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IMPORTANT SITE REMINDERS ARE LISTED AFTER THIS RANT (so please read all of it in order to find the rules >:3)
On this mega I shall take the opportunity to rant about one of my favorite things: the Webnovel UNJUST DEPTHS!
Do you love transgenders?
Do you love communism?
Do you love queer romance?
Do you love killing fascists in a giant fucking mech?
Would a plotline with all of these things happening in a underwater retro-futuristic gundam setting intrigue you?
Especially if its actually really well written with good characters, rich worldbuilding, and a marxist leninist transfem author?
All of the answers should be: YES I DO or else I WILL BAN YOU
Since you obviously love all of those things then Unjust Depths is perfect for YOU yes YOU! It is DESTINY
The Imbrian Ocean is at a time of severe instability. The monarch of the vast Empire that spans its unjust depths (:3) is sick and nearing death, every territory of the ocean now vying to carve their own Destiny out of the chaos. From the Volk fascists 
, Zionists 
(they literally will not die why are they still here oh my god), The 'Anarchists' (social chauvanists) 
in Bosporus, and the monarchs 
of each vast noble domain, each vies for power and prestige no matter who they crush underfoot, but it would be a pretty depressing story without a bright light in the dark.
On the edge of the Empire sits the glorious Union! The (Soviet) Union 
is a socialist federation of three states (and one anarchist mountain 
)that were formerly slave colonies under the Imbrian Empire until they broke away in a fierce liberation war. They have spent the last 20 years since then building themselves up. Whether they be Human 
, Shimmi 
(Catgirls who usually follow a religion closely related to modern Islam), and Kattaran 
(a hybrid humanoid species with characteristics of sea life ranging from sharks to cuttlefish)building socialism side by side.
First lead under the revolutionary leader Dashka Kansal, then the Idealist Ahwalia who lead the country to near ruin in pursuit of building a utopia on pillars of sand, then under the scientific socialist 
leadership of the Grand Marshall of the Union, Bhavani Jayanskar (I love Jayanskar so much shes basically as if Stalin, Lenin, and Zhukov were rolled into the same person but was a black lesbian badass who wore the uniform REALLY WELL)(she aint the main character at all tho shes only in very few scenes i just love her so much). Under Jayanskar, the Union has been growing their economy to both eliminate hunger and give everyone a home 
, but also growing their military capabilities for the inevitable return of the Empire. The Union is alone, but with the people by its side nothing, not even Destiny, can snuff out true freedoms light. 
As war wages between the Empire and Republic (basically underwater USA) once more over the lands between them, the facade begins to finally crack...
And a border conflict between the Empire and Union escalate, and the dreaded reconquest begins.
Amidst this turmoil, lives our main characters (yes there are multiple and all of them are lovely). Each of whom I personally love dearly, and are very well characterized. Many are soldiers of the Union, some are scientists, some are divers (mech pilots), some are lost strands finding new meaning after joining this band of Brigands
All are Communists 
All serve the Union 
All would gladly give their lives to defending socialism 
but even they would have little inkling of the adventure set in store for them as the lands beneath the waves erupt in fire, fury, and revolt
Can these transgender badasses kick fascist ass?
Can they kiss? (oh my god please kiss ISTG THERE IS SO MUCH SHIPPING AHHHH ITS GLORIOUS)
FIND OUT HERE: https://unjustdepths.com/
please do or else I will pout incessantly
just try it pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase i need to talk to someone about it after Cromalin went AFK
(I miss her, she was a real one)
REALLY IMPORTANT RULES BELOW, MUST READ
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As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It's for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
Looong
Sorry for the slow reply, I wasn't at the keyboard so waited to type this out when I could
Yeah unfortunately it's pretty common unfortunately.
I think about this kind of stuff a lot honestly so it's nice to speak to someone who also does (Ash does too, I think a few others do too)
I'm glad it helped! ^^
It can be difficult, but it's really not that common for me to even get to that stage really. But yeah it turns into possibly years without any friends and waiting for it to come around again so to speak.
This sums me up succinctly, I do consider how the other person will react and feel, but I don't let the worry become too much and all encompassing.
Your partner sounds very similar to myself, I can get upset but takes a lot to do it. Most of the time I'll let things just wash over me for the most part.
I don't think you're annoying, Ash would be like that to me too "I'm annoying" or whatever she'd say and I'm the one telling her she's not.. shush you're being silly, that kind of thing.
I do feel it to some degree the loneliness that is, but it's like most days I don't dwell on it and it comes in spells.. of severity. But it sounds worse talking about it than how much it affects me. I think it's more like if I'm not doing much and sitting with time to think about stuff it can creep in then and depending on mood can affect me somewhat but I do busy myself quite a bit to not really have time to dwell too.
Well the goblin is my self, me my id so to speak, the spiders are just the other kind of sides to it where the goblin will read off a list and the spiders will debate amongst themselves for the goblin to write down. (this is all metaphorical, it's my self talking with various questions posed) I find it funny the image of a nest of spiders in deep conversation with themselves to answer to a Goblin who will eventually formulate the list ^^ it's just me having fun also because of the "two wolves meme" my side of it is the goblin being my self, but there's more that goes on inside with a debate hence the spiders..
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no need, it's totally ok, it's np if you want to respond the next day or whatever or if it's too much to respond to to just say so
yeah, you are my people for sure
;_; that sounds super awful. i don't know if i'd be really good at being a friend, but i'd be willing to try :)
yeah, that's awesome! I gotta learn this
honestly, I have been telling him all week how much you and him should talk. I feel like the two of you are similar in some ways. We're not sure if he's ND, but he certainly has some traits of it haha.
thank you. lol so funny how similar Ash and I are in some ways...
Yeah, that makes sense. Kinda like the ringing in my ears, when it's really quiet it starts to get painful, but a bit of background noise and it's suddenly gone?
Oh! Actually this reminds me of some of the parts stuff Cool Therapist talks about. She talks about a core energy that is us, and a whole bunch of parts that can be various ages and temperaments (I'm not sure I spelled that right). These parts get created to protect us generally. I have a few parts, I'm getting to know them. One of them is oppressive over-rationalization and stunted emotional expression, another is internalized shame about my gender from my mom, one of me is internalized feelings of being trapped in a job from my dad... that kind of thing.
But I like your image better, haha. I like it!
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It isn't any trouble more I was making a meal and I hate typing out large replies with a phone keyboard lol
I'm so used to people not really trying to get to know me and it's kind of an ongoing thing.
It's easy to see some traits when you know a good deal of them ^^
It could be some rejection sensitivity. Worrying about what other people think and such and how you're perceived.
Yeah exactly it is like your focus is on something else so you aren't focusing on it as much. It can lessen it because of the distraction.
I have a strong affinity with the goblin and it can be a funny way to expreas some of my inner workings and quirks in an easy to explain way. I'm glad you like it ^^
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I have it really bad, I am learning...
Yeah, totally. I do love me some distractions lol.
Okay this is silly but I was in the bath last night having a bit of a long talk with myself and tbh I had your mental image in my mind, I loved the image lol
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I know it can be very difficult to live with. I do my best to help Ash through her bouts, can be hard seeing how bad it can be.
I hope learning about it more and how to work with it can help.
same lol I can have a quiet day the odd time but I usually find something to distract me ^^
By all mewns if it helps to parse things with yourself. Glad you like it lol
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Wow, okay, so I am 10 minutes into research on RSD, and oh fuck I have it really bad. Someone described that feeling really well in the comments of some random video I found:
I have felt that feeling so strong throughout my life (lost jobs from an anger response whoops, at least I learned how to bottle it up). I have felt that feeling, honestly, a few times this week, even. It takes me a long time to get through it, I people-please, I misinterpret things or have weird expectations that I can't explain, I bottle things up, I cry, it fucking sucks tbh. I thought it was a trauma response from times I have actually been completely blindsided by rejection. One time I met someone IRL and we got on super well and I thought we were getting close and then one night she left early and friend-dumped me over a text message. (Okay, actually this happened almost exactly the same with two separate people) I was so excited to have met someone like me fr fr. Now when I think about meeting people again I struggle not to worry about the same thing happening again. At least over text I can hide it. In retrospect, I'm glad I'm not friends with the two of them, but in the moment it hurt a lot.
Thanks for helping me make the connection. I want to push past it anyway. It's probably going to be worth it, I just need to take things slow so that I can process things and get through the pain, and try to get some distance once in a while.
It ... actually helps a lot for me to hear that Ash struggles with it too, and that you, just like Partner, struggle at times to help her. Partner struggles to help me as well. You two are good people. Thank you.
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It's actually fairly common unfortunately, a few people on the trans mega have it too.
That sucks.. I don't know why people can't just say things to you in person. I understand how that would make you apprehensive about other people, been there myself and I also have trust issues not exactly the same but similar. But yeah some people in retrospect can also not be great people to, and I'm glad too when some have ghosted me or whatever. Taking things slow and try to like logic out reasoning if that helps, I have found if you can rationalise your fear or issue sometimes that can help you get past it.
You're welcome ^^
I feel helpless sometimes when it gets really bad but I do my best to help her, though she has improved with some meds and with some rationalisation methods. Still some things can be unreasonable worries and hard to deal with but it's a lot better than it was in the past. Hoping it can help you somewhat too learning more and there's also people here in the mega that go through it too which can help with support and such.
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Yeah, I wish every interaction wasn't some kind of dumb 5D chess for me. I think rationalizing helps to kind of remind myself that it'll pass soon, but sometimes I wonder if it helps - I tend to cycle over and over on the same thoughts, the same rationalizations, like if I think about it again I'll finally see things rationally. Thinking about it in a sort of parts-based system, externalizing the fears and asking them questions, that seems to help, but only when the feeling passes can I really see the situation logically.
Sorry, rambling more... I think that RSD is probably the main driver for all my human interactions. I'm having one of those "oh no it's all mask" moments, lmao. Underneath ... is what? I know there are hopes and desires under there and they are very strong, but... I shouldn't burden other people with my desires, etc. Why are they so large?!
I mask a lot, I have trouble making new relationships. The more I like people, the harder it is.
yeah, totally. Partner gets this way about me too. I can feel his worry and uncertainty. I try to hide it from him, for the most part, when I'm being stupid about some silly thing. If there's nothing he can really do, why worry him? You know?
There are meds for this? Is it antidepressants?
Thank you, this conversation has really helped.
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Yeah the rationalisations can only do so much too. Like I try to keep things rational like why worry to such a degree and measure how much it's affecting you. Like some little worries can seem way more than what they are with it. Plus try to pick apart why that specific worry, like try to view the severity of the situation. Picking them apart helps because you can then attack it bit by bit. But I know this can be hard to do, but it's also how I view things too like I use this method to keep things in perspective and to cut off worrying too much.
You aren't a burden.
Because he's there to support you, it's never any trouble to support your partner at least it shouldn't be. That's part of being in a relationship, sign up to that shit..
For anxiety yes, you're best asking Ash more about them though.
I'm glad it has c:
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This makes sense... good idea! thank you!
you and Ash are so kind omg, I'm sure someday I will be able to open up more. Until someone says something mean, then never again lmao.
I completely agree, and I hear what you are saying, but uhhh I have been in some bad relationships. Last one before Partner was horrible. So I'm a bit traumatized about that, relationships, friends in general. Partner is very nice and patient though, even if I have kept him up late a couple times with my emotions.
I was on gaba for a bit, not honestly sure it helped. I was in that shitty relationship still. Hmm...
Thanks again for everything
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Hopefully it won't set you back but I know the feeling lol
I understand and I'm sorry, I have also had a few bad relationships and I suffered in those too with trauma and abuse so I truly understand it can be hard to let go of some stuff or get rid of the trauma easily too.
Yeah unfortunately meds are hard to figure out with people, I'm not on anything and Ash has the gaba recently but she's tried various in the past with limited to no success too for a few different things.
You're welcome ^^
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totally, yeah, one step at a time haha
yeah i feel this way with a lot of meds, i've tried a bunch, not really found things that helped.
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Yeah baby steps basically, hopefully that will lessen over time.
Same I think I was prescribed more stuff rather than doctors pick up my autism lol
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Yah, learning to social again like learning to walk. Thanks for being here to help.
oooooooof. well put. fuck...yep
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Aye can be like that if you take a long break and you're welcome c:
Pretty much aye