Yes, it's a type of cognitive dissonance.
Welcome to the human condition.
There, there.
I mean there's a reason 'kiss' and 'kill' are only 1 letter apart
It is. If you want an extreme example, look at cases of school shooters or serial killers or really any bad criminal. The parents will often express disgust and disappointment, but still defend their children (e.g. he’s misunderstood, she’s a good kid). Part of it is denial or pride that they’re partially responsible (much of the time) for raising them, but people automatically get upset as if the parents are 100% in control of their feelings. They’re their parents. Maybe they do believe their kid has no responsibility, but no matter how much you hate your children for being monsters, there’s still a little biological part in your brain that says “but I’m still responsible for protecting you”, so they try to do that until the very end.
Another example is with abusive and dysfunctional families. Growing up I was constantly hit and verbally abused by everyone in my family, parents and siblings, to the point that I don’t consider that I really had siblings, just 4 parents. I never got to confide to anyone, had anyone to stand up for me, or do any of that for them. I’ll never forgive them for that, bur at the same time, I’m just tired. I’ll still go to their weddings and parties, but it will never be the same. As I said above, there’s a small biological part in me that says “you also took care of me”, and so when when they die, I will most likely shed a tear because of that, and I resent them for it because they don’t deserve that tear.
Me to myself—the one that's somehow a narcissist with extremely low self-esteem
Isn't that actually pretty common for all cluster B disorders? Low self esteem but manifested in kinda the opposite way that it does for someone with depression, anxiety, etc. IDK, I know they're not even mutually exclusive, but I suspect you're not alone in having that intersection of experiences.
Yeah honestly that's a common theme in the blues. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvrfDeylTTY
Here is an example called Lover Man, but it doesn't have to be romantic either.
Invidious (private) link: https://inv.tux.pizza/watch?v=yvrfDeylTTY
Actually this isn't a good example now that I listened to the lyrics again, I'll see if I can find a better one.
Isn't this basically every close relationship? The closer you are the more arguments you have
I've almost never experienced this and I find it pretty weird that its such a common trope. I legit feel like an incomplete phony person sometimes for lack of experiences like this (among others). The closest I've ever gotten is a roommate that used to rile me up on purpose with ridiculous arguments. It was easy to do and I would usually eventually get in on the joke, but some were just annoying.
But like, in terms of super close friends and romantic partners? Not a thing. sometimes I wonder if I'm just masking my "true" self (whatever that even means) so hard that I just never would fight about anything.
But also I just try to be reasonable and give people an out when we disagree and it just doesn't feel like it needs to elevate to fighting/arguing all the time. I get excited but I'm generally just like, explaining myself and usually the other person doesn't share my passion for whatever subject lol
I may just be autistic tho. idk.
Nah, i'm right there with you. In the long term relationships I've been in I've never been in a reall fight, certainly not a screaming match. I never wanted to hurt my partners or take anything from them, and I never stuck with anyone who wanted to hurt me or take anything from me.
I spend a lot of time around middle-aged-and-up married couples in their homes due to my line of work and the dynamics often seem pretty bleak. Maybe decades make the difference.
I'm autistic and I quarrel with people who are actually close with me because I don't mask around those I trust unlike with the majority of people lol
I don't mask around those I trust
yeah thats the part I'm not sure I do.
There's a pretty big difference between having an argument with someone because of a difference in opinion or interests, and having hatred for that person. I guess there's a lot of overlap as people mature and grow old with their close partners it's inevitable that negative emotions set in alongside love. But it's definitely different to just arguing, and it's probably not healthy to hate your partner.
I was thinking about good friends you'd much rather have than not but who also annoy and argue. Maybe love-hate is too strong? Idk
Yeah I think so. Personally I've never even felt hatred for anyone in my personal life, it's a whole different thing as opposed to just having differences with people IMO.
You can argue and disagree without fighting, without trying to hurt the other person or to "win". But to do that, you've got to trust them a whole lot, and they've got to trust you just as much.
I (romantically) love my only friend (he doesn't reciprocate) but in general he's kind of an asshole that only cares about himself.
I recently told him about a major life regret that directly relates to my current mental problems and he responded "regret is a ridiculous emotion since the past cannot be changed".
He's autistic (as am I), but that's just too far. It's fucking obvious that that's a shitty thing to say but he doesn't really care.
I hate him half the time and would be much better off not in love with him but it just won't go away.
Yeah. Communication can help to at least not have it a 1:1 ratio. Which way that skews is another story.
