Violent and intimate crime rates have been trending downward for decades so "genuine fear" is a poor explanation for the recent phenomenon of ghosting. In fact, I'd posit that you got causality exactly ass-backwards. Ghosting is only possible in the modern era because the threat of violence has been minimized. It really only works with people that you can adequately expect not to encounter on the street.
It's difficult to ghost someone in your social circle, at your work, at school, or at church and it's practically impossible to ghost anyone who knows your address. So ghosting was practically impossible to accomplish in premodern times as it requires the capability to break communication routes at a distance. Even as the home phone was introduced, you still needed to perform the "emotional labor" necessary to make a clean break because there was no caller ID and an emotional ex could still fill a answering machine tape. Also there was the matter that if they knew your last name, there was a handy book updated yearly with your phone number and personal address. Blocking calls and getting unlisted from the phone book required enlisting the aid of a third party so (as long as you weren't dating a clear psycho) it made sense to put forth the effort dealing with an aggrieved partner or associate because avoiding them would require effort anyway.
But modern e-communication made it possible to ghost a partner and avoid the emotional fallout with ease. E-mail could be filtered. Caller ID came standard on cell phones. Blocking calls and texts could be done without even talking to your service provider. You don't even need to unfriend people on social media anymore to snooze their feed and block updates. Meanwhile, HR has made it verboten to date within the office and social pressures are making it weird to date within your social circles and online dating has become the norm. Why settle for someone nearby and muck up your existing relations with romantic drama when your perfect match exists out there in the sea of ghostable strangers?
Of course I could be completely mistaken. I was still in high school when cell phones started entering the middle and working class market and I exited the dating market just as match.com starting advertising on TV. But I do have recent experience in the job search market and see these same ghosting strategies exhibited by recruiters, hiring managers, and ATS systems. Meaningful feedback is unnecessary because there is zero chance there will be any future human interaction with the unsuccessful candidate.
Edit: Wow! Thanks chapos! 3 hours later and only downvotes. Glad to know I'm completely wrong but I was hopeful that the chat would pull together and explain how and why my understanding of community, interpersonal responsibilities and relationship maintenance, emotional and physical vulnerability, and violence is incorrect and possibly even dangerous.
Thanks for the dunk. I guess I can understand that fear being entirely genuine but perhaps I understand it as being somewhat irrational and disproportionate given historical context. And perhaps it makes sense if you have no faith in your fellow man, believe in the disproven bystander effect, and insist on handling all matters in an atomic and autonomous way. Surely I'm not suggesting that people rebuff their lackluster, misanthropic suitor alone in a blind, darkened alley with total disregard for personal safety. But since we cannot prosecute and execute every creep and moron for minor social infractions then we should be able to provide them guidance towards pro-social behaviors.
And certainly I'm not saying everyone can be rehabilitated and it's your responsibility! You shouldn't have to enlist an ally or comrade to tango with a violent jerk, sexual deviant, or dangerous stalker nor take them on yourself. All I'm saying is that you cannot dismiss each and every 'ghosting victims' here as deserving of that act. If they legitimately do not know what happened and why they were ghosted then they'll never get the opportunity to grow their emotional intelligence, address the issue, and contribute to their future relationships and communal responsibilities in a more meaningful way.
I understand your explanation of how dealing with unresolved past trauma may be a legitimate reason for you to ghost someone who accidentally triggers your PTSD. If someone intentionally triggered your PTSD I wouldn't even call it ghosting if you immediately broke all contact. But libertarian-brained nonsense is believing that you never have to explain your behavior and have zero responsibility to educate and correct your fellow man.
Thank you for this dialog. I don't want to just be some dumb reply-guy so I'll let you have the last word.
If they legitimately do not know what happened and why they were ghosted then they’ll never get the opportunity to grow their emotional intelligence, address the issue, and contribute to their future relationships and communal responsibilities in a more meaningful way.
Tough shit. They need to figure this out for themselves. No one is obligated to give toxic shitheads who get ghosted the "opportunity to grow their emotional intelligence", you fucking creep
Violent and intimate crime rates have been trending downward for decades so "genuine fear" is a poor explanation for the recent phenomenon of ghosting. In fact, I'd posit that you got causality exactly ass-backwards. Ghosting is only possible in the modern era because the threat of violence has been minimized. It really only works with people that you can adequately expect not to encounter on the street.
It's difficult to ghost someone in your social circle, at your work, at school, or at church and it's practically impossible to ghost anyone who knows your address. So ghosting was practically impossible to accomplish in premodern times as it requires the capability to break communication routes at a distance. Even as the home phone was introduced, you still needed to perform the "emotional labor" necessary to make a clean break because there was no caller ID and an emotional ex could still fill a answering machine tape. Also there was the matter that if they knew your last name, there was a handy book updated yearly with your phone number and personal address. Blocking calls and getting unlisted from the phone book required enlisting the aid of a third party so (as long as you weren't dating a clear psycho) it made sense to put forth the effort dealing with an aggrieved partner or associate because avoiding them would require effort anyway.
But modern e-communication made it possible to ghost a partner and avoid the emotional fallout with ease. E-mail could be filtered. Caller ID came standard on cell phones. Blocking calls and texts could be done without even talking to your service provider. You don't even need to unfriend people on social media anymore to snooze their feed and block updates. Meanwhile, HR has made it verboten to date within the office and social pressures are making it weird to date within your social circles and online dating has become the norm. Why settle for someone nearby and muck up your existing relations with romantic drama when your perfect match exists out there in the sea of ghostable strangers?
Of course I could be completely mistaken. I was still in high school when cell phones started entering the middle and working class market and I exited the dating market just as match.com starting advertising on TV. But I do have recent experience in the job search market and see these same ghosting strategies exhibited by recruiters, hiring managers, and ATS systems. Meaningful feedback is unnecessary because there is zero chance there will be any future human interaction with the unsuccessful candidate.
Edit: Wow! Thanks chapos! 3 hours later and only downvotes. Glad to know I'm completely wrong but I was hopeful that the chat would pull together and explain how and why my understanding of community, interpersonal responsibilities and relationship maintenance, emotional and physical vulnerability, and violence is incorrect and possibly even dangerous.
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Thanks for the dunk. I guess I can understand that fear being entirely genuine but perhaps I understand it as being somewhat irrational and disproportionate given historical context. And perhaps it makes sense if you have no faith in your fellow man, believe in the disproven bystander effect, and insist on handling all matters in an atomic and autonomous way. Surely I'm not suggesting that people rebuff their lackluster, misanthropic suitor alone in a blind, darkened alley with total disregard for personal safety. But since we cannot prosecute and execute every creep and moron for minor social infractions then we should be able to provide them guidance towards pro-social behaviors.
And certainly I'm not saying everyone can be rehabilitated and it's your responsibility! You shouldn't have to enlist an ally or comrade to tango with a violent jerk, sexual deviant, or dangerous stalker nor take them on yourself. All I'm saying is that you cannot dismiss each and every 'ghosting victims' here as deserving of that act. If they legitimately do not know what happened and why they were ghosted then they'll never get the opportunity to grow their emotional intelligence, address the issue, and contribute to their future relationships and communal responsibilities in a more meaningful way.
deleted by creator
I understand your explanation of how dealing with unresolved past trauma may be a legitimate reason for you to ghost someone who accidentally triggers your PTSD. If someone intentionally triggered your PTSD I wouldn't even call it ghosting if you immediately broke all contact. But libertarian-brained nonsense is believing that you never have to explain your behavior and have zero responsibility to educate and correct your fellow man.
Thank you for this dialog. I don't want to just be some dumb reply-guy so I'll let you have the last word.
deleted by creator
Tough shit. They need to figure this out for themselves. No one is obligated to give toxic shitheads who get ghosted the "opportunity to grow their emotional intelligence", you fucking creep