I went to a party last night and got high af and just listened to everyone else's conversation because I was going to say something stupid and I did multiple times and everyone was nice to me about it. I had a good time, but I haven't gotten much sleep lately and my anxiety is on high lately.

Is it wrong that I've given up all pretense of pretending to act like everyone else? I just act how I want now even if it comes off as rude to others.

It doesn't make friends but eh, who cares

Most famous hexbear user laments their inability to socialize. Never in my fucking life have I ever felt like I integrated socially into an online community like I see others do. That shit eats me up inside.

I bet you're in the wrong crowd. Yesterday I met someone for the first time. As we played Mario Party together I started yelling over a crowd of people to negotiate that they shouldn't steal coins from me despite the fact that I'm in first (they listened and stole from the person I was targeting ). If I'm at a toilet paper USA get together you think I'm doing that shit?? I'd be in the corner losing my religion.

I also have a lot more fun doing some things than others and have better days than others. If you catch me doing BJJ on a Saturday afternoon I'll make you laugh and think and learn and then laugh again. If you catch me at a loud concert you'll see me sitting down with a scowl wishing I could talk to someone but I'm so lonely and what the fuck am I doing with my life (I had my friends on either side of me)? Won't someone just touch me I'm such a pariah (I get physical contact for no less than 4 hours a week in grappling)? I'm so bad at meeting strangers, this is humiliating (I make a substantial portion of my income talking to, giving advice to, and making relationships with strangers).

I talk about my own experiences to say that, if you're anything like me, and I think you are cause I see your ass on c/badposting too, then I think it should be less about "what am I doing wrong?" and more about "what is this environment not giving me?" You don't call a flower shitty when it doesn't flourish, you see whether it needs more water or something.

Why is this in the dredge? Because I'm dunking myself.

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Sympathetic but still zappy pats from the Drej Queen

Go experience some foreigners for a while- slightly foreign works, but the more different to you the better. Work with them, eat with them, chill out with them. Observe how different their social norms are to the ones you normally see.

There's nothing to understand about social norms, it's just another stupid list of traditions that NTs learn without questioning, like gender, that changes wherever you go. It's a list of rules they locally follow in order to be polite, but you can usually work out if something is polite or not by just being a remotely conscientious person, which as a communist, you should already be capable of. Let them follow their lists, and as long as you're generally somewhat polite and conscientious to those around you they won't even notice you're not doing the same thing.

Same. I feel like I'm a different person as soon as someone starts talking to me, and any training or strategising goes out the window. Almost instant fawn reaction. And afterwards I am full of things I wish I'd said, angry at myself

Lmao look at the owl they think they're people!

I can't even comprehend words "social norm" rn, what do it mean I'm so high

I have been internally joking that I am not a real person (in the Pinocchio sense) lately due to relevant stuff.

Also, while I can consciously recognize various stuff like this, it's often impossible for me to apply it 'automatically'.

Stick to the trees where its safe.

Its what I do.

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