I have pretty much given up on being social at all any more because of how much I seem to resist it, even though I WANT to go out and do things and make more friends and be consistent. But it's just so exhausting, I dissociate when I'm out and about unless I'm drunk, I get super anxious about what to talk about, etc etc. I've been going to punk and metal shows for like 20+ years but now I pretty much have resigned myself to the fact that I just am not gonna go anymore because I just disappoint myself again and again after I tell myself I wanna go, but then when it comes down to it I figure out a way to just avoid it. And that makes me sad.
I'm AuDHD, and currently exploring meds. Has anyone noticed an impoved ability to socialize/go out in public when medicated?
Yeah Vyvanse helped a lot. I have adhd so bad that even speaking was a struggle because I did it so fast that I couldn’t always complete my thoughts. I’m AuDHD as well and find that the meds can only do so much depending on your level of autism.
Yeah I figure the autism aspect can only moderate things so much lol. But when I was younger and up until like 6-7 years ago I was much, much more motivated to be social, and even more so as a teen and in my early/mid twenties. I know part of my experience is just getting older but I have trouble even wanting to go outside; I think my executive function machine is just completely busted from a variety of factors lol. Do you feel like the vyvanse has mostly helped with slowing down/mindfulness, maybe?
It has, but like any medication it’ll take some time for it to settle in and then find the right dosage. Too much gives you the stereotypical result of hyper focusing to finish that overdue assignment but seems to make Autism symptoms worse with social interactions. The perfect dose will allow you to do both in a way that feels natural
Ritalin made socializing even harder.
Wellbutrin was quite positive for socializing.
Just my limited experience.
Sure.
With Ritalin, I was more withdrawn and sometimes depressive or paranoid.
With Wellbutrin, I was more upbeat and happy, which made people react more positively to me.
That's at least my experience. Yours may be different.
I'm diagnosed ADHD, and I suspect maybe I have the Au as well but I'm not diagnosed. I'm an extrovert in general but also kind of struggle with social interactions sometimes and I think Vyvanse gave me more energy to use for many tasks, including socializing. It felt easier to talk to people and like I was a bit more coherent and friendly and outgoing than my non medicated baseline
That's encouraging. I think fatigue/exhaustion are a HUGE part of my experience. I also get overstimulated so it's like a vicious cycle and feels herculean to get through social events (without drinking). It would be nice to be more friendly lol, I find myself really aloof and terse because I'm so anxious when I go out
These are all things that I think are issues I struggle with in social interactions for sure. It's wild to even begin to think about how much energy is put in to moderating oneself...I started to realize just how much I'd finish other people's sentences or interrupt, so in the past year at work I've taken up the habit of covering my mouth with my hands when I start interrupting lol. The sensory overload is really intense, too. trying to block out other background conversations and really pay attention can be so difficult. I think part of this is why I like going to shows so much. I have spurts of 15 minute social interaction, then a reason to just leave mid conversation to go watch a band where I don't need to talk to anyone for like 20-45 minutes
It would be cool to have a little battery indicator to see just exactly how much energy is consumed by engaging in masking each day
I mean yes, they did help especially when it comes to listening to others... but I've found myself happier when I don't see people very often. Instead I meet them for longer sessions and we tend to have amazing conversations. I like meeting people one on one.
Also the meds are Medikinet.
but I've found myself happier when I don't see people very often
This is probably something really important to remember for myself; like I can't FORCE myself to become more social and have it feel fulfilling. I think as I've aged I've become more comfortable with just chilling and being cozy at home; don't really get FOMO at all anymore which is nice....But I still don't really hang out with people even if it's 1 on 1 anymore. Putting in the effort of making plans, and then white knuckling through the urge of wanting to cancel and the anxiety of NOT cancelling.....it's all too much to bear lollll. I'm hoping that if I do take meds it can get me to a sweet spot, and it seems lik the consensus here is that it can help at least a little!
Yes it has. But I've always been reasonably social. However, it was always hard to take that first step to be social.
For me, the barriers imposed by executive dysfunction (even outside socializing ) have been greatly reduced, and usually I am not completely wiped after socializing, even in a difficult situation.
Also, if I need to pop to the store, I basically just go now.
Vyvanse is what I'm prescribed btw.
One big issue is I have brain space to care about things again, but also so many disruptive coping mechanisms that I didn't realize I had. So for the last 6 weeks (how long I've been on it) life has been a flurry of doing things to the point of exhaustion, and working through old strategies and replacing them with new ones.
Inattentiveness, hyperactivity, impulsivity, those are all still things I deal with. But, I am able to identify it and work through it now.
And for me (not the same for everyone) I have basically no side effects, other than my body is a bit hot, but that was always the case anyway.
yep, executive function difficulties/motivation are the BIG ones for me. I used to go out 4 or 5 days a week; while I'm older and wouldn't want that now, I KNOW that I want to hang out with friends more than once every month or two. I also have a lot of more physical hobbies (gym, gardening, cycling) that I enjoy doing but it feels near impossible to do them and then it makes me so depressed to not be able to. I'm also way too dependent on delivery apps too.
What do you think allows you to identify and work on these coping mechanisms where you couldn't before? Just the ability to focus and maybe less mental clutter?
Honestly I don't know. Keep in mind it's also the "type" you have as well. My type is mixed, and I'm fortunate enough to have a "high IQ" (according to the assessment, I know it's a troublesome metric, please don't shoot me lol) so that may play into it as well.
I have similar hobbies, and I always feel better engaging with them. But, sometimes that also wasn't enough. I would have to yell internally or externally "Jesus Christ rando895" to push through the dysfunction, and it worked less and less as I got older.
People can recommend so many strategies to work on things that are difficult (prep food ahead of time, let yourself order out once or twice a week, etc.) but that may or may not work for you, and ultimately I think you (me as well) have to try a bunch of different things to see what works, and never stop trying new things. It's also sort of a hack to let your brain seek new interesting things to get the sweet feel good chemicals lol.
As far as the meds, most of what I've said is me trying to piece together my feelings and observations:
My brain is quieter, sort of. I am far more eloquent when I speak, and much more clear. I think this is indicative of better focus, memory, and brain function.
There is almost never a wall of molasses I need to move my thoughts through to do simple tasks like the dishes or sweeping.
So I guess what happens, is if I, say, pull out my phone to dissociate for a bit, I might realize "I really don't need to do this, I'm fine" and can usually stop. Then, that leads to the thoughts "wow, was that a coping mechanism?".
Another example:
Hyper fixation (and impulsivity) on upgrading my computer. The coping mechanism (I didn't know until recently) was this:
I really want to upgrade my computer (this means it WILL happen).
So, I would research everything about the games, performance, what is the best upgrade, where are the better prices, etc. This forced me to not spend money impulsively. But, it's exhausting and takes up so much time.
Recognizing this now it's a bit different:
"I want to upgrade my computer." But then I think " But why? My games and apps work fine. " And that is basically the end of it, usually.
Meds aren't perfect and this has been my experience and attempts at understanding my situation. If it helps, I was diagnosed a few months ago, recently started meds, and I'm in my 30's.
Ohh, and information dumps are still (clearly) a thing that I frequently engage in lol. I hope it's at least a little useful.
Oh dang, that part about hyper fixation is real. I will research and research about a few different subjects and get really excited to do them (sewing, darning, bike camping, etc) and I may just do it once or not at all. It's like I find the research satisfying enough to not nees to do it. Like i get lil dopamine hits from daydreaming about it without needing to execute a real world plan which requires dealing with all the nitty gritty steps that make the activity overwhelming. I'd love yo.just skip to the "just do it" part.
I scroll on my phone all day long, too. Sometimes for 9+ hours on weekends, it's really embarrassing :/ it would be a god send to be able to put it down and even just focus on movies more often or read at the very least
Also, if you just enjoy the research part, where's the harm in that?
As far as the phone: me too. Removing apps can help. Put it out of your field of view. Stuff like that. Still it's super hard
The research part is fun, but it's the part where I get bummed out about not actually doing the thing that's the problem. I hope if I start stimulants, I can have the best of both worlds! I'm glad that it seems to have helped you so much
