everyone had a great week! Hang out. Chat. Talk about what's going on. Have fun :3
I know I just made a post about male failing in the last mega, but it happened again today and when I got home I started crying from happiness.
I was specifically wearing a sweater and jeans from my old, male life, and no make-up, because I was at the post-office picking up a package addressed to deadname and I was worried they would need ID, so I wanted to appear male. Everything is normal until I give my signature, then the guy looks completely confused and asks "deadname is you??", and I realise he thought I was picking up the package for someone else, and I have to explain that it is in fact me and I didn't write the wrong name.
At first I was like why the fuck would this guy be suprised I'm the package recipient when I'm the one picking it up???, then in about a minute I realised it has to be because he thought the name didn't fit me, which could pretty much only be because of gender.
When it happened once last week it could have been a fluke, but now it happened a second time just days later and it feels like it can't be a coincidence. I read so many places to keep your expectations in check and that often you won't see too many changes from HRT until at least 12 months, but it hasn't even been 12 weeks yet. And while I know timelines are very individual, I just internalized that it would take a long time for me because I didn't want to be let down from high expectations, and now I don't know how to deal with this insane amount of gender euphoria.
Nothing ever feels better than malefailing in the old zero effort dude clothes imo.
my trans coworker today who i thought was a soft demsoc:
"china good, v*aush bad, cuba good, social democracy is the moderate wing of fascism (came to this conclusion without knowing the quote), market economy bad, socialism good, river to the sea"me:
oh if i have my way she'll be posting with us before the months out
so have you married her yet or is she still single somehow
2 separate people called me "my daughter" in the market yesterday, very cool
You have been called "my daughter" many times this past week!
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH you mean people called me "my daughter" multiple times, girl I thought I called you mommy or something
drive four hours round-trip to get more estrogen before the move
ambushed with surprise labs i couldn't do bc i had just done my injection earlier that same day
come home and open relaxation box to chill out
the box is full of transphobia
hell yes, wait times for care where i'm now living are even worse than in florida, very good 100/10 no notes
$600 for an appointment with the only game in town that's willing to play ball sometime this year
Sorry for writing copious amounts of text and treating this kinda like a journal, i know im pretty self centered right now, sorry.
Anyway
I went on a really nice date to some gardens with this wonderful woman this past weekend.
It was magical and felt so perfect. Shes also trans and idk if its that or just her but like she gets me in a way that I doubt cis people ever could. We had hooked up a couple times before this, and it was really nice to be in a more romantic/nonsexual setting with her. Gosh i feel intoxicated when Im with her, like theres gotta be something wrong with me right? She makes me feel such wonderful things, shes smart and passionate and strong and really fucking attractive and shes pursuing me of all people, i just feel so lucky. Idk where its going, if it'll last a month, a year, who knows, but im here for it.
Its also shone a light on my insecurities and fear of abandonment, and given me a really fucking good reason to get those managed. I mean, theyre mostly managed, kinda, and partially managed on a bad day, but still i want to have them completely managed. Idk, she just makes me want to be the best version of myself.
I guess thats all to say: yall, im falling hard for this woman and its at a time when I dont have the bandwidth for a serious relationship. I guess happiness comes when you least expect it? Im taking her to the movies this friday, and thinking to cook up a desert themed for the movie (but its a ton of work and im kind of dying right now, housing instability and all that (side note fuck landlords, housing should be a basic human right))
I just want to snuggle up with her forever, lay on her couch wrapped in each other, talking about nothing and everything. And kiss her, like a lot.
On the less wonderous side of things, ive been realizing the extent of my mothers codependency/fucked-up-edness and it shifted how I view her and made my discomfort relating to her more understandable. Im tired of being responsible for her emotional state, of being there for her in situations where I shouldnt have to be. For example, shes set a hard boundary about me leaving her house after 3 months, which is fine, but when I express anxiety around my housing instability and frustration with not being able to find a place to rent, she gets very upset and distraught that Im facing homelessness, and then I have to take care of her and soothe her and take care of her emotions when she is the one contributing to/forcing that situation in the first place! You cant tell your daughter to get out of your house and then turn around and be distraught by your daughter not having a place to live!? Make it make sense, please.Ive got a great monster of the week campaign going on that im continuously excited for, its really fun :) plus everyone is trans and its great.
Anyway, life is life, and life is wonderful and terrible.
NEW MEGATHREAD GET IN NERDS
I have come to a new and considerable conclusion recently: tfw no cat tail, tfw no cat ears. Idk, catgirls just seem to have more fun, and even as a kid I can remeber thinking humans should have tails cause it'd just be better, right? The cat ears seem like a logical addition, of course.
tfw no cat ears tfw no cat tail
I gotta say that this community is the best one I've ever been a part of. You folks put a smile on my face every week. Never change
my depression hoodie
my gym hoodie my dysphoria hoodieall being the same damn hoodie.
to a real onethey lasered my face for the first time today!
the doctor told me that my skin was VERY white, and i was like
hurt like a motherfucker and i still have the awful smell in my nostrils BUT my chin has never been this fucking smooooooth baybeeeeeee!!
yeah! the next day you will have stubble that sucks and you can't shave (so wear a mask) but the results are very worth it
Got called "my daughter" again in the post office while picking up a package
How the fuck lmao
Are you just getting unwittingly used in schemes for parent discounts? Do you just look like a lot of people’s daughters? Is everyone in your town just anomalously ass at recognizing faces?
No, it's like how English speakers will call a younger man "son", over here when an old person wants to call a stranger who's way younger than them and they don't know their name they just say "my son" or "my daughter"
The doctor that saw me for my pre-op exam for my bottom surgery is a vile bastard.
CW: Strong language and transphobic nonsense
Last week I had my pre-op exam for my bottom surgery, which is in 2 weeks from tomorrow. The appointment seemed fine enough aside from one little thing that happened that seemed a little cruel on his part, but it could've been waved off as whatever. Well, today, I got the report that he sent to my surgeon in the mail cause I guess they send out a hard copy to everyone. This absolutely vile piece of fucking garbage misgendered me the entire way through the whole report. He/him everywhere. Just constant misgendering without any thought on his fucking part.This is yet another transgression that this health network has done to me. The following being it.
- Attempted to force me to see a psychiatrist for HRT
- Consistent and constant misgendering when talking to staff and making appointments, INCLUDING to make my pre-op exam appointment.
- Getting misgendered by a doctor to the face with no apology when corrected when I was getting a procedure done late last year.
- This.
I'm fucking done. I am so livid right now that I can't steady my hands. I intend on calling their internal patient advocacy department tomorrow morning and bitching at them, but highly doubt that anything will come of it. In which case, please feel free to tell everyone and anyone you know to never use any services from Penn State Health. They put on this veneer of acceptance by putting your gender and pronouns in your patient profile (which exacerbates all of my earlier complaints), but in reality it means fucking nothing. Clearly. I did NOT need this today as I'm already being held together with gum and happy wishes.
Oh I know this feeling, the first time it happened I got the report back from a children's hospital and marked the thing up with all the weird, wrong shit, red-pen style. Most vivid memory is the doctor asking a 15 year old what kind of underwear they wear.
I hope your bitching to internal patient advocacy produces some results, 'cause that's just bullshit you do not ever need, and these people sound like bastards
Small follow-up. I decided to call their patient advocacy line today. We will quickly find out how much of a veneer their acceptance policy is. Should hear back from them on Monday.
<-- bearer of the curse (deep ass voice)
