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'tism talk
It could be due to masking. When you're out in public you might feel a pressure (likely have since you were very little, hence why it seems normal) to act like a neurotypical person, so you're not perceived through an ableist lens. I certainly feel this pressure a lot. You might be able to maintain it for a certain amount of time, but then become disregulated and feel the need to do it once you're able. I've had a similar thing with one stim since I was a kid — my parents would constantly tell me off for doing it, but I couldn't stop, which made me feel like a broken mess.
Unless you have a good reason to give up your stim, I'm not sure why you would try going cold turkey like that. It's a good way to self-regulate, if it's not hurting you. I've had people to tell me stop moving or bouncing my leg because it's driving them crazy and idk, sorry Stacy, I'd rather that than bite myself until I bleed or something. Nowadays I just say I'm autistic and it usually gets people to shut the fuck up, but I have a fear that it also makes them see me as less human, because of the way autistic people are portrayed in popular media and public education.
descriptions of stimming behaviour
Right now I've got a couple of stims that have been really unpleasant. One is me biting the inner side of my lip — this is usually a good one while I'm out in public since nobody probably pays attention to what I'm doing inside my mouth, but on the other hand, I don't notice that I'm doing it until my lip starts bleeding and swells up, so I need to find a good replacement for that. Another one is me twisting my hair — it's made my long hair look so shabby and broken, it's making me a bit sad. Need a fidget spinner or something, but then I'm risking people infantilising me, like you mention.
spoiler
There is extreme pressure to avoid this in public, I simply can't. And yea, parents made me stop a lot. I really wish my parents had taken me to a doctor and got a diagnosis.
I knew I wouldn't be able to just be done with it forever, but I hoped to make it longer then like 10 minutes. I really just wanted to see where I was at with stimming. I don't need to give it up immediately or anything, but the item I usually do it with is kinda falling apart. Doing it with other things isn't as effective either.
Yeah samesies. That would have saved me so much trouble in life.
Aww, yeah that sucks :( Hope you can find something else that works