I think I have basically no dysphoria or almost none. Is this common, or does it mean I’m not trans?

My position is kind of simple—I actually enjoy being a dude; it’s pretty rad most of the time. Yet, I like women, desire them, and sometimes I want to be them.

That said, there are some important caveats. I’m completely fine growing old as a man, but I dread the idea of aging as a woman. That might be internalized misogyny, but it is what it is. I also feel like I’m building something in my life, and becoming a trans woman of color (I’m Black) wouldn’t exactly help my goals; it would make everything harder I assume.

On top of that, I’ve recently started to live. I meet people in real life, I have a partner, and I’m learning to cook. For the last 5-7 years, I was a reclusive hermit who mostly went to work and lurked online. I feel like if I want to transition, I should do it within the next year, but it’s all a bit much.

I came out to an online friend as trans about 10 years ago, and they were pretty chill about it, but I walked it back. Fast forward to now—I recently told my partner that I’m thinking about transitioning, and they were very supportive and sweet. However, the more I think about it, the more I’m starting to get cold feet.

I can’t think of many bigger, more impactful decisions than transitioning, aside from becoming a parent or getting drafted into a large war, maybe. I think people who transition are very brave, but at my core, I’ve always been a lazy coward

Any input is welcome. If it matters im also in my mid 30s.

EDIT . Yes I made a somewhat similar thread some time ago...but circumstances change.

  • TerminalEncounter [she/her]
    ·
    11 hours ago

    You don't have to be binary trans, you can be gender fluid, an enby (non-binary), etc.

    The primary narrative we hear about trans women is that "they've known since they were 6" and they barely made it to 20 without some kind of self harm (some doing much harsher things I wont elaborate on) because of the intensity of dysphoria. This wasn't my story. I transitioned in my late 20s, before that fateful year I cracked my egg, I would've said I didnt have dysphoria and vaguely enjoyed being a man. From this side of my egg crack, its much more obvious that I was suffering but had learned to push all that down - and I had been so unhappy for so long that I didn't know what it meant to actually like your gender and yourself. For me, that was just being a man was like. I have very easily identifiable dysphoria NOW - I've always hated looking in the mirror since puberty or watching or hearing myself on film, before it was just a quirk, now it's because I was experiencing dysphoria. I've always preferred how girls write and tried my best to avoid reading my own writing - same thing. I fantasized about being born a girl - which, cmon how'd I not know... but at the time it was about how my brother would've been better off if he was the oldest son...

    Transitioning is not a forever thing if you don't want it to. Luckily for you, you seem to be leaning in the trans femme direction. If you choose to take feminizing HRT, it takes months before there's noticeable changes - infamously there's a sadly somewhat common story of trans women in the closet taking hrt for years and their wives and friends not noticing... if you're scared you'll cross this invisible barrier and never be able to go back, well good news is that it's just in your head. You're allowed to detransition if youd like, you have permission from a trans woman (me) if that's what you needed. Also, in terms of aging... Ill just say E is magic and you'll hold on to a youthful appearance longer if you're on it~

    I think it's totally normal to feel apprehensive about transitioning to the femme side. Because it does mean taking on misogyny in a way you didn't necessarily have to before. You also have to deal with the double whammy of mysogynoir which even your fellow (white) sisters may not comprehend on top of being trans. It can be frightening, but you don't have to face it alone. You have your partner and accepting friends, you can do this - if you want. You don't need to leap into it completely, you're allowed to experiment and go slowly and reverse if you want. I'm suspecting you'll do the same thing as a lot of trans people - take it one step at a time, find it's really nice but be apprehensive about the next step so stay for a while, then move on and repeat! That's probably the most common narrative for transition, just baby steps until it's 4 years later and you're signing up for bottom surgery wondering why you didn't do this sooner lol