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IMPORTANT SITE REMINDERS ARE LISTED AFTER THIS RANT (so please read all of it in order to find the rules >:3)
On this mega I shall take the opportunity to rant about one of my favorite things: the Webnovel UNJUST DEPTHS!
Do you love transgenders?
Do you love communism?
Do you love queer romance?
Do you love killing fascists in a giant fucking mech?
Would a plotline with all of these things happening in a underwater retro-futuristic gundam setting intrigue you?
Especially if its actually really well written with good characters, rich worldbuilding, and a marxist leninist transfem author?
All of the answers should be: YES I DO or else I WILL BAN YOU
Since you obviously love all of those things then Unjust Depths is perfect for YOU yes YOU! It is DESTINY
The Imbrian Ocean is at a time of severe instability. The monarch of the vast Empire that spans its unjust depths (:3) is sick and nearing death, every territory of the ocean now vying to carve their own Destiny out of the chaos. From the Volk fascists 
, Zionists 
(they literally will not die why are they still here oh my god), The 'Anarchists' (social chauvanists) 
in Bosporus, and the monarchs 
of each vast noble domain, each vies for power and prestige no matter who they crush underfoot, but it would be a pretty depressing story without a bright light in the dark.
On the edge of the Empire sits the glorious Union! The (Soviet) Union 
is a socialist federation of three states (and one anarchist mountain 
)that were formerly slave colonies under the Imbrian Empire until they broke away in a fierce liberation war. They have spent the last 20 years since then building themselves up. Whether they be Human 
, Shimmi 
(Catgirls who usually follow a religion closely related to modern Islam), and Kattaran 
(a hybrid humanoid species with characteristics of sea life ranging from sharks to cuttlefish)building socialism side by side.
First lead under the revolutionary leader Dashka Kansal, then the Idealist Ahwalia who lead the country to near ruin in pursuit of building a utopia on pillars of sand, then under the scientific socialist 
leadership of the Grand Marshall of the Union, Bhavani Jayanskar (I love Jayanskar so much shes basically as if Stalin, Lenin, and Zhukov were rolled into the same person but was a black lesbian badass who wore the uniform REALLY WELL)(she aint the main character at all tho shes only in very few scenes i just love her so much). Under Jayanskar, the Union has been growing their economy to both eliminate hunger and give everyone a home 
, but also growing their military capabilities for the inevitable return of the Empire. The Union is alone, but with the people by its side nothing, not even Destiny, can snuff out true freedoms light. 
As war wages between the Empire and Republic (basically underwater USA) once more over the lands between them, the facade begins to finally crack...
And a border conflict between the Empire and Union escalate, and the dreaded reconquest begins.
Amidst this turmoil, lives our main characters (yes there are multiple and all of them are lovely). Each of whom I personally love dearly, and are very well characterized. Many are soldiers of the Union, some are scientists, some are divers (mech pilots), some are lost strands finding new meaning after joining this band of Brigands
All are Communists 
All serve the Union 
All would gladly give their lives to defending socialism 
but even they would have little inkling of the adventure set in store for them as the lands beneath the waves erupt in fire, fury, and revolt
Can these transgender badasses kick fascist ass?
Can they kiss? (oh my god please kiss ISTG THERE IS SO MUCH SHIPPING AHHHH ITS GLORIOUS)
FIND OUT HERE: https://unjustdepths.com/
please do or else I will pout incessantly
just try it pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase i need to talk to someone about it after Cromalin went AFK
(I miss her, she was a real one)
REALLY IMPORTANT RULES BELOW, MUST READ
Join our public Matrix server! https://matrix.to/#/#tracha:chapo.chat
As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
the answer, cw: dysphoria
I wish I could have this mentality, but I just do not have the energy. I still worry way too much about displeasing others, and I'm the kind of person to try to keep things going as smoothly as possible. If that means I boymode, then I do, at least until it becomes something that won't make my time there as miserable*. Yes, the boymoding causes alienation, but I feel like it's a different kind from what I experience at school. School is more like "I've always had issues with alienation, and this is just one more thing" while work is "I feel like a different person while I'm here, I'm just not going to speak (and not just because of voice dysphoria) and completely chameleon while I'm here". I'm honestly not much of a talker in either setting, but I find myself talking a bit more at work because of the whole chameleon thing, while at school I don't want people to hear my voice. I barely talk at work as it is, to the point where my co-workers are a bit confused. I realize as I'm typing this that there's a lot of contradictions in my thinking, and I probably really need to start seeing a therapist, but this is how my brain seems to work. I'm weird, I don't make sense, and I feel messed up. I used to be "fine" in isolation, extremely depressed and numb, but now I just get to feel that isolation when I can feel so many other things (It's an improvement, but it's a new feeling). Alienation that felt somewhat comforting before (for many reasons) now feels really lonely, and while I wish I could talk to more people and not have these issues with it, I feel like it's so hard-coded into me at this point, and I don't see how I can really escape this. Ha, I say I'm better than I was, but if this is better, what does that say about my life just a little over a month ago?
*perhaps this part was a bit too contradictory to even make sense. I don't quite "boymode" in the sense that I act a different way. Other than the masking, which I bring up (chameleon), I don't tend to act any way that I wouldn't already act. I wear padded bras, nail polish...
You know, I was typing up this part, and I realize something. I'm not trying to hide anything, as I was saying, I literally just act however I want anyway, and I even wore eyeliner once. Now, the cis are oblivious, obviously enough, but if I'm not hiding, what am I scared of? The fact that putting a label on it is going to upset them? I was about to ask for smaller shirts at work as well (so my boobs would be more visible), and I'm worried about telling them I'm trans? I'm actually so messed up, so clueless, and so dense if I thought I was hiding anything, and it wasn't just the fear of them knowing a label. Hell, I already look for feminine than all of my cis male co-workers, and although I have facial hair sometimes, and I don't like it, what does that have to do with anything??? I honestly think it could be the issue of my voice, because it probably gives me the most dysphoria (next to my facial hair), but that can be changed? I think I'm going to "come out" to my co-workers, and as I'm typing this my heart is beating and I'm starting to stress out, but I've put out all of my thoughts, all of the facts, and doing this should only be a net positive. Sure the one redneck boy in high school and the one #bluelivesmatter guy might think of me differently, but you were right, what does that even matter in the grand scheme of things? I'll still have my radlib co-workers who will go on about how great Copmala HariSS is and say "When in doubt, just listen to what RATM has to say" in the same sentence. Maybe I'll even start a civil war (/s) but it doesn't even matter. I deserve to at least be talked to and referenced correctly.
ah
It kind of seems like it takes more energy worrying about displeasing people, and shit? Like seriously, look at how stressed you seem to be about keeping things running smoothly at your own expense. You have no requirement socially to keep anything running smoothly. Your work situation does not seem more desirable than your school one, honestly.
Sure are a lot of contradictions... I'm not gonna recommend a therapist per se because lmao who can afford that, but thinking this type of thing through and really chewing on it helps.
You have social-related issues like a lot of us do, be kind to yourself. Unfortunately Idk how to go about talking to more people, other than to just say that you can. I do not irl though, so what do I know...
Any improvement is still a good thing. It takes time to get better.
It's the only reason I haven't gotten one yet...
I also made some clarifications to the original comment that might explain my feelings on work vs school, and I also kind of pieced something together while I was doing it. Long story short, but I think I'm going to tell my co-workers that I'm trans.
For real, I think therapy can be good but in western nations it's so fucked and so geared for getting people to be wageslaves again, and fuck that.
Thank you for your help