Are you depressed ? Talk to your friend about it. Are you depressed because you can't afford your mum's treatment ? "Don't come to me for money bruh". It frustrates me no end when I see this nonsense about not mixing finances with friendship. The lack of material understanding of suffering is so apparent in that stupid advice. Friends should exist not just to offer a shoulder to cry on, but also to lend a crutch when you have trouble walking. What conception of friendship puts one of the main drivers of despair and helplessness (financial troubles) outside the bounds of cooperation. Pretty sure the first person to say these words was a feudal lord to a peasant with whom he would otherwise enjoy a nice drink and lively conversation.
To any of my Toronto based chapos, if 100 bucks in cash can help you with something, I will be more than glad to give it to you.
Broke: Loaning money to your friends
Woke: Giving money to your friends
To be fair, me and my friends never "loan" or "borrow" from each other, we have each other's back. Shitlib wisdom is correct for the wrong reasons. Don't loan/borrow, help each other.
There's a very ancient concept of loaning/borrowing between friends for the purpose of never completely paying it back. Some tribes in Africa today would be offended if you paid back a loan completely because it means the end of the relationship. If you overpay the loan or underpay it, the implication is the relationship will continue.
I understand what you're saying with not looking at it from lending/borrowing pov, but as helping, but the shitlib wisdom one ups you with "don't mix finances and friendship"
I'm still pretty sure the saying is explicitly about things like giving someone a business loan or some shit. It's that a person whose a good friend isn't always the best business partner.
I think giving money to your friends is very different than borrowing money from your friends. Like no one says this about gofundmes.
I think the issues with like paying people back is more comparable to like telling people not to become roommates with their friends, as it could destabalize the friendship.
I mean this wisdom is good if you modify it to "never loan money your not okay with losing to a friend". I'm not going to take on the role of creditor in addition to friendship, but if I can afford to help out whether or not I'll ever see the money again I will.
I think it depends on who your friends are.
My fellow proles have been good about it, giving me money back that I lent them, sometimes a little slowly, but always reliably, and also in working with me when I couldn't repay them right away.
But the bougie side of my extended family, and their circle, which I mistakenly thought I could coexist with a decade or so ago, would literally go out if their way to volunteer to help, with no prompt whatsoever from me, even going so far as to ask prying questions, then almost immediately get really fucking weird about the cost of what they literally insisted on.
It was more than one of them, too.
It was fucking weird.One example, not related to lending money, though I have those too:
"Hey, I know housing is precarious for you. If you ever need to, let me know and I'll move you into my spare room. It's no big deal, really'
"Hey, how's housing going?"
"You say it's fine, but I don't believe you"
"My doors are open"
*finally take them up on their offer, and literally two days later*
"You know that you can't stay here, rent free, right? Because of the neighborhood we're in, it's beyond fair if I ask you to chip in [something much more than what my old studio apartment cost]"
Another example was someone else offering to help with school costs not covered by grants, and insisting over and over again when I said no, that's not necessary. Freaking out when I showed them everything the grant didn't cover, changing their story to "Well, I meant textbooks" and freaking out again when they saw what those cost (stem major).
I think they paid $80 for the parking pass, iirc. And while technically not a loan, I gave it back to them after they held it over my head.
So... thanks... bougie extended relatives?Yes, I've come to understand it that way.
They like the feeling, but once it hits them that it requires some sort of actual cost, in some way, they then try to backpedal.
But what really fucked me up isn't just that they said one nice thing offhand, and I held them to it instead of letting it drift on by.
It's that I let those offers drift by and they kept insisting.
Like, I am reading the situation and when people just offer nice things to make themselves feel good, I do the song and dance, and tell them thank you but I think I'm okay. Yet some people keep insisting and still don't actually mean it, though.
This does make sense if you are a neoliberal. If you think of money in terms of return on investment, then loaning money to friends is bad because you're probably an asshole that will hound your friend for vig.
Right, it's essentially the ethos of everyone pretending to be rich and happy that conservatism is built on.
"If you're doing well - flaunt it. If you're not - hide it. Only losers have problems. This system is wonderful, everyone else is happy. If you have a problem, you're the problem."
Painting with a broad brush, a lot of poor countries (~Latin America) have much happier people and tighter communities because people share their problems more.
