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I have similar feelings where I’ve known I was trans for a long time, but haven’t made much progress in my transition and then I’ll see someone somewhat younger than me whose egg cracked more recently but is fully out and feel like shit
That's not exactly what I meant, but yeah sometimes I can feel that. But be a bit kinder to yourself, you weren't completely in control of your ability to transition sooner. Whether that be because of family concerns, a lack of money, an inability to find the energy right away, etc...
I understand feeling that jealousy towards others, I'd be lying if I said I haven't felt it before, more recently than I'd like to admit, in fact. But it's not really healthy to fixate on it and let it fester resentment or pain for yourself. That's just going to make it harder for you to find the will to help yourself move forward in your transition in the future due to that feeling of hopelessness/unfairness that can come with it.
I just feel like I can’t relate to anybody
I kinda feel that way too. Like, I knew I was trans for about a decade before actually transitioning and it’s like, I don’t really fit in to any narrative? I’m not really a baby trans, but I’ve only been on hormones for a year. My egg cracked when I was young, but I started transitioning when I was older. I didn’t really have the experience of going through life not recognizing my dysphoria or not understanding why I felt the way I did, but I still had to deal with the dysphoria of trying to live as a guy. Like it feels like for everyone else it was straight from realizing they’re trans to transitioning and I just don’t see my experience reflected anywhere
mood, my experience has mostly been boymoding on a low dose of hrt for years.
Maybe. I'm unfortunately probably not the person you'd be able to relate to, I think. I could overexplain how I used to be so depersonalised that I couldn't relate to anyone either, but I don't know if that's how you're feeling here and I don't want to presume. And if it is, I can't really explain how I began to be able to relate to people other than just having been struck by one particular fictional character that slowly opened the gates for other forms of relating for me.
It sucks not being able to though, it sucks feeling like you're stuck alone in the world with no one like you. It sucks to feel that hopelessness that comes with it.
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Envy is an awful, awful pit.