As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
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First of all, waow.
And yea I know, that's part of what hurts me too. Thanks for sharing your story though.
if it helps you can have a pseudo story in your head like "I'm buying this as a gift for my girl" (you're your girl :3)