[CW: Discussions of Transphobia/Unsolicited Sexual Behavior]
A "leftist feminist" who disagreed with something I said accused me of having "male privilege" even though she knows I'm transfeminine. She said that "all male people have male privilege," with the term "male" there including transfeminine people. To do some harm reduction, she said "I didn't say anything about your gender, just your maleness."
What's really the kicker is that, even if you like to use this awful "sex and gender are different things" as a means of trying to have one foot on the transphobe side and another foot on the trans ally side, the idea of transfeminine people having male privilege from a systemic point of view is just deeply unserious.
I lost my family, got called queerphobic slurs by them in the process, dealt with extended periods of joblessness while also fearing the potentiality of being homeless with basically no support but Hexbear, and have gone through various other abuses because of my transfeminine identity, including uncomfortable sexual scenarios with men, and I have male privilege?
Well, let's not forget that she was also 
NSFW but only in a literal sense, it’s not that weird: if you took off his boot you would see the dicks growing out of his feet
I found a YouTube link in your comment. Here are links to the same video on alternative frontends that protect your privacy:
You know what this sounds like to me? The gender equivalent of bigots who pull the “the problem isn’t [insert ethnic minority] genetics, it’s [insert ethnic minority] culture.” Especially as they could’ve just gone with “well the experiences and perspectives of cisgendered women will be different from that of trans women/trans feminine” gambit instead of calling your gender identity into question.
What's funny is that my partner, who is a cis woman, agreed with what I said, but this transphobe conveniently neglected that because she saw an opportunity for misgendering me and accusing me of "male privilege" in the process.
Yeah that’s the problem with the privilege argument, it’s functionally saying “position X is not one people of my particular demo hold.” Which can easily backfire if a good faith member of the demo says otherwise.
The "you can't change your sex, just gender" feels transphobic. Same with amab/afab. It's all a way to say "you're really still just a man/woman." Most cis "allies" still see trans people's gender as matching their birth sex, and are just correctly gendering us because it's what we ask for, not because they actually believe we are that gender.
The differentiating between sex and gender is definitely transphobic but I don’t see a problem with a trans person menioning that they were amab or afab. I think that the difference in which male presenting and female presenting children are treated are important topics to talk about, also for trans people (if they want to obviously).
I view my experiences of sexual assaults and aggressions when I was a child as part of growing up while presenting as a girl. These events would not have happened if the perpetrators did not see me as a girl. And these events have had a huge impact on who I am today, and I need to share the afab part to anyone that is important enough to me that I want them to understand who I am and why I am who I am. Transphobes will use it to disregard my gender, but anyone smart enough to be able to distinguish gender identity and assigned gender at birth will understand what I mean when I tell them that my assigned gender at birth was female.
Idk if I need to add a disclaimer that I recognise that sexual violence can be a part of a boys’ childhood as well same for trans children who present as boy or non binary. It’s just that in the violence that I experienced my female presentation was very explicitly the reason why I was assaulted. I’m pretty sure that the median cis woman gets most frequently sexually harassed when she is a child (for me it was between ages 10 and 16), so sexual harassment is a pretty big part of growing up when you are perceived as being a girl as well.
I'm talking about the shit like "queer household looking for roommates, afabs only" that's just the woke way to call transfems men and transmascs women.
"AMAB" and "AFAB" are absolutely not inherently bad, but they've been tainted by certain kinds of people, being used as some sort of "woke" loophole for misgendering. For instance, since trans women and transfeminine people are undeniably AMAB by definition, people find that using "AMAB" instead of "man" isn't misgendering even though it can still be incredibly toxic. This could manifest as people disgustingly saying things like "AMABs tend to be more violent than AFABs."
Yeah, it can be a useful descriptor sometimes, but way too often it’s just used by people who believe in the sex/gender dichotomy as a substitute for male/female
It's just that in the violence that I experienced my female presentation was very explicitly the reason why I was assaulted.
I know this probably isn't what you meant, but I wanted to say it anyway. Nothing about you or your appearance can be blamed on you. It was the responsibility of your assaulters to not attack and hurt other people. It's done by people who think they have a right to someone else's body.
The "you can't change your sex, just gender" feels transphobic
It feels transphobic because it is. Like just straight up transphobia. It’s also just factually untrue.
Most cis "allies" still see trans people's gender as matching their birth sex, and are just correctly gendering us because it's what we ask for, not because they actually believe we are that gender.
Absolutely feel the same way. I'm surprised more people don't.
correctly gendering us because it's what we ask for, not because they actually believe we are that gender
Ray Blanchard and his consequences have been a disaster for the human race.
I am a transSEXUAL I have transed my SEX.
My gender has not changed.It really feels like half the time cis people ust think it's the opposite and you change your "gender" by being a man who wears woman's clothes and uses different pronouns.
I fucking hate cissies.
"I didn't say anything about your gender, just your malene.."
I feel like that TERFs aren't usually the kind to hide behind the "gender/sex distinction" shit in this manner (y'know, "adult human female"), but I guess they could be. I find that it's something that a lot of """"well-meaning"""" libs will do to make the concept of trans people sound more digestible for conservatives.
From what i've seen it seems fairly common in the UK, at least among lib transphobes. Post-purge Labour uses this shit a lot.
Oh, some of them certainly do. Julia Serano goes into it repeatedly in Whipping Girl -- at the end of the day, it's a combination of cis gender entitlement and oppositional sexism. Anyway, down with cis.
This reads to me like somebody believes that life, and power structures come with well defined and immutable rules like a board game. Like if you just know the rules really good, that then you'll win.
Guess you just didn't know the rules good enough
Being a feminist who thinks that having a Y chromosome automatically puts you on a specific part of the hierarchy is absolutely fucking crazy. How can a feminist have such an immaterialist perception of patriarchy? Bioessentialism rots the mind.
"I didn't say anything about your gender, just your maleness."
I think the sex v gender thing can be valuable as a little white lie to help people begin to understand without getting too complicated—kinda like how kids often don't learn about plasma when they're learning states of matter because it's kinda confusing at that stage, or how physics problems often assume an impossible frictionless environment to make learning other elements easier.
No, teaching people an incorrect model first necessitates re-educating them later or else they're going to cause issues. This isn't like Newtonian gravity and relativity - a brief explanation of the social construction of sex can be done in just a few sentences.
a brief explanation of the social construction of sex can be done in just a few sentences.
whether or not such an explanation can be done is immaterial - what matters is if people are actually going to buy into that explanation. "sex = bio vs. gender = social" is fairly graspable for people because it's offering a granularity that doesn't inherently contradict their previous understanding. the moment you bring out "social constructs" you're going to lose people, especially when it's blowing up a hegemonic notion they thought they've had covered since like age 7
We're not losing anyone. The "allies" unwilling to engage in analyzing sex are going to be calling me biologically male and telling me I can't play sports anyway while they politely she/her me.
I'm more talking about the people who have no idea what a transgender is. You're right in that if someone purports to be an "ally" they've signed up for learning things the more complex way
states of matter is a great analogy because there are way more than four of them too
If a trans person works as a post person, they have mail privilege, see, see?? Mail privilege is getting assaulted for having my hair out and holding hands with my bf, but i have a parcel waiting for me at home!
sorry you had that interaction Angel, you deserve better
If a trans person brews an alcoholic drink at high temperature, they have ale privilege
as a medical professional sex is when I get out the big calipers and gender is when I get out the tiny fMRI calipers
"The difference between sex and gender? Well let's just say me and your mom didn't discuss sex last night." c:<
The main issue I have with this is that, especially considering the nature of language when it comes to personal identity, you're going to run into a lot of weird semantic confusion if we try to be hyper-specific on defining these words, especially nowadays. I don't think the term "transsexual" is inherently bad to use, but I'm also scared of having a distinction between "transsexual" and "transgender" because that distinction is sometimes used as a form of truscummy behavior. I find that they promote a false dichotomy with these terms. For example, they'll say speak of non-binary people as if being non-binary and a "transsexual" are mutually exclusive, but they'll define a "transsexual" as someone who seeks medical transition, especially surgery, which is something that I and many other non-binary people do. Ultimately, I don't think there should be extremely precise definitions of these words any more than I think that people should just learn how to respect how others identify themselves. I always go back to the "labels are descriptive and not prescriptive" outlook.
