Good morning dearest employees,
I know that a lot of you are concerned about the risks of commuting to the office these days, and we just wanted to assure you that your safety is our #1 concern. We have decided to give each employee a $200 bonus to outfit their car with armored plating and bulletproof windshields.
As for security at the office, we have installed a metal-detecting security checkpoint at the door, where you will sign in and sign out at each day. Please expect 30-60 minute delays, as care must be taken at checking each employee.
We have also heard from many of you that your homes have been damaged or destroyed, and we encourage those employees to utilize our company discount program with the Hampton Suites adjacent to the office.
Times are tough, but we at COMPANY X are here for you and your families. If we can all just come together we have a good chance of staying profitable this year!
Best wishes,
-Your shitty ass company owner-
PS: I'm sure you all heard the explosion in the parking lot, it seems the army's artillery missed the rebel lines by quite a bit today, we're just lucky the office was untouched! By the way, if you drive a 2017 white Ford Explorer, 2015 blue Honda Civic, or a 2019 red Mazda CX5, you may want to call your insurance and find a coworker to carpool with for a bit.
It's actually gonna be like the beginning of Children of Men.
A guy gets coffee as normal, walks out of the shop, and a fucking bomb goes off. He still makes it to work, and eventually decides he should go home.
The reason he gives his employer is not that he was nearly a victim of a terrorist bombing, but instead that he is too broken up about the death of a celebrity. The implication is that the bombing would not be reason enough.
Aw man, not sure how I never picked up on that. Even amidst complete societal collapse on the verge of human extinction, liberal politics and celebrity worship are still the primary driving forces of society.
It's actually kinda insane how we can normalize pretty much anything. Watching it happen in slow motion today makes Germany's transition in the 30s make so much more sense.
I worked in a restaurant, and when the first lockdown was lifted, management expected us all at the ready. 'Why are we fully staffed if we're only taking outside tables?" This moron insisted that people were ready to get out of the house and we should anticipate a wait list deep into the night.
When we showed up, half the staff got sent home, and no server had more than five tables total. We never reached a wait list. Once.
Burn it all.
Solidarity to the restaurant workers! I was a dishwasher at a busy city bar in college, that was absolute hell, and definitely shaped my radicalization. Didn't help that after leaving that job I worked as a door to door Kirby salesman which was the most surreal experience of my life, pure unfiltered exploitation. This country is seriously fucking twisted.
door to door Kirby salesman
is... is that what you meant to say? and if so i am deeply intrigued
i cannot possibly communicate my disappointment over this development over text 😔😔
Kirby Vacuums, one of Warren Buffets most disturbing operations. If that's what you meant, then yeah, it was absolutely otherworldly. I can go into detail if you'd like lol
rip. honestly, i was just more concerned with what fucking year people were trying to sell nintendo characters of all things door to door.
Lmao well thats easy, door to door Nintendo plush dolls won't happen until mid-2021
Real question though, at what point do we just say fuck it and stop? Every day gets harder and harder to care about frivolous profitable bullshit.
Maybe this is more a self-own, and that I need to be organizing my workplace (which is 90% expressed reactionaries, engineers...), but at the same time we need to be amongst the workers and honing skills that will still be needed after the revolution.
I know we first need a huge increase in class consciousness and a socialist party with popular leadership amongst the people, but I want general strike nowwww 😫
Maybe we could just start with a little general strike? As a treat? And use that as an example of worker power to help build class consciousness? I mean everyone seems pretty much on the same page that Shit Isn't Working right now, but that's at least as likely to accelerate the march of fascism as to lead to a socialist revolution if we don't have some way to direct it.
I mean I can only speak for the workplaces I've been in, but I haven't seen a place that wasn't at least 50% reactionary and desperate to climb the ranks over their coworkers. I believe things need to get more dire economically in the US before we see a large enough percentage of the population start to support the very concept of striking again, and feel enough unison with their fellow proletarians to not reject striking in other industries that takes away their commodity creature comforts.
Oh for sure, I totally agree. A reactionary is not irredeemable, they are reactionary out of their ignorance and default to the capitalist worldview. They do not see that at the base of many of their views lie assumptions that they never had a chance to critique before it was ingrained in their psyche. As the material conditions change against their favor, in conjunction with the education we can provide them, they can be turned into comrades. THEN we can have general strike 😈
The cockroach farmers of the post climate collapse wastes will have to deal with automated drones flying by broadcasting ancient messages promising extra ball pit breaks for Republic of Amazon(tm) employees willing to add 2 hours per day to their 16 hour shifts
Lmao that scene from Interstellar but its an Amazon drone instead of Indian. That movie could have been based if not for being so damn lib.
Yeah, I felt like it touched on some cool themes and then abandoned them in favour of lib bullshit and Nolan circlejerkery, haha
It was just so insufferably heavy handed at times, but maybe I only felt that way because they were like "yeah, you dumbasses, you see? This is the future we have to look forward to, but we have absolutely no idea why this is our future and how to stop it"
This is the future we have to look forward to, but we have absolutely no idea why this is our future and how to stop it
This is a depressingly common attitude amongst the establishment it seems, see also: UN members clapping like seals while Greta Thunberg tells them they're destroying the planet, haha
God we're all so pathetic, aren't we folks? We're all pieces of shit, and we should all feel terrible. We're all going to die. Anyways, vote for me, 2020!
And people wonder why leftists are all bitter arseholes with substance abuse problems, haha
The main cultural product of the current hegemony is masochism applied to the scale of our species. Literally every representation of the future these days is apocalyptic and despair, and driving the message home that its OUR fault.
the eyebots in fallout are actually kinda adorable so those drones better be cute at least
Shout out to my boss who notified us with an in-house email that somebody tested positive for coronavirus and we need to get tested immediately. We needed to show up to learn about it so they could get a couple hours of work before we go get tested - no word on whether we'll be compensated for the necessary time off.
We are pleased to announce that starting tomorrow, we will be offering in-office coronavirus testing to all employees!
These are real fall of the Roman Empire hours. Honestly it amazes me that most people still aren't feeling us careening over a cliff lol.
"I just wanted to remind everyone that sick days are reserved for illness, we will not accept requests otherwise. We know that the number of safe commuting routes are dwindling these days, but its each employees' responsibility to find their way to the office."
"Look, I know things have been rough since losing your wife and oldest child in the supermarket bombing last week, so we just wanted to say we're here for you, and your job is safe. Please feel free to take personal days for Monday and Tuesday, we understand that planning funerals can be difficult these days. Hope all is well!"
"The first five employees to make it into work today shall be blessed with a face full of chrome spray paint."
Business Insider: "This small company came up with their own solution to the low morale in their workers, and now top tech firms are following suite: Hear from the innovators themselves as they discuss their methods that are taking the industry by storm"
"As you have all no doubt realized, there is no stopping them. The ants will soon be here. And your employer, for one, welcomes our new insect overlords. We feel that our industry is well-suited to this new economic paradigm shift, and we look forward to partnerships with their underground sugar-caves. Hail ants!"
Lmao this will actually happen, except the ants will be fascists, mark my words
If you haven't listened to "It could happen here" podcast, you need to. It's the official sooner podcast of Chapo.chat
This post was partially inspired by it, listened to it a few weeks back. I think it would have been interested to hear him talk about how labor as a whole would react, and how the bourgeois owners would react in terms of their capital/labor pool. But then he'd be doing Marxist analysis of something that hasn't happened, so perhaps its just wishful hoping for prophecy lol.
Been wanting a follow up podcast. Worst Year Ever doesn't quite reach the itch
The $200 for armor plating is optimistic. My company asked for donations for hand sanitizer, that we made as basically industrial waste.
More likely a thoughts and prayers, give yourself extra time to get to work, let us know ASAP if you get kidnapped so we can cover your shift, consider downloading waze and reporting madmax style vehicle gangs so other employees can avoid that area.
Good afternoon everyone, I’m sure you all heard the explosion in the parking lot, it seems the army’s artillery missed the rebel lines by quite a bit today, we’re just lucky the office was untouched! By the way, if you drive a 2017 white Ford Explorer, 2015 blue Honda Civic, or a 2019 red Mazda CX5, you may want to call your insurance and find a coworker to carpool with for a bit.
STFU i've been homeless for a year none of this is "funny" the way you white people have been labelling everything messed up as "ironically funny" for the last 10 years
I certainly should be better about not letting dry/despair-fueled humor detract from the very real human suffering inflicted by the bullshit we laugh in disbelief about, and if that's what my posts come across as then that's something I need to change. But I do think there is benefit to absurdist cartoonish portrayals of the obvious oppression and imposition of human suffering that has been so normalized to the bulk of society. It sucks ass but it seems that the only way some people actually think critically about themselves is when they're being laughed at. I do feel like an ass for sitting here comfortably writing these posts while there's people suffering in a very real way, and that's something I guess I really need to contend with.
Let me know if there's anything I can do to help comrade ♥️
Hey now, don't expect the company to fully pay for something that will give you personal use value as well!
